Monday, September 9, 2024

 Monday, September 9, 2024

   I took a long nap after dinner. Afraid I’d be up again shortly after midnight, I stayed up till 11 watching The Perfect Couple.  I slept through till 3 a.m.  That was a good four hours of sleep straight. At my age, that’s considered good.  I did some stinking thinking in the early morning before getting up.  I’m convinced this is a bad habit.  I did it occasionally when Mike was alive, but the comfort of his loving presence calmed me.  He declared himself my protector early in the relationship.  While Mike never did something that dramatic again, the feeling of being sheltered stayed with me for the rest of our lives together. It stayed with me until a ‘friend,’ meaning no harm, started criticizing me after he died. I had lost my protector.

   The first time I brought Mike home to meet my mom, he made it clear to her that he wouldn’t allow her to hurt me.  I needed a nap and went upstairs to sleep in my old bedroom. If my mom had the chance, she would have torn me a new one for being so rude to a guest, never considering the impact her emotionally violent verbal barrage would have on the guest.  What she did was always right because she did it. 

     Mike came up to my bedroom, pulled out a chair from my desk, faced it toward the head of the bed, and read.  My mom got the message. She said, “He’s a real man.”  She loved him for it. Aside from one attempt to undermine my relationship with Mike when she first moved in so she could have total control of me, she fully accepted his place in my life and in hers.  Mike was my protector.  He also did his share of criticizing, sometimes justifiably sometimes not.  But nothing he did ever destroyed that profound feeling of deep underlying safety that I felt with him.  Now, I have to find a way to get that deep sense of safety on my own.  The reality is I am no more in danger now than I was then. I lack a place to relax with a deep sense of safety and release all the accumulated fears, justified or not.

     I have had a sore spot on my upper gum for the last two days. This morning, I figured out it’s from a sinus infection. The treatment the doctor recommended seemed to be making it worse instead of better. Each night, I do a nasal rinse with distilled water and whatever is in the packet that comes with the nasal rinse, and then I give myself a few sprays of Flonase. If it continues to get worse, I’ll have to go back to the doctor.

   I did no gardening this morning. I left a little late for my Chi Qigong session with Clyde.  It is usually just the two of us.  Roger, who is an expert in Chi Qigong, will be returned soon. He and his wife are snowbirds; they spend the summers on the mainland and their winters here in Hawaii.  When I pulled up, it looked like Clyde had started without me.  he was happy to start again. We talked for a while before I headed out to do chores.

   My first stop was at Goodwill.  I had a trunk full of stuff Yvette, and I had collected to donate.  I discovered the store didn’t open until 10; it was only 9 a.m.  I went to the bank to cash two checks.  The parking lot was jammed. That was okay. I wasn’t in a hurry and could listen to more of Kingsolver’s Flight Behavior. I do love her books, and her voice is a joy.  I was surprised to discover no line when I got inside. I was in and out. I still had plenty of time before Goodwill opened.  I napped in the bank parking lot.  Someone knocked on my window to see if I was okay.

    I called Innovations Charter School before I headed out on my rounds. Did they require volunteer tutors to follow their methods? Yes. The teacher would tell the tutor precisely what to do. There was no tolerance for other methods.

   A few minutes before 10, I set out to Goodwill. While the shop was open, no one was at the donation door. I brought stuff inside, planning to leave it. Someone came around, concerned I would leave things they couldn’t use.  The empty containers from my Kirkland Chocolate cover almonds were out. They couldn’t accept anything they couldn’t charge at least $2 for. Too bad. They make great canisters. They also couldn’t use Yvette’s bag of hangers, her old mop, or the socks I wanted to contribute. They accepted the bathing suit and a T-shirt too big for me. 

     Next, I went to Island Naturals. I needed more Vitamin K-7, which helps boost calcium absorption. While there, I picked up two containers of mini fruit strudels and a tuna salad.

 At Costco, I got two bottles of Blink for dry eyes.  I discovered there are two varieties: one for dry eyes and one for contacts.  I checked the color of the bottle I had been using. It was the same as the two I just purchased.  I picked up two packs of everything bagels and lox  I passed their new sushi frig and picked up a large package of California rolls. I hadn’t had that in a dog’s age.

    When I got home, I napped. I am dragging a good part of the time. I can do my 10,000 steps, but I have to push myself out the door. My heart feels heavy. I think it’s grief, but I should be smart and get my heart checked.

  I had the Twins today, finally.  I had in mind to work on having them repeat sentences  I read to them. Twin E is still far behind. While she read slowly, she read reasonably well except when she hit an unknown word. Then she offered a wild guess, not honoring the spelling of the word or its meaning in context.  Both girls did well on the comprehension. When I asked them what the passages were about, they nailed it. They weren’t just good for them; they were good for most kids in their age bracket. 

  I did some of the repetition exercise.  Both girls had trouble repeating the sentences accurately, Twin E more so than Twin A.  Twin A gave me back a sentence with the same meaning but not the exact words.  Getting the correct meaning is significant, but you lose the meaning if you alter the words too much. It is essential to hear what people say accurately.

     Twin E is resistant to hearing anything she isn’t already familiar with. Lots of the kids have that problem. They convert sentences into something familiar and then look ‘stupid’ because they have difficulty learning. If you dismiss any new material and refuse to hear it, you’ll have trouble learning.

    I had fourth-grade LG later in the day.  His Zoom doesn’t work regardless of what type of instrument he is on any of the three or four computers in the house or his mom’s cell phone.  I don’t get it. Is this a message from the universe telling us this is not good for him? LG understands complex sentences and thoughts. He, like the Twins, cannot tolerate the unfamiliar.  If you can’t tolerate the unfamiliar, you can’t learn.

    When the teacher taught rounding to the 100th place this year, he got it.  He followed her procedure even though he didn’t know why. Last year, when the teacher taught the same procedure, rounding to the tens place, he couldn’t learn it.  I created an exercise for him that I hoped would teach him how to tolerate following directions with complete understanding.  I used five images from the stock images on the top row. Four of them were present in the bottom row with a question mark.  He had to identify the image missing from the question. He struggled a bit even with the images but got it. Today, when I returned to working on sentences, he did much better. Ahhh!