Sunday, December 12, 2021,

 Sunday, December 12, 2021, 

 

  I slept well last night. I’m still in grief over untenable relationships.  Thank God I had Mike in my life, someone who was willing to work things out. There were things about each other we disliked. We were both willing to make accommodations for each other.  Some we made successfully; some were too hard for us, but we respected each other’s requests. We never scoffed at each other’s stated needs. 

   People who don’t like me seem to be people who can’t set their boundaries except by fleeing a situation.  Even worse, they expect me to respect their boundaries without telling me where they are.  I’m supposed to know. Worse yet, I find people like that are people pleasers who mask their negative reactions. They may make a blanket statement of displeasure, but they give no specific clues. I don’t get it.  Am I the only one?

   I had the M & W sisters this morning. We continued applying Phase III using their own writing.  I anticipate this process will make a huge difference in their reading as well as their writing.

    I worked on windows and writing.  Not much else going on today.  Dealing with deep grief. But what else is new?  

Saturday, December 11, 2021

 Saturday, December 11, 2021

 

   On my morning walk, I got to speak to Jean, my hanai sister.  She and her husband, John, continue to be delighted with their new home in an extended care retirement community.  They are still unpacking.  When we moved here, Mike made sure everything was in place as quickly as possible.  He needed order.   

    I saw Julie coming toward me alone. "Where's your better/ worse half?" He was far behind her. He was stuck feeding the local wildlife, chickens, turkeys and pheasants, and any other birds that could get in on the bounty.  I turned around to walk with her to the intersection of Nehiwa and Hiolani. We stopped to talk there. She lived right across the street from where we were standing. I couldn't just stand there; my leg would start hurting.  We crossed the road and down her driveway.  She took me to the backyard to show me the fallen tree.  A thirty-year-old tree, taller than her two-story house, had broken below the ground on Sunday in the windstorm.  Vince had already sawed most of it into two-foot chucks.  I noticed balloons all over the yard.  Julie explained they were floaters used by fishermen to mark their nets. There must have been fifty of them. Julie wanted him to get rid of them. He could sell them; they're worth a lot of money.  Vince once found some Coast Guard equipment worth thousands of dollars.  He called the military. They were happy to come and get it.  Julie invited me inside to see her workroom. She has a business decorating hats, shirts and jackets, anything that can hold a logo.  She embroiders and applies latex emblems; sorry, I have no idea what the terms are.

   I asked Julie how she got into this business.  When she was a girl, she and her sister made their own clothes, and I think she said they did something else too.  Their sewing machine broke, and they needed a new one.  They didn't get a commercial one, but there was a free embroidering attachment. That was the beginning of everything. She was in business.  She got better and better machines, graduating to commercial quality equipment.  I didn't want to stay long. I had Elsa with me, and she hadn't pooped yet.  I made sure she stayed in the tiled hallway and did not go into her carpeted workroom.  

   I continued washing windows when I got home.  I finished the bank of six small casement windows at the back of the house. I set about cleaning the top of the breakfront sitting in front of them.  Boy, was it dirty!  I did 'dust' the top once.  Today I used a liquid cleaner. Yes, it has been several years since I cleaned in that room. But in all fairness, we had a volcano explode during that time. Some of the grime was lava dust.  I have it on my car no matter how frequently I wash it- and yes, it gets to visit the carwash regularly. It's black, okay, gravity blue. The spots show.

    I had the M & W sisters this morning. I used Phase III exclusively with M.  This is a protocol I just developed which involves dictation and spelling. Phase I involves developing phonemic awareness; Phase II involves applying the knowledge acquired in Phase I; it duplicates the reading process. I don't know if I could have used this process with students sooner.  I developed this process because third grade A asked me to work with spelling.  Phase III is the offspring of The Phonics Discovery System and spelling.  I have used spelling in another context, but not quite like this. I am using it in complete sentences, which I dictate to the student.  I use appropriate material, considering both their skill level and their egos. 

   The writing is neurologically more complex than reading:  

 

Part of writing is the macrostructure: the structure of the whole story or article.  Many people have trouble with the macrostructure, composing.

1. Composing a sentence

2. Recalling the sentence they compose.

3. Recalling the words in the sentence one at a time.

4. Spelling the recalled word

5. Writing the word.

 

In Phase III, I create an exercise that eliminates Steps #1 and 5.  I use published material 

Or material the students have dictated to me. 

1. They read the sentence 

2. Student repeats the sentence without looking at it 

3. Student identifies the first word.

4. Student spells the first word

5. Student identifies the second word

6. Student spells the second word, 

7. Repeat  steps #3 -#6 with each word

 

  With 5th grade W, I worked on the details of her story. I was not enjoying it because we had to describe an engineering project, fort building. I didn't have the verbal skill to explain what W and her cousins did, nor did she.  I used Phase III with her too. She enjoyed this.  This was a wonderful activity for her because she had no idea how to recall a composed sentence to write it. She is one of the few students who told her story without regard for my typing speed. That told me that she had no idea how to write a story herself.  I was impressed with W's spelling. She has a good visual memory for words and objects. She likes to draw.

     I had adolescent D at 11:30.  As always, I asked him if he had read anything in school the day before. Yes. Wow!  He read a story.  This was the second day in a row he reported having read something in class. Before this, he would always report he read nothing, and I do mean nothing. If words came in his line of sight, he wouldn't read them. I suppose he responded to print the way I might if I saw text written in Arabic.  I would know it was hopeless.  I wrote his English teacher about the results. I asked her to tell me what she was seeing. I was not expecting to hear from her. I used Phase III with D.  This would be a challenge for him.  I was nervous about doing it.  He didn't deal well with failure. I was concerned I would lose him. None of that happened. I wondered if I could have started this a lot sooner.  I remember my Orton-Gillingham instructor saying the students found the spelling exercises the most helpful.

      I spoke to D's mother later in the day.  I played a video of D reading a passage. It was at a low level, but it was still impressive. She had news for me, too, about the tutor the school was assigned to him.  My application as a tutor for D didn't go through at the public school because the DOE had hired a commercial tutoring company. This hurt. People want MacDonald's. I'm not MacDonald's, far from it. I understand why people do what they do. It still makes me sad. 

   I asked D's mom what her plans were for my relationship with D. She said she wanted to continue for the time being. I had done good work, and he had a good relationship with me. The tutor, who already contacted her, would be working with him by zoom during the school day for 2 hours a week. D's mom was concerned that he would be missing schoolwork.  The best solution is that the tutor works with him on the work he would be missing. If it's math class, work on word problems.

    I had an appointment with my acupuncturist later in the day. She immediately put needles in my adductor muscles. When she did that last time, it made a huge difference. 

Friday, December 10, 2021

Friday, December 10, 2021

 

    As I started my morning walk, I saw Darby, at a distance, stooped down, pulling weeds from the strip between the sidewalk and the street.  Darby is more sensitive to chemicals than I am. She picked weeds so the town wouldn't have to spray them with a weedkiller. 

   Darby told me her Internet was still down.  Huh! I've been up and going since Monday afternoon.  Isaac, who lives just up the next street, never lost either electricity or the Internet.  Julie never lost electricity but has been out of the Internet since Sunday's storm knocked out the service.  Darby asked if she could use my Internet. Patrick needed a teleconference with the medical team on Oahu.  They found another questionable area in his armpit.  They operated on it. Then they sent him home and told him he could shower but not get wound wet.  They provided a bandage that only partially covered the wound.  I had a PT appointment coming up. I gave Darby detailed directions as to the tablet's location, how to wake it up, and the password. Later in the day, she called to say they took care of it with a telephone call. They didn't need the computer.   

       When I got home from my PT appointment, I was exhausted.  Actually, I felt a wave of exhaustion as I pulled into the parking lot. Who knows why?  Katie worked on helping me relax the muscles in my left leg, notably the adductors.  I have an exercise to engage those muscles.  They are frozen. I hadn't realized I could improve the situation by strengthening them.  Katie gave me an exercise. I had volunteered to drive B to the airport at noon. As I got out of the car for my PT appointment, he called to say he got a ride from someone else. Good thing he did.  I was exhausted. But not so exhausted, I couldn't stop at the little café outside Club Rehab to get another Greek salad open sandwich on this incredible bread. I have to find out where they get it.  When I got home, I was too tired to do anything other than take a two-hour nap.

   Shortly after I woke up, Judy called. Great timing.  I told her I had an appointment with the optometrist at 1:50 and an hours tutoring appointment at 4 pm with the M &W sisters, and I was still exhausted.  Judy recommended I cancel my eye appointment. I hated to do that at the 11th hour.  I know it's important to keep them.  Canceled appointments mean lost time and, in most cases, lost money. That's not true in my case. Mike had the service for free because he was a deacon in the Catholic.  He had several free services around town because of his work with the church. I got my eye service and glasses at half price.  After Mike died, Sandor and Meali'inani committed to giving me the service for free.  On Judy's advice, I called and spoke to their assistants.  Would I screw up their schedule if I canceled?  No, it would be fine. Ah, thank God.  I was so tired.

    Since I had the time, I went to Kaiser to pick up my blood pressure meds. I pressed the wrong button last night when I ordered them over the phone and got stuck on the pickup option.  The pickup line went very quickly. As I walked out of the pharmacy, someone ran after me. I had left my walking stick behind. While I always take it as I go for my walks on the street, I never use it when I go about town. However, today, my ankle was bothering me. 

     Kaiser had a big sign advertising the flu shot and the Covid vaccine.  I would remember I had to get the flu shot, forget it, remember it again, etc. I found the room where they were giving it. It took all of two minutes. Done!

      One of the books I'm reading is Gladwell's David and Goliath. He wrote that a very high percentage of people who make significant contributions have lost a parent as a child,  a quarter before the age of 10, 34.5 percent before the age of fifteen,  and forty-five percent before 20. (Those statistics are impressive; they also add up to 104.5 %.)  Aside from that mathematic glitch, the point is these people are survivors and feel invincible.  They tend not to be people pleasers; therefore, they can be innovators, challenging the norms. They have a high tolerance for making fools of themselves.

    This was an extension of a discussion of people who appear heroic.  London had the hell bombed out of it in WWII. Leaders were concerned about panic and mental breakdowns. Instead, Londoners went about their business. The population divided into three groups: the dead, the near survivors, and the remote survivors.  Remote survivors are the ones who conclude they're invincible. They are the ones who went about their business as the sirens went off and the bombs fell.  Crazy- well, good crazy.  

   As a child who lost a parent shortly after fifteen, I can attest it had a significant impact. I guess I can classify myself as a remote survivor.  My mom, an amazing woman, made sure everything stayed in place for us.  There were only two major changes in our lives, not counting my father's absence.  First, my grandmother moved in, and second, my mom went to work.  I believe that had a significant negative impact on my sister. It impacted me too. I didn't have to worry about my mom being around when I came home from school. I had some respite from her attacks. Ah!  See, things do have a silver lining.

     Two minutes before our scheduled time, W & M's mother texted to say they were canceling for the day, basketball practice.  I texted Mom, asking for earlier announcements. It sounded like she didn't get her announcement until the last minute.    

   I ran into Isaac, Lutz, and Lutz's son, Brian, walking together. I joined them briefly. Isaac lagged behind with me to check, "Was I okay?" He wanted to catch up to the other two. Don't you hate it when people render you helpless or in trouble when they want to give you less attention? Brian, Lutz's son, is a few years older than Isaac.  This is Isaac's first friend, who's even close to his age here on the island.   

Thursday, December 9, 2021

 Thursday, December 9, 2021

 

   I had a bad night’s sleep. I was distressed about conflicted relationships.  Fortunately, I have learned to ignore the downsides of a relationship for long periods.  Once the negatives overwhelm the positives, I have to terminate when it is clear there is no mutually comfortable solution,  

    I called the dentist today to tell them I decided I couldn’t be treated by the root canal guy they recommended.  I got the receptionist of my regular dentist again.  I started to tell her my thoughts.  She interrupted me. “Before you say anything, I have to tell you my boss ( also her son-in-law) said, “I had no business advising you.  I am not a trainer dentist.” I told her I decided based on my personal response to the root canal doctor, not her advice.  He scared me.  I believe he would ignore my discomfort. if I wanted a break, he would say, “Wait till I finish.”    I told the receptionist that I knew she was not a trained dentist. She spoke from what she’s learned listening to her daughter and her husband talk about dental problems.  She gave a sigh of relief. That didn’t mean the dentist wasn’t right. Someone else might have taken her word as the word of an expert.

     I started on my cleaning project in anticipation of Damon’s visit.  There is a bank of six casement windows at the back of the house in that guest room.  The rest of the back of the house is covered with lanai screens.  There’s a substantial drop to the ground from those windows.  The window openings are small enough that falling out is not a problem but reaching the far corners of the window is.  NEWs paper

     My house phone rang. What!  I canceled Spectrum two weeks ago. Spectrum doesn’t prorate, so I couldn’t get a refund for the rest of the month.  I thought service would end on the first. Why was my house phone ringing? I called Spectrum. The guy forgot to tell me that I had to call back to cancel at the end of the month; he would not put the order through. The agent I had was great. She apologized for his error and made sure I wasn’t charged for December.

     I called Mama K about Twin E.  She was the one who was ahead when I started working with them.  She was always doing better than Twin A.  Now,  Twin A is working on her reading how her brother works on video games. She is reading and writing. My guess is she is close to grade level, if not beyond.  Twin E, on the other hand, is lagging.  I was concerned that sibling rivalry would lead her to conclude that Twin A is just smarter. Even more worrying was the conclusion that she wasn’t as smart as Twin A.  I encouraged Mama K to remind Twin E that Twin A was improving because she worked on it, not smarter.

         Yvette brought up a mushroom curry dish her friend Christine made in the evening.  She offered a taste. Did I want more? Yvette loves this woman’s vegetarian cooking. She has been living on the other side of the island. Yvette sees her infrequently.  She would be housesitting on this side of the island for December.  Yvette arranged to get regular meals from Christine in exchange for massages.

  Yvette was excited when I texted her to let her know Damon would be coming for Christmas.  Besides being concerned about the cleanliness of their section of the house, I was worried about the undecorated state I was planning. Yvette had already contacted Damon and made plans to decorate on Christmas Eve after Damon arrived. That solves that problem. 

      I finally got a response from Matthew, the head of the special ed department. He had been as surprised as I was that the school wasn’t going to hire me because ‘they had someone on staff who could do it.’ How could he not know if they would have someone on staff do the job?  He texted me the real answer today. 

    Hawaii is one school district under one board of education located in Honolulu. While that saves on salaries, it makes the operation even more bureaucratic.  It seems the public school system has been flooded by private school requests for services. This is an expensive deal. I guess several schools were processing applications for tutors. The other possibility is the school district is figuring out how to avoid providing the service in the first place. At least, I know it’s not personal. 

      Before I went to bed, I envisioned cleaning the windows in the guest bedroom on the side of the house. I must get up on the roof to reach them.  These windows are about 2 ½ to 3 feet across.  There is no way I could reach the far end of the outside window by sticking my arm through the small slit created by the open window on the hinge side. I asked Yvette if she would keep an ear out for me while I climbed up on the roof in case I fell.  I do feel that I’m not as stable as I was the last time I cleaned the windows.  I suspect that was three years ago. 

Thursday, December 9, 2021

 Thursday, December 9, 2021

 

   I had a bad night’s sleep. I was distressed about conflicted relationships.  Fortunately, I have learned to ignore the downsides of a relationship for long periods.  Once the negatives overwhelm the positives, I have to terminate when it is clear there is no mutually comfortable solution,  

    I called the dentist today to tell them I decided I couldn’t be treated by the root canal guy they recommended.  I got the receptionist of my regular dentist again.  I started to tell her my thoughts.  She interrupted me. “Before you say anything, I have to tell you my boss ( also her son-in-law) said, “I had no business advising you.  I am not a trainer dentist.” I told her I decided based on my personal response to the root canal doctor, not her advice.  He scared me.  I believe he would ignore my discomfort. if I wanted a break, he would say, “Wait till I finish.”    I told the receptionist that I knew she was not a trained dentist. She spoke from what she’s learned listening to her daughter and her husband talk about dental problems.  She gave a sigh of relief. That didn’t mean the dentist wasn’t right. Someone else might have taken her word as the word of an expert.

     I started on my cleaning project in anticipation of Damon’s visit.  There is a bank of six casement windows at the back of the house in that guest room.  The rest of the back of the house is covered with lanai screens.  There’s a substantial drop to the ground from those windows.  The window openings are small enough that falling out is not a problem but reaching the far corners of the window is.  NEWs paper

     My house phone rang. What!  I canceled Spectrum two weeks ago. Spectrum doesn’t prorate, so I couldn’t get a refund for the rest of the month.  I thought service would end on the first. Why was my house phone ringing? I called Spectrum. The guy forgot to tell me that I had to call back to cancel at the end of the month; he would not put the order through. The agent I had was great. She apologized for his error and made sure I wasn’t charged for December.

     I called Mama K about Twin E.  She was the one who was ahead when I started working with them.  She was always doing better than Twin A.  Now,  Twin A is working on her reading how her brother works on video games. She is reading and writing. My guess is she is close to grade level, if not beyond.  Twin E, on the other hand, is lagging.  I was concerned that sibling rivalry would lead her to conclude that Twin A is just smarter. Even more worrying was the conclusion that she wasn’t as smart as Twin A.  I encouraged Mama K to remind Twin E that Twin A was improving because she worked on it, not smarter.

         Yvette brought up a mushroom curry dish her friend Christine made in the evening.  She offered a taste. Did I want more? Yvette loves this woman’s vegetarian cooking. She has been living on the other side of the island. Yvette sees her infrequently.  She would be housesitting on this side of the island for December.  Yvette arranged to get regular meals from Christine in exchange for massages.

  Yvette was excited when I texted her to let her know Damon would be coming for Christmas.  Besides being concerned about the cleanliness of their section of the house, I was worried about the undecorated state I was planning. Yvette had already contacted Damon and made plans to decorate on Christmas Eve after Damon arrived. That solves that problem. 

      I finally got a response from Matthew, the head of the special ed department. He had been as surprised as I was that the school wasn’t going to hire me because ‘they had someone on staff who could do it.’ How could he not know if they would have someone on staff do the job?  He texted me the real answer today. 

    Hawaii is one school district under one board of education located in Honolulu. While that saves on salaries, it makes the operation even more bureaucratic.  It seems the public school system has been flooded by private school requests for services. This is an expensive deal. I guess several schools were processing applications for tutors. The other possibility is the school district is figuring out how to avoid providing the service in the first place. At least, I know it’s not personal. 

      Before I went to bed, I envisioned cleaning the windows in the guest bedroom on the side of the house. I must get up on the roof to reach them.  These windows are about 2 ½ to 3 feet across.  There is no way I could reach the far end of the outside window by sticking my arm through the small slit created by the open window on the hinge side. I asked Yvette if she would keep an ear out for me while I climbed up on the roof in case I fell.  I do feel that I’m not as stable as I was the last time I cleaned the windows.  I suspect that was three years ago. 

 

Wednesday, December 8, 2021

 Wednesday, December 8, 2021 

 

     After my morning walk, I finally treated my failing hibiscus. I resolved my confusion over the directions by calling the company.  The directions were ¼ tps. in a gallon of water over fifteen minutes.  Did that mean pour the solution out slowly over 15 minutes or wait 15 minutes before doing a second treatment? The fifteen minutes referred to how long the roots of a plant should be soaked in the solution before planting. I was dealing with a plant that had been in the ground for a while. I had a friendly exchange with the customer service rep.  I had a gallon container, no problem.  However, I was missing the ¼ tps. measure from my measuring spoon nest.  I tried to fill the ½ tps. measure halfway. So nice to get a chore done that I've been putting off for over a week.  I was afraid I wouldn't do it correctly.

   I had a Cryotherapy appointment at noon.  I made it just in time.  The traffic lights and the traffic made the trip longer than I expected.  I put on knee-high socks to protect my feet while in the tank in the past. Today, I put on ankle socks and pulled up the boxer shorts I wore to bare more skin.   This made a difference; my temperature went down to 510.  I had more exposed skin.  Nikki told me that women's temperatures ran between 47 and 55. Men's ran higher.  The greater the exposed surface area versus the body mass, the greater the drop in temperature. Yvette's went down to 470.  She is tall and lean, with lots of surface area and very little mass. Since I tolerated the cold well and seemed to run a higher temperature, Nikki delayed the first turn signal for a full minute. After that, she had me turn every 30 seconds. That also helped bring down my temperature. Before I left, I bought two packages of full-body treatments for friends that I know love the process as Christmas presents.

    I stopped off at the bank before going home to cash some checks and make a deposit. Scott was here installing my repaired screens on my lanai when I got home.  One had a bent frame caused by a pheasant flying through it.  I heard the noise when it happened but assumed Josh was doing something below.  Then I found the bird frantically running around my lanai. Elsa did nothing, which was just as well.  I managed to corner the poor animal, put a towel over her, and release her out in the front yard.  She must have been chased by a hawk.  I held the broken screen in place with duct tape for years. It looked okay.  I wanted to make sure the house was in order when I died, so there is a minimum amount to get the house ready for sale or rent.  There was also a problem with the sunshade where the broken screen had been. It got knocked down in the bad wind storm. Scott put the valance back in place but left the shade down, giving the sheetrock in that area time to dry.

    I called HLM, the company I'm using to get the gravestones engraved. They're on Oahu. I will have to ship the stones with Young Brothers. Since the two seventy-five granite slabs will cost as much to ship as one, I plan to do both gravestones simultaneously. I had already approached a designer in the shopping center in town to help me design mine. The guy told me I had to find out what computer format they needed him to use.  I had texted the question but received no reply. That's why I called today. Good thing I did.  I found out they have their own designer on site. Now, I don't know if that will be extra money. If so, it will be worth it.  Their graphics person is used to designing gravestones. She also gave me a price: $375 for one, but since I'm doing two, $600 for both. I still have to make the cement pillows, so the plaques will rest on an angle. em

     I called the church to see if I could get a working number for my friend Karen from church. I ran into her coming out from the root canal dentist. I wanted to know what she thought of him and how she dealt with his cold personality.  He had told her he couldn't help her. She had a cracked tooth. A root canal was out; it would have to be removed. However, she had the same take on him I did.  He was not someone who responded to the needs of others.  As I talked with her, I realized that he frightened me.  I felt I couldn't trust him to respond to my needs during the procedure.  The affected tooth was in the back of my mouth; the procedure would take an hour. I could see a situation where I asked for a break, and he would say, No. He wasn't' finished.  No, no, no.  I decided that I didn't want to work with him

  For the first time in a while, I had Mama K's crew.  She told me all three of the kids' teachers said they had problems with language. I asked for details, but there were none. Got to love it! Language is such a broad area, it would help to know what the teacher had in mind. Yes, I can figure out something on my own; my diagnostic skills are good. However, knowing what specifically bothers the teacher would be helpful. I find that my annoyance with a problem indicates not just a problem but the student's readiness to learn that specific skills.  Mama K thought it was because they didn't use correct grammar.  At first, I thought it might be that they speak the local pigeon. Mama K said yes, but then it came out they didn't speak that correctly either.  That suggests ta different problem.

   I started with third grade K.  He was nervous. He said he didn't know what to write about. I told him not to worry. I would help him with everything. He relaxed.  I tried a color prompt first. What's your favorite color?  Think of an object of that color.  Where is the object? What is going on with the object or around it?  That did nothing. He got the color blue but couldn't think of a blue object.  I know Mama K loves to take the family to the beach. I asked him about his last visit to the beach, and a story poured forth. I've been doing co-writing for years. I can pretty much tell how good a student's verbal skills are after one or two sessions. Third grade K did a dynamite job.  I was surprised. I think he was shocked.  As we worked, he started making more contributions.  His story was on he 'catched' a wave.  I told him the correct form was caught. He argued with me.  After I was finished with him, I called Mama K to assure her that his use of 'catched' instead of caught was normal.  Well, K is a little older for this pat.rn..  I think he's nine now and in third grade. The normal age for this phase, known as 'over-regulation, is seven.  Children around the age of seven in second grade, who never made a mistake with the irregular past tenses before adding -ed where it doesn't belong, as in goed, comed, catched, etec. It's a that age children become aware of patterns and rules at a different level.  K is a little stuck.  Mama K was relieved when I told her this was a normal pattern, well, almost normal given his age. Let us remember he wasn't speaking clearly until two years ago.  His speech development was generally delayed.

   Then I worked with 2nd-grade twin A.  She was the one I wasn't sure I could help. Boy, was I wrong! She has taken off and has become an independent learner.  She loves the challenge of figuring out new words. She will be on a third-grade reading level by the end of the year. I did a writing activity with her. She remembered something she learned in school about foxes and started writing it herself; I mean, she wrote on a piece of paper as she told the story. I have never had a student do that before.  I typed as she wrote. She did a damn good job.  This is the kind of learning I hope to instill in a student.  She plays with decoding and spelling words the way other children play video games.  She is nonstop.  Okay, I'll stick my neck out.  She will be at a mid-third grade level by the end of the year. Let's see. I've been wrong before.

   Then 2nd-grade twin E wanted to write a story.  She is behind twin A.  It was she I was expecting to be a reader by the end of the summer.  She does some decoding of words, but nothing like Twin E.  Twin A approaches this activity with enthusiasm usually reserved for video games. I couldn't hope for more.  

    Adolescent D's mother finally got back to me.  I told her how excited I was by D's progress. A) he was willing to work at lower level material, which means his ego isn't as fragile b) he could read the whole paragraph on his own, some of it at a good rate, c) he misread a word and caught it himself and d) he was able to decode the word without any assistance from me.  She wasn't as impressed as I was.  All she heard was that we dropped back down to second-grade material.  

Isaac, Lutz, and I walked together for a while. I had to head home. Lutz continued on his loop while Isaac walked me back to my house. We were in the middle of a conversation when we came to my driveway.  It started to rain. He came in so we could continue the conversation. He and I have trouble ending conversations the way Judy and I do.  His comfort with me is due to his upbringing. He said stimulating conversation is the rule in his family of origin.  Both the children and adults talk about ideas. He has long conversations with his grandmother. I never did.  

 He said he was going to Taco Bell for dinner as he was about to leave. I decided to go with him. I thought we were going to eat there. I was surprised to see the restaurant was empty. He told me to pull up behind the white truck. Huh?  We got on the take-out line.  He never had plans of eating there. It looks like no one does that. I was planning to order one taco. He suggested I buy two. When we got back to my house, I discovered the taco was about 1/3 of the size that I had expected.  I hadn't been to Taco Bell in something like 15 years. The last time I went, the tacos were much larger. We ate on my lanai.  I finally needed some alone time.  He has more energy than I do.

   As I was watching some Netflix documentary, the phone rang. It was Damon. He never calls that late at night. Cylin's was the first voice I heard. Even scarier.  He said do you want to hear the good news or the bad news? I chose the bad. They were not going to England over Christmas.  The good news: the family, Damn, Cylin and August, were coming to Hawaii for Christmas. 

      Originally Damon was planning to come to Hawaii for Christmas. Then work plans changed, and he had to go to England later in December, eliminating plans for a Hawaii trip.  The Omicron variant now interfered with their plans to go to England. They were concerned they could get stuck there.  That would be a disaster.  After I got over the disappointment of his not coming,  I had made a significant effort to adjust to the change of plans. I was going to spend a lot of time alone.  I was planning to work on more videos about my methods for teaching reading and writing.  I asked Damon how August felt about this shift.  He had been looking forward to Hawaii. With the change of plans, he was looking forward to going to England.  Damon said he only had an hour to adjust to the new change of plans. After getting over the disappointment of not going to Hawaii, he got excited about going to England. Now back to square one.  He and I are in the same boat. 

Tuesday, December 7, 2021

 Tuesday, December 7, 2021

 

    No yoga because rain early heavy and overcast threatening. Elsa and I got in our morning walk between the 4:30 am. downpour and 7:30 am one.

    I worked on the updates. This is a full-time job.  At some point, I will have to cut back if I want to do something else with my life.

    I called my regular dentist this morning.  I had a serious question about the man they sent me to check if I needed a root canal.  He told me I had two abscesses in one tooth.  It didn't hurt because the root had died. His receptionist made an appointment for April. That's all, folks! I had several friends freak out; What! He didn't give you an antibiotic?  That was my question, too, particularly with the appointment being so far away. I didn't feel I could take to the root canal doctor; he made no eye contact and was obsessed with dispensing information about his work.  I thought he was on the autism spectrum from the first moment I saw him.  All would be good except 1) I had to sign a document stating that I knew I could die from an untreated abscess, 2) my appointment was four months away, 3) he didn't give me any antibiotics for the abscess, and finally, 4) he didn't tell me what to do if the abscess became bad during the four months, nor did he tell me what to look for.  Earlier in the week, I spoke to Susan, the receptionist at my regular dentist. She was surprised her boss hadn't called me.  She answered most of my questions.  She said some people loved this dentist, and others responded as I did. Did I want to speak to the root canal dentist? No, I didn't believe he would respond to my questions satisfactorily.  I remembered a friend from church was also a client of his. I wanted to ask her how she dealt with him.  She wasn't quite as direct as I was, but she wasn't a shrinking violet either. I asked Judy for her number. She sent me one, but it didn't work.

    I had a PT appointment with Terry.  I did two chores before I went there. I stopped at Petco to pick up some dental chews for Elsa.  She was used to getting some each night. She looked forward to it.  The other day, I had looked for a supply at Costco. They were out of my preferred brand. Poor Elsa had to do without her treat last night. Today, I stopped at Petco to get an emergency supply.  Whoa! They didn't even carry the brand I bought at Costco.  I had to decide on something different. I picked one with 'toothpaste.' We'll see how this goes. I'm sure Elsa will like whatever it is.

   After Petco, I went next door to Office Max.  My eyes bothered me after working on the computer for a while.  I do a lot of writing. I noticed it is easier for me to read hard copies than on the computer. I Googled the question if there was anything I could do to protect my eyes from computer screen eye strain. Yep!  Bluing.  Amazon sold glasses.  I tried to find a screen I could put on my monitor.  I went to ask the folks at Office Max for suggestions. A young woman employee was standing by the opening. I asked her for a blue screen. She looked confused. I assumed she was a new employee and didn't have the information. Au contraire!  She knew exactly what I was talking about. Office Max didn't carry blue screens for computers. They carried large blue scrreen for TVs;  most people got blue-tinted glasses.  I told her I already had a pair.  She flashed her glasses, showing me the blue tint.  I had to have my optometrist apply the tint. Oh! I can do that.  I had an appointment with my optometrist at the end of the week. Perfect timing.

   I had texted adolescent D's mother, asking her to call me.  I was very excited about D's work yesterday.

   I had an appointment with 3rd grade A. They were on time today.  The mother had told me at least two weeks A's teacher had given them information on where he needed help.  His dad got him on Zoom. I asked him what the information was.  While there was an improvement in his reading, he needed help with his writing. It wasn't up to grade level. No kidding. I would be glad if he could do any writing. Writing is a very complex neurological activity.  Knowing A had an auditory processing problem, I started with that.   He read a sentence from second-grade material that he could see. He repeated it easily. Then I asked him to tell me the first word.  He couldn't do that, "Pat and Jan put their ducks in a race." I don't know how much of this is his auditory processing problem versus his spatial problems. I do know that his problem is one of the most severe I have encountered, and these parents are in denial.  I have asked the mother to play the 5 Stories audiofile from YouTube.  She has basically refused.  She claims she is too busy. Too busy to press a button before she goes to bed at night so he can hear it as he sleeps?  How long does that take? I am furious at this woman.  Below is the email I sent A's parents. 

I'm not holding my breath, waiting for an answer:

 

Have you been able to play the tape?  I haven't seen the kind of improvement that I usually expect when students have been listening nightly to it for a while. Some of his problem in writing, as well as reading, is with his auditory processing. The tape often helps people with this problem.  It doesn't seem to have helped if you have been playing it. If you haven't, please start. 

The Phonics Discovery System 5 Stories. There is one ad at the start. Please, let me know if you have been playing it nightly as requested, so I know it hasn't worked with him. Thank you. Betty

5 Stories

 

 

Monday, December 6, 2021

 Monday, December 6, 2021

 

     I made myself stay up until 9:30. Despite getting to bed somewhat early, I slept long and well.  The electricity was still out when I woke up. While the sky threatened and there were forecasts of rain, it was dry long enough for Elsa and me to walk to the end of the block and back. 

      My phone was very low because I could not charge it last night. I sat in my car editing the blog entry while my phone charged. My computer had enough charge to work on the updates and the blog, even if I couldn’t run them through Grammarly and post them. The work went much faster without the radio mumbling away in the background. 

     Last night, I noticed the electricity was out just on our street. It wasn’t out on the roads running perpendicular to ours or the one parallel and above us.  I called Helco around 10 pm.  It was a good thing I did. This morning, I heard from several people they had tried to call and couldn’t get through.  People freaked out when the power was still off when they got up.  Everyone must have called at that point, and no one could get through.  I assured everyone I had reported our local outage. 

       After rereading the blog entry for today, I walked down to Lutz’s house. Lutz lives on one of the perpendicular streets.  I thought his house was on the south side of the street.  I was about to enter the driveway when I saw a car pull out across the street. I checked with the driver if Lutz lived in that house.  It was Lutz’s son, Brian.  Well, that gave me my answer. I crossed the street and walk to down the driveway to the house.  He had electricity but no Internet.  He said he thought it was out for the whole island because the transmission came from Maui, which had been hard hit by the windstorm.

    When I got home, I got a message from Isaac telling me he had no water.  I discovered he was home. I expected him to be at school today. They had canceled, anticipating more bad weather.  He had electricity and a good Internet connection.  I had an LAUSD workshop scheduled for 10 am.  I asked him if I could come over and watch it there. He watched it with me. It was perfect for the work he was doing in the school.  I love these workshops.  Over eight hundred tutors are volunteering for the Step Up Tutoring program, but only 26 participants today. Of those who spoke up to answer questions, two attended my Reading Office hours and got help from me. It’s always the same crowd looking to learn something new. Tragic.  After the workshop, I headed home. It was time for my mid-morning nap.  I slept well. I have been dealing with many negative feelings, mostly shame resulting from people rejecting me and casting me in a bad light.  My mother did that to me in spades.  I believe she did that as a way of dealing with her own shame.  I am doing much better just sitting with it of late. But also, I‘m doing better at avoiding situations where people feel I deserve to be shamed.

   I used my internet connection at Isaac’s, so I checked if anyone had signed up for my Reading Office hours.  If they did, I would have to return to Isaac’s. No one signed up today. I might have had to return at 4:30 for my zoom session with adolescent D.

    I know shame gets a bad rap these days.  I’ve heard people say no one should feel it. Indeed, no one should feel it inappropriately. No one should be subjected to a situation where they are symmetrically shamed either as a manipulation or for “their own good.”   Shame is one of our primitive emotions, along with fear and love. We’re stuck with it, whether we like it or not. I believe it was a survival tool.  It served as a signal that we were not doing what was expected. The degree of shame increased with the degree of deviation from the norm.  In a primitive culture, conformity was vital.  Those primitive groups operated on a survival level much as the military does in combat situations. There’s a hierarchy; there’s a right way to do everything. Period end of sentence.  We don’t live at that survival level. Neither do we live in a social situation where the rules are consistent and clear-cut. We can be wildly deviant in any situation.  We have to learn to deal with the shame feedback loop. We’d better figure out a positive use for it.  I believe it serves as a signal that we have done something ‘socially inappropriate,’ whether to violate some social norm or just make another person uncomfortable.  We can drown in shame these days.  We have to learn to appreciate the value of the signal without interpreting it as a signal that our lives are in danger. In our day age, that shame signals alerts us to the discomfort of others, which can be interpreted as danger or responded to with empathy and compassion. We have been presented with quite a challenge.

     On one of my walks, a Helco truck drove by. I waved him down.  He asked if I had electricity. Nope. He said he was looking for the source of the problem.  I saw a repair truck come down the street and park at the far end. Yay!  The electricity went on shortly. Ah! However, I didn’t have an Internet connection. I texted Brian to tell him. He had to go home and reboot his battery which supplied the connection for everyone in this area. Hmm! That’s not good Brian is one man. If something happens to him, we’re screwed.

    Now I had an Internet connection for my session with adolescent D.  I texted his mom earlier in the day. She said their Internet was inconsistent. Our connection was good enough to get us through the session. I apologized to D for having pushed him too hard.  He said, “No, you didn’t.”  Since we started to work on spelling, I told him I thought it would be better to go to lower-level reading material. Would he be good with this? I have been working on an eighth-grade level to protect his ego.  It was slow going, but this work can be done at any level, and he got some exposure to multi-syllable words. I started at Unit 1 paragraph 1 on a second-grade material.  He was able to read every word, slowly for the most part and quickly for a few phrases. He made only one mistake; he was able to catch it on his own and correct it.  As far as I’m concerned, there were a few miracles. 

    Judy planned to bring over a lox, cream cheese bagel for my birthday, but the weather had everyone’s attention. She planned to bring it over tonight, but she was off-the-charts busy.  Mei was out of town, and she and Paulette were running the Turo business single-handed. I was fine.

   I watched another Grantchester.  I finally realized why I’m not enjoying it as much.  They started introducing edgier content.  The characters have been affected by criminal actions and prejudicial laws.  I don’t want edgy.  I want Murder She Wrote, Diagnosis M.D., etc. Life is edgy enough, thank you anyway

Sunday, December 5, 2021

 Sunday, December 5, 2021

 

    I went to bed somewhat later than usual last night, around 10 pm.  Since I read a little, I must have gone to sleep even later.  When I woke up, it was still dark. I figured it was somewhere between one and three am. Nope, it was past six. Now, that was a good night's sleep.

   Merton started some of Loyola's spiritual practices to become a priest. He described one where you're being attacked by the hounds of hell. Something about that appealed to me; I tried it. Wow! That was calming.  I think this is what we all fear, being attacked by hellish creatures. Why did I find this horrific visualization calming?  This visualization triggered bodily sensations appropriate for a Vipassana meditation, from what I could figure out.  I could feel the hounds jumping on my back and ripping at my flesh.  I know it sounds horrible, but it's not. Being attacked by hellish creatures pulling us down into hell reminds us, or me, of being attacked by others. Other than being physically killed, being vilified and rejected by our own, being pulled down by real or imagined inadequacies is one of our worst nightmares. The horrible feelings are in our guts. The sensations created by these hounds were on the surface or a little below. Due to my Vipassana training, these sensations were a piece of cake.  Vipassana teaches us to focus on our physical sensations and just observe calmly.  This visualization focuses on feelings that must be associated with shame on the surface. They were much easier to deal with than when they're churning around in your insides. They're a piece of cake compared to some of my own thoughts that haunt me.

   I had the M & W sisters this morning.  I heard their mother in the background as I started working with first grade W.  I told her I suspected she was at least on grade level, if not ahead.  I also told her that what I had been doing with her girls of late was 'my method.' Despite their extensive Orton Gillingham training, I didn't apply my method initially because my gut said it wasn't the right thing to do. I have no idea why, but it hasn't done any harm.  The mom  thought what I had started doing was 'my method.' I informed her I had never done what I did with her kids with anyone else. The mother said yes, she thought M was on grade level, in a perfunctory tone, but her reading wasn't consistent.  I asked her what she meant. She said there were still words that she read wrong like they and these.  I haven't seen that problem. I have her focus on details of letters and sounds as I work with her.  She doesn't make those mistakes with me.  I told her mom to make a list of missed words and have her form those words in the clay I had her buy.

   Fifth grade W chose to continue working on the story. She had trouble sticking to the chosen topic, building a fort in the guest room with her cousins. I had to tell her several times if she wanted to include a particular detail, she had to find a way to tie it into the main topic. 

    Then I went back over the story she had dictated so far to fill in details.  She was stymied.  I asked her to draw the actions.  She knew what to do and started describing what she had drawn. More than that, she provided an outline, saying there were three stages to building the fort. Before she felt heavy-hearted and burdened as we worked, she felt light and joyful the moment she started sketching.  Wow!  Usually, when teachers lead students in prewriting activities, it's all verbal. This child has to start with a sketch, a visual image. Now, I do that. I see the movie in my head and describe what I see.  She has to learn to connect the visual part of her brain with the verbal. This is an exciting development.

         I learned two fascinating pieces of information over the last two days.  From Dahaene's Math Sense, I learned that our number system, which we called the Arabic system, was not developed by the Arabs. It was developed by the Asian Indians. The Arabs added something and were the disseminators of the system.  The credit for the creation is misplaced. I want to add my voice to correct this error.  

     The second piece of information was mind-blowing.  In the modern world, where we think of the past as behind us and the future as ahead of us, the ancient Greeks thought of the past as in front and the future behind.  For the Greeks, the past was something they had seen, could see; therefore, it was in front of them.  The future was behind them where they couldn't see it. It snuck up on them.  In the Greek vision, man had no control over the future. It would be what it would.  With the switch, moving the future from behind, sneaking up on us, to in front, came another switch.  This one was in attitude; we started believing we could influence the outcome of future events, control future outcomes. The Greeks considered that attitude as pure hubris.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, we humans have certainly had a hand in our own future. Is it possible to have that power and not have hubris?  While some of what we've done has been good, there were always negative consequences as well.  The Greeks were also a little naïve about their effect on their circumstances.  They were already the beneficiaries, or the victims, of agriculture and urban life.  Man had long ago taken life into his own hands.

   My birthday zoom meeting was scheduled for 3 pm.  I signed on, but Damon, the host, was a little late. The Zims and Shivani, and Sidney were on time.  Then Jean and John signed on. August, our game master, was still in the shower when we started. At no point did the eighteen-year-old boy look happy to participate.   It took a while to get all the computers up and running at the Ross household. We all chatted while we waited for the games to begin. We started with Pictionary. The first one was for four-year-old Sidney.  Shivani drew what looked like a dump truck, but I didn't have the correct name. It was an excavator. Next, I tried to draw a bus.  I was less than successful. I cued Sidney with a song, "The wheels of the ____go round and round." We did a couple of rounds of Pictionary among the adults while Sidney went off to play with a truck. Shivani was the first to sign off. She had to get Sidney ready for bed.  Jean ducked out because she had to take some medication and get into a hot tub to relieve her leg pain, sciatica.  John meant to stay on and then just disappeared.  The rest of us played the word game.  I found the event delightful.  

While it had been raining all day, the wind became fierce later in the evening. Around 5:30, the lights went out. I have power walls, but they hadn't been loaded because there had been no sun all day. One of the limits of solar power:s no sun, no power. I had two solar lanterns sitting on my lanai.  They are constantly exposed to the sun, so they will always be ready when needed.  These are great little lanterns. They're clear plastic tubes with LED lights inside.  They have at least three settings. The first gives enough light to find your way around; the second is considerably brighter; I read by it.  The third blinks; I suppose to signal an emergency. I gave my sister two or three as a present. She complained that she frequently loses power in her area. When she does, she suspends these lanterns from her dining room chandelier.  It illuminates a large living space.

   I read a good bit of Brainscapes last night.  It was finally getting into a subject I would be interested in, memory and recognition.  The author discussed facial recognition.  Not my area of interest. But I did get a better idea of where the FFA, fusiform facial area, is in the brain. 

  When I got into bed, I read more of Merton's Seven Story Mountain. That man found great comfort in religion.  I can only wish that everyone finds their great source of peace and comfort wherever that might be.

Saturday, December 4, 2021

  

Saturday, December 4, 2021

 

     It was pouring as I woke up. It continued raining as I walked indoors. There were occasional breaks in the weather when I did some street walking.  I ran into my neighbor across the street, grabbing some street time herself. She said it was supposed to start raining again at 11. We desperately needed the rain; everything was parched.  People I ran into reported how mainland friends and family sent alarmed messages about 100 mph winds and a blizzard.  Isaac mentioned it to the kids in his school. They just looked at him. Those conditions are only at heights greater than 10,000 feet. Mauna Kea top is at 14,000 feet.  They will experience those conditions up there. Everyone who works in the observatories has to be down to the dorms before the storm hits or camp out until the storm is over.  After the storm is over, people go to the top of the mountain to sled and collect snow. They bring the snow down into in trucks and build snowmen.  They last for about one hour if they are big enough. One year, I had one in my front yard when B got a truck full. 

   Walking outside was not an option for most of the day.  I set the alarm to go off every 20 minutes and got up and walked another 500 steps.  I repeated this over and over and successfully completed my10,000 steps.   

    I had the W & F sisters this morning. First grade W must be functioning at least on grade level.  She can read multisyllable words.  We worked on story writing today too.  Already her story structures are better. She develops a single idea better and includes more details. 

   At 11:30 I sent a link to adolescent D. There was no response after several phone calls. I called his mom, “Don’t you remember? He’s at a workshop today. We met on Friday instead.”  Oh, dear.  Between my historic problems with coordinating time, my age, and my Covid brain, I’m lucky I remember anything I don’t write down.  I was concerned about D after our session yesterday. It was very stressful. He experienced problems he hadn’t in a while, unable to retain the sounds of syllables and reversing letters.  His ego is so fragile. I have to be very careful with him. 

    I called the head of the special ed department.  He didn’t call back. It all makes me more suspicious.  I’m anxious to hear if he had any information about why they decided not to hire me. I can’t imagine it’s taken them all this time, since August, to figure out they had someone on staff already who could do the job.  It’s making me paranoid. I’m imagining reasons why they chose not to hire me.  

    Amazon delivered something else for my birthday, my new pink hooded sweatshirt with a pouch.  Yvette gave me hers years ago.  It didn’t look good on her with her darker skin.  Pink didn’t look good on me either when I was younger; I was too sallow.  By the time Yvette offered it to me, I was old enough to have thinner skin which allowed the pink to show. It was perfect. However, that poor old sweatshirt was so overworn, it didn’t come clean anymore. It was time to get a new one.

   I watched two episodes of Grantchester tonight.  They were okay but they don’t draw me in like other mystery shows. 

Friday, December 3, 2021

 Friday, December 3, 2021   

 

      I was up at 1 am again. I had trouble sleeping; I could only doze.  I finally got up to meditate at 3:30. Once I got to underlying sadness, my agitation dissolved, and I relaxed. I went back to bed and had vivid dreams.  I remembered one I had the other day.  I saw a friend's daughter throwing up and knew she was pregnant.  I hope not. They can't afford another child.  This morning's dream was even weirder.  

   The first part of the dream had Mike in it.  He was lying down and grabbed at his chest.  I thought he had a heart attack, but there were no other symptoms. When he grabbed his chest the second time, I got concerned enough to call 911.  That dream stopped there.  I didn't know what happened to Mike; oh, wait, I did.  He died, but not of a heart problem.  I was already dead when I had the dream. I have no idea what it might mean.

   The second dream was weirder.  I met a man of my age who I related to well.   He was my age. Only one problem - I wasn't my current age. I was around 50. He was best friends with the dentist I saw yesterday, who told me I had two abscesses and needed a root canal.  That immediately gave me more confidence in the dentist, who I saw as a rigid autocratic thinker. Somehow it came out that I would die by August 2 because of something or another. But because of something else, I would die by February.  Weird dream. I have never dreamt of my own death before.  I wasn't terribly upset.  I don't know what is generating these thoughts.

      Today, I learned that Crumbley's parents bought their son a firearm as a Christmas present after being warned by the school that he was showing disturbing signs of violence.   The counselor told them he was troubled and needed help. His parents gave him help; they bought him a gun because he wanted it. Wouldn't you do that for your child?  The problem is these folks assumed that all internal troubles come from feeling weak, insignificant, helpless.  They gave him a gun so he wouldn't feel weak, insignificant, or helpless.  He didn't. He felt powerful. Done! Right?  

      I wonder what the gun rights activists will do with this event.   Will they fund a defensive for these parents who really thought a gun would fix their son's psychological problems?  I would say the boy is innocent on the grounds of mental incompetence. Then the parents are also innocent. They thought the gun would make their son feel better. Admitting a need for psychological help was not part of their worldview.  No one in their family needs psychological help.  Obviously!  Is it currently against the law for someone to give a gun to someone who manifests psychological problems? Should it be?  Did the parents actually violate the law as it is currently written?  Will this produce a change in the law? 

   I saw a picture of the parents. Wow! I thought they would look like limited people. Not at all. I don't know what the hell they were thinking. They've gone to ground because they are afraid that people will harm them. I can imagine there are a few furious parents out there. 

     I had an appointment with my therapist Shelly today.  I worked on my vocal tone.  I noticed how I hated it when someone spoke to me in a harsh, snarky way when they didn't get what they wanted. I have known for a while that I speak in snarky ways when I get scared or angry.  I have been working on changing it. Today, I realized that I speak that way when I'm just annoyed too. It's my go-to way of speaking.  I don't ever speak in gentle mellifluous tones.  I know people who do and say the most horrible things.  I can generally control my words, but not my tone.  

        Shelly is a born and bred Ohioan, Midwest through and through. I thought some of my speaking style was because I was a born and bred New Yorker.  I adopted that speaking style. My sister did not.  Part of this style comes from Jewish speaking styles. Argument is built into the culture. It is okay to question God.  It is a learning style. Scholars argue the fine points of the Talmud. It's a way of getting to know the material better and learning more from someone else's point of view. Argument can be used to instruct our 'opponents' on how to convince us of their point of view.  It also occurred to me that disrespected minority groups develop styles of speaking that are defensive and even aggressive styles of speaking.  Shelly said my tone was generally aggressive; she changed it to assertive.  I must work on developing my mellifluous voice. I can do that.  I wonder how it will impact me to hear this different voice, to think in this new voice, and my relationship with others.  

    Mike took issue with my vocal tone. During Mike's first visit to the ICU, a nurse approached him as he lay there intubated and helpless and told him to stop thinking. She said, "'  He's the type of person who thinks too much." I nearly reached across his bed to strangle her. I asked her if she could do that. She said yes. I told her I could too because I was trained. Saying that to Mike in his present condition was just cruel.  After she left, Mike requested writing material. He wrote one word, "Gentle!" Boy, I didn't feel that woman deserved an iota of gentleness.  I thought of reporting her. I still think I should have done that.  

    I called the school on Wednesday to find out how my job application was going but couldn't get through to the principal because of technical problems with their phone system. I was told she would call me back. I called her today. "Oh, we decided we don't need you."  "I was hired to teach a specific student. How are you going to address his needs?"  "We realize we have someone on staff who can do the job." Huh? The head of the special ed department told me how short-staffed they were. That's why they put me through the application process in the first place. I texted the head of the special ed department. He knew nothing about the situation.  Very weird. My first thought was it probably means I won't be working with D anymore once they get the new person.  Later in the day, I wondered if this occurred because someone complained about me.  I can't imagine that to be the case.  I had nothing but success working with the students of third grade when I volunteered.  

    I had PT with Katie. She always gives me insights into how my body works and modify what I do. I showed her an exercise Terry gave me.  She was familiar with it. She suggested I do it on both sides. When I tried that, I could feel the impact.  She was concerned that she was contradicting Terry.  I thought they complemented each other.  It was for me to decide what would be most beneficial what felt best on my body.   She showed me an exercise to strengthen my inner thigh muscles. She explained they were weak because they were so tight. I understood that. For muscles to be strong, they have to flex and extend to the maximum degree. Mine are locked. She instructed me to squeeze a pillow using only my inner thigh muscles, not my glutes. I had to work to isolate them. 

          I also showed Katie how I stretched those muscles.  I crossed the bad left leg behind the right, so they were crossed as much as I could. I then leaned into the left hip.  I got an IT band and an inner thigh stretch.  Katie said my leg would love that position because it was neutral for that left leg. Boy, have I ever twisted myself out of shape. I applied this information to my walk. Now I know what is neutral for my left leg. That gives me something to aim for.

   I used the spelling exercise proposed by third grade A with adolescent D.  Wow! He had terrible problems identifying sounds without the letters being there right before him. He reverted, having trouble holding on to sounds he had already produced and blending them.  He kept reversing sounds pronouncing culp as clup or culope.  I asked him if his head was spinning. Yes, at the front of his forehead.  He had more trouble holding on to sound than I've seen for a while. This was an upsetting session.  Had I pushed him too hard?  I suspect he had problems because I introduced a new activity; I did spelling with him as I had with third grade A.  He must have gotten scared and switched to his old dysfunctional processing system. 

    This evening, there was a package in the mailbox, and it was not from Amazon.  I was expecting it. My friend Jean sent me a long-anticipated present.  She told me about it months ago.  She had it in her freezer. When she went to look for it, it was gone. Her husband had eaten it.  So I knew it was food and something you keep in the freezer. I couldn't imagine what it was. She purchased it anew and sent it out now, just in time for my birthday.  I got a good laugh when I opened it, 7 Hersey's Milk Chocolate bars with whole almonds.   She also threw in a lovely scarf.  I sent her a video with me holding the bars and laughing and a photo of me wearing the scarf.  All this just in time for my birthday.