Wednesday, February 15, 2023

 Wednesday, February 15, 2023  

 The Community Hospital called. I missed my stress test appointment- again. I think I’m stressed about my stress test. They had a cancellation for Friday at noon. I took it.

   I asked Adolescent D if his mom had said anything about the improvement in his handwriting. No. When I texted the two samples, she said, ‘Improvement.” That’s it. I think she is an understated person. Me, I jump up and scream when I see significant improvement. I know not everyone is the way I am. I also know some people are uncomfortable with my unabashed enthusiasm. I’m not sure what D’s mom’s perspective is. She may not even get what a miracle this is. She possibly figures he finally made an effort. It’s weirder than that. He didn’t make an effort; it just came out that way. His brain was changed in a short time by the tracing exercise. Every OT should know about it.

   D’s reading is taking off. We’ve been working on his damaged psychological mindset when it comes to reading. He’s averse to making an effort. It’s just too painful. He finally cooperated with my directions; he focused on one word at a time and one syllable at a time. The objective was to observe his emotional reaction as he read each word. If at any point he felt overwhelmed, he was to stop, and we would work on his reaction rather than the reading. He read well enough to sound fluent. He still gets stuck in potholes. He’ll hit a word he doesn’t recognize and be brought to a halt. He has no idea how to proceed. I have to start from scratch with the directions: begin with the vowel sound, then add on any following consonant sounds; then and only then start adding on the sounds preceding the vowel sound one at a time, working backward. Once a concept is in his long-term memory, all is good. But he can’t use his conscious mind to mediate between the input from the outside world and his long-term memory.  

   Before today, I gave him a 50/50 chance of being a decent reader. As of today, I give him an 80% chance.

    I have Mama K’s crew every Wednesday. I reviewed the division and multiplication facts with third-grade K. He was moving along at a good rate. Twin E took a step backward when it came to memory. Twin A’s reading improves with each session. The Matthew Effect: the more you have, the more you get. When you only have a little, that is taken from you, too.   

   I have been more aggressive about putting myself out there. I placed an ad on Craig’s List. So far, there hasn’t even been a nibble there. I approached Margaret, the head of the Sunday Catechism classes. She put out an announcement of my availability. Not a nibble there. I asked the parents of my current students to please let people know about my availability.

  I have finally found the courage to stick my neck out more aggressively. When I read how Wittgenstein and Heidegger were rejected, I thought, “Well, I’m in good company.” Why should I expect more if the establishment rejected men now considered some of the greatest philosophers? Also, I look at how large companies advertise over and over. Why do I think I shouldn’t have to?

   I wrote the two third-grade Kealakehe teachers I worked with before Covid. One didn’t answer; the other said she was happy with the program the school had her use to teach reading and saw no need for extra help. I don’t care how good the program is; why does she think her students wouldn’t benefit from additional help from a trained teacher who she already knows is competent and successful?   It is so painful to not be wanted. Even if people don’t think I do an amazing job, I need the stimulation.

    Many people confuse all forms of categorization with ‘judgment.’ Judgment is in quotes because it has a connotation. The bad form of judgment is when people see someone as less than a person because of a trait. If you have a learning disability, you’re stupid and not valuable.

       There are contexts where that person’s handicap does disqualify them for something. I’d hate to see a person with quadriplegia be a street cop. How would that work? We are all unqualified for something. The problem is that for some people, they’re terrible people, not worthwhile at all. They shun them.

    Hypersensitive people have problems with their self-image. They probably were told repeatedly by a parent or a teacher they weren’t worthwhile. Henry Winkler is an example. He is terribly learning disabled. He couldn’t read. In an interview, I heard him say he still can’t. (He has excellent auditory recall. He memorized everyone’s part after hearing the script once.) His parents punished him because he couldn’t read. They were ashamed of him. They humiliated him. I can understand his hair stands on end if he hears the term learning disabled. I know that many people who suffered in school without anyone disparaging them still feel that way. It would be helpful if they got treatment for that wound.