Sunday, March 26, 2023

 Sunday, March 26, 2023  

    Today was the sixty-seventh anniversary of my father’s death when I was fifteen. I have been dealing with intense sadness and grief. It was a rough morning. Grief tears at me. Yesterday was particularly tough.

   This morning, Elsa and I did a long walk again. I do more steps in a shorter time. I’ve picked up my pace. She didn’t poop on the evening walk or the morning one. I checked the indoor lanai. Sure enough, another present on the carpet. When I picked it up, I showed it to her and took her outside when I dumped it there. I hope she gets the idea.

  Once I fed Elsa, I got ready for church. I left around twenty after and parked in the church lot instead of at the library. I meditated before the mass began. I managed to calm some of the agitation.

   During mass, I heard third-grade Kps’s name mentioned as one of the elect. I walked to the area by the front of the church to see if it was my Kps. It sure was. I was surprised she wasn’t already a member of the church. Her grandmother was a devout Catholic. I don’t know if her mother was there. Grandma has guardianship.     

   I arranged to work with Mama K’s crew this morning, the second day in a row. Mama K is better about reaching out to arrange sessions. I started with Twin A. She reread the passage on the first snowfall we had read yesterday. She did very well. Then I asked her to tell me what it was about. She struggled with that. It sounded like she was trying to remember the exact words in the story. I asked her if she made pictures in her head as she read. She said yes. She did much better once she switched to describing the replay of ‘the movie’ in her head.

     I finally worked with fourth-grade K again. We did more of what we did yesterday, categorizing the questions. He needs help with category #2 questions, requiring him to infer the answer using the text. After we had done several exercises, I asked him if they helped. He gave a clear, strong, yes response.  

  I napped after my session with Mama K’s crew. I set my alarm for my three pm session with third grade Kps. I asked her whether she wanted to work on reading comprehension and long division or talk to me about her feelings. She chose to speak with me about her feelings. She had a difficult visit with her mother. She complained her mother paid more attention to her boyfriend than her. Mama, her boyfriend, their baby, an uncle, and Kps went out for dinner. Mama ordered a drink. The server refused to serve her a second one, and she got angry. The best I could do was sympathize with Kps. This wasn’t a good situation. I said something again to Kps about her grandma having custody. Again, Kps was surprised. I suggested we bring Grandma into the conversation and tell her what was happening.  

  Grandma said she had discussed her guardianship with Kps. I suspect she will have to repeat information yearly as Kps matures and understands more. Grandma was comfortable with Kps discussing her feelings with me. She said if Kps trusted me, that was enough for her.

  I asked Kps a question that she misunderstood. She thought I had asked her why she trusted me. She answered that question. She said she could feel I was a good person and close to God. She said I was magical. That is quite a compliment. I hope I live up to it.

  I made it clear to Grandma that while giving a form of therapy, I was not a trained or licensed therapist. Also, I would not share information with her without Kps’s permission unless I felt she was in danger.

   Grandma gave me some information about the situation. Kps’s mom gave birth to her when she was sixteen years old. It makes her about twenty-four now. She had a difficult home life and moved in with Kps’s grandma’s family. That happens a lot in Hawaii. We have the concept of the Hanai family, the chosen family, and people who are just considered family. Kps’s father died; he was grandma’s son. Grandma told me she approached the mother and asked if they could have guardianship. The mother agreed. The guardianship is renewed annually. Kps was not taken from her mother by Child Protective Services. I asked why Kps’s mother was dysfunctional. Grandma said she didn’t want to talk to me about it at that time- in front of Kps. She would call me. We agreed that I would work with Kps for two half-hour sessions weekly. She wanted to do them both on Sunday. We can start with the academic work for half an hour and then discuss her feelings.

    I met with second-grade M. later in the afternoon and worked on two-step word problems. She did very well. It became clear that she couldn’t use counting by tens of five when adding and subtracting. I pulled up a hundred chart and modeled counting by tens, starting from any number between one and nine. One, eleven, twenty-one, thirty-one, etc. Without my having to ask her to, she tried one on her own. Using counting by fives when adding and subtracting is a little tricker. All the numbers must end in either zero or five.

  I called her mom to say how well she was doing. She wasn’t the same child I started working with. Her mom said, “Yes. We see that. Thank you.”  Ah, it feels so good to have someone say that to me. I like being appreciated.

  I heard a talk on our need for darkness. Historically, light is valued over darkness. That would make sense. Every day, when the sun went down, there was limited light from the moon or fire. Humans would have been at a disadvantage. Nowadays, we can have access to light twenty-four/seven. We never have to be in total darkness. Now, scientists see how the lack of complete darkness affects us physically and psychologically. This is a wonderful insight. I suspect that much racial prejudice is linked to our notion that light is better than dark. Dark is associated with evil. Light is associated with good.