Sunday, May 30, 2021

 Sunday, May 30, 2021

 

            I worked on walking one foot in front of the other like I was being tested for drunkenness by the cops. It felt pretty good.

            Wow! procrastinating can make one very productive. In avoiding the videoing, I got tons done. I cleaned behind the frig, trimmed the bougainvillea, went to the bottom of the property, picked limes, did a laundry, and washed Elsa. Pretty good for one day, given that I also completed several of the updates.

            I received the second late payment penalty from Chase. I have never been late before. The problem is I converted from paying by check, writing it the moment I opened the bill, to electronic payment. I forgot. I needed to set up a system to remind myself.

        Ah, a new theory about why therapists have trouble relating to me. I don't easily entrain or line up my nervous system with someone else. What does that mean? Entraining is the coordination of nervous systems. If you have a group of people with each individual doing their own thing, their brain images all look different. If you have that same group of people listen to the same story, their brains all look the same. When people enjoy a conversation with a similar rhythm and topic, their brains will show a similar pattern. Humans, probably all social animals, crave entrainment. 

        Ah, the reaction of others to me when I was younger is beginning to make sense—even therapists' responses. I didn't entrain with others, but my need to bond didn't go away. I pulled others into my pattern; I forced them to entrain with me. Ah! I can see how others perceived that. How would one know the difference between narcissism, someone trained to believe they are the center of the universe. Someone with my problem, taught never to routinely entrain with another on their terms but still has a need to do so. The solution was to force others to entrain with me. I didn't know what was going on.

      My father trained me to always think for myself, to be very cautious to avoid entrainment. He saw the impact of entrainment in Nazi Germany. People were vulnerable to entrainment, and that created mob action. We weren't allowed to join the Girl Scouts. All group identification was out. He was right, but  . . .  

            Actually, I entrain very well when I'm doing a healing. Then, the other person is the center of my universe- for the time I'm working with them. I think some people think that's who I will be with them at all times, someone who makes them the center of our combined world. How did I get so lucky to have Mike walk into my life? He saw me as what I was: someone deeply concerned about others' needs as they see them and equally concerned about my own. Because he saw me that way, the person I was to a certain extent, and the person I wanted to be, I became more of that person. Mike, thank you. 

 

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Musings:

            Proactive versus reactive violence.  

            A lack of inhibition causes reactive violence. The person is overcome by their emotions and the accompanying adrenaline. Their behavior is driven by their unconscious minds.  

     Proactive violence is planned, carefully planned. Think the Nazis calmly and coolly sending people to their deaths -. no wasted emotion there.

     I think people are more afraid of reactive violence than proactive. People see some groups of people as reactive and uncontrollable. These are usually minority groups that build up frustration and then let loose. But it is also people who see themselves as victims in all situations and react in uncontrollable ways. Think of abusive men who beat the hell out of their partners.

            Both forms of violence sound terrible to me.