Tuesday, February 14, 2023

 Tuesday, February 14, 2023

  The alarm went off at 5:30, as usual. I was up by six. I had to get up early today; Yvette was giving an extra yoga driveway class for Valentine’s. It was Jared and Corey’s wedding anniversary. Jared died several months ago. It hit the community of people who knew him hard. Yvette was one of those people.

    It was frigid today. I had on long pants, a hooded sweatshirt, and a jacket. When I ran into Vince and Juli, she had her hood up. I had never seen her with her head covered before. When I checked the temperature at the airport, 

it was sixty-five degrees. That means it was five degrees cooler up here at our altitude. I can watch the temperature drop as I turn off Queen K and climb Ka’iminani.

    Thought I only had Iz and her brother J for the day. Lisa, the chiropractor, called as I was lying down for a nap. She reminded me that I had a 12:30 appointment with her. It was noon now. I would make it in time. Naturally, she was running late. Lisa has a standard protocol except for some isolated attention she pays to a requested area. Mine is the upper left side of my body. As my acupuncturist pointed out, the muscle that bothers me is a superficial one that runs from the top of my head down to the little toe.

     Naturally, I was tired when I got home. I napped.

     When I met with first-grade Iz and third-grade J, I continued working on reading with Iz, pushing decoding. I hadn’t had a session with J for several weeks. There had been no incidents of outbursts of anger. The other day, he attacked his sister, kicking her in the ribs. He didn’t want to work; he didn’t want to talk about it.  

    His mother came into the room and handed him a piece of paper. I asked what it was. He said it was a project assignment from school. His mother came back in and explained why she thought it was important. He insisted he couldn’t do the project and ripped the paper.  

  There was anger and frustration on his face. He refused to cooperate with what I wanted to do. I said, “Okay. But you must stay on Zoom until half an hour is up.” He lay down so I could hardly see him, but he didn’t leave the room. We sat in silence; I prayed. I talked about my experiences with unpleasant emotions. When the session was over, he left quickly.

   I spoke to his mother afterward. “How was he after the session?” He was transformed. He was calm. He went right into his room and got to work on his project.

   His mother told me his father had been over during the weekend. He had criticized J repeatedly. Dad’s life is a mess. He is an alcoholic- just about suicidal.   When drunk, he often goes into fits of rage, saying horrible things. While in the marriage, he was occasionally physical. J and Iz witnessed many nasty scenes between their parents when they were still married. His dad has visitation rights. Unfortunately, he is not always sober or on good behavior. J is a nerd; he is bright and a good student. Dad thinks his son is a nerd. He wants his son to be tough and streetwise. In my understanding, streetwise means always assuming someone is out to get you and make sure they don’t. There’s only one point of view and one response. J is capable of more complex responses. Dad considers that ability a failing. The feelings J doesn’t want to talk about aren’t anger but what lies underneath it.

   Mom has tried several therapists. None have had any impact. She said what I am doing has been, and she plans to stick with it.