Monday, July 1, 2024

 Monday, July 1, 2024

 

   My microwave gave out this morning for good. It’s been acting out for about a year now.  I’d turn it on; the lights went on, but nothing else happened. I learned if I spun the turn table, I could fix the problem. In anticipation of it dying on me one day, I bought a replacement six months ago. It’s been sitting on my kitchen counter in a box since it entered the house.

  I told Lutz about my problem. He came to check it. He told me some switch was affected when I spun the turn table. He told me to move it back and forth very gently instead of spinning it wildly. I’ve done that for a while and got it to work. I could tell when the mechanism was switched on again. Last night, I could tell the mechanism was too smoothed down to catch. I put the frozen meal I planned to eat back in its box and back in the freezer and opened a can of lentil soup, my favorite go-to meal. 

  I texted Yvette first thing in the morning, asking if she could come up and help me get the microwave out of the box. I had opened it and removed some of the packing but didn’t dare try to take it out of the box myself. I knew I would drop it. She came up shortly. We got it out of the box and onto the dining room table. We would get the old one out of the niche in the below-the-counter cabinet and move the new one in there some other time.  The new one is three inches shorter than the old one.  It won’t look as good, but I don’t need the larger version. Losing the old one is troublesome only because Mike bought it. Slowly, over the years, the things that were Mike will disappear.

      I do Chi Qigong on Monday mornings on the beach at Old A, which stands for the old airport. Our meeting site overlooks a bay with tide pools at a shoreline created by smooth black lava boulders.  It’s a fantastic site. The ocean smell is pretty strong here, too. I’ve never smelt it at another location in Hawaii. The Pacific Ocean smells nothing like the Atlantic. The Atlantic has a strong ‘salty’ smell, which I have learned is created by rotten seaweed rather than the salt in the water. The smell of the Pacific is ozone, refreshing but not salty. 

    When I arrived, Clyde was already on the bluff facing the water, taking in the view.  I took my place by his side and silently stood until he turned to greet me.  Besides, taking in the view, we noticed a young shirtless man in cutoff jeans in one of the tide pools. He had something in his hand, which he dipped into the water and retrieved. We couldn’t imagine what he was doing. The object looked a bit like an egg carton from this distance.  He was beautifully built, a poster child for an Esther Gokhale presentation on perfect posture.  I had no way of knowing anything about his background. We never did figure out what he was doing. 

   Clyde and I were the only two today, so we continued with the program.  It consists of three movements repeated 33 or 66 times. That’s it. It’s very relaxing.

   I’ve been struggling with a lot. This deep ache in my chest and solar plexus is annoying.  I can be distracted from it by activity or social contact, but it’s always lurking. Working with the theory that loneliness evokes a fear of death as well as shame.  I see shame and the physical pain that serves as a warning to the system that my life is in danger because of a social threat or because I am already alone. This is part of the memory of early childhood. However, I believe we have an inborn human fear of being alone because if disconnected from the group or tribe, our lives could be in danger. There was no one watching our backs- literally. That put us in life-threatening danger -literally.  When we don’t have one or more bonded relationships, someone committed to our well-being, getting scared is a logical response.

   I tried again to post an ad for my extra Purewick external catheter. I had trouble posting it on Facebook and Next Door; I checked the site rules. Ah, both Facebook and Next Door don’t allow health products. I posted it on Craig’s List.  

   My first exposure to the external catheter was in June of 2022, when I had my hip replacement. The nurse introduced me to it. They went that route rather than encourage me to get up and go to the bathroom because they were understaffed. I couldn’t safely go to the toilet on my own since I had just come out of surgery.

  This gadget is amazing. It has a wick that fits in your crotch that works much like that gadget the dental assistant uses to suck up saliva. I immediately thought of Mike and how much better it would have been for him than the inserted catheter. Unfortunately, it only works for women. There isn’t a version that can serve men,  but hopefully, it will come soon. I can even think of a way to modify the design for them. 

  When I was in the hospital in June 2023 with my broken elbow and shoulder, the staff used it on me when I first arrived. Then they ran out of wicks, and I had to use a diaper. When I got home, I immediately ordered the appliance for home use. I ordered two because I was told they don’t always work. I thought it meant the appliance could be unreliable. This appliance is a simple trouble free operation. The problem occurs when the wick isn’t securely placed.  I understand there is an online video that provides correct instructions. So now I have two of them, the one I used and one still in the box.  The appliance costs $329; I’m trying to sell it for $120. That’s less than half. At least I’d get some of my money back.