Wednesday, May 5, 2021
One of my walking acquaintances told me that the Covid vaccine reduces your immune system. She was seeing a naturopath. This woman took a blood sample before they got the vaccine and then after. They didn't have the results yet. She said the doctor got a call from some government official in Honolulu that she had no business testing for the impact of the vaccine on the immune system. The good doctor's question sounded reasonable to me, and she tested it in verifiable ways. Then my walking buddy threw in a few other theories just for good measure.
One was that we have NO legal right to the results of our medical tests. We only get those results at the discretion of the doctor. I checked that. Well, my source says that is not true. We are legally entitled to the results of our medical tests. They did say that the procedure for getting those results varies from state to state. I have a call-in to a friend who was a personal injury lawyer in his youth. He would know. He would be dealing with doctors who would love to conceal the results of tests.
The woman's other claim was that the vaccine causes infertility. I checked that too. There is no evidence yet. It may; it may not. A German doctor noticed that the vaccine contained a protein that could affect the placenta. That's as far as the experimentation had gone. That got turned into a for-sure. What is wrong with people? As if things aren't tense enough. Why commit yourself to something that adds to the paranoia?
My fourth grade D's mother texted me last night to say he would be at his grandmother's, and she had to cancel. Of course, he could do the session there just as easily as at home. Grandma has a phone and a brand-new tablet. I'm not pushing it.
I had an appointment with my life coach, Shelly. I was feeling lousy. I had two social occasions where I had a wonderful relaxed, fun time. Then I wondered if my behavior was appropriate in retrospect. I was left with a feeling of discomfort, which I associate with shame. I wondered if I responded this way because of my mother's constant reminders that people didn't like me, or was this response something normal. Shelly assured me that most people do that. It is normal to recall the event, find fault with our behavior, and fear rejection. Knowing this is just part of the human condition and not something specific to me helps. Somehow it is easier for me to quiet those fears when I know they are not specific to me.
The 'ladies who lunch' was one event that triggered self-doubt. The second was my tutoring support hour. I was afraid I said too much about my unconventional approach to neurological problems in reading. The neuroscientist found it interesting, but I'm concerned the organization will say they can't have someone working in their organization who doesn't use conventional methods. I love my association with the Step-Up Program. I have a great student, but I also get to participate in classes instructing us in methods of teaching math and reading. They also have game events. They build community among the tutors and the children. It's a great program.
When Mike was alive, I had him to help me quiet those punishing voices. I would come home, ask for a hug and feel loved and accepted. I had a safe harbor to come home to. I knew I had a place where I belonged unconditionally and was loved. I no longer have that safe harbor.
Today was the third session of the Grief workshop with Yoga Farms Ithaca. I watched it while lying on the couch and allowed myself to fall asleep. I find Daniela very healing. I can always listen to what she has to say afterward. I must say, she hasn't said much that I haven't thought of myself. I love sessions like this because you never know what will happen. The words said may be the same as I've heard before, but I may hear them differently. That difference may change everything.
At three pm, I had a session with M. She came to the screen wearing a mask. She told me she was in quarantine. A student in her class-tested positive for Covid. She was out of school on Friday, and the test result came back on Tuesday. The girl was one of her best friends. All the students had to go home and remain there for two weeks. They have to wear masks in their own homes. M's mother came to the door and said she didn't have to wear it while on Zoom with me while in her room.
M looked terrible. As we talked, I saw her face twitch. The current situation was all very hard for her. First, I assured her that neither she, her classmates, nor her family were at risk of death. They're all too young to make that a likelihood. But there was more than that. M was having a tough time dealing with the uncertainty of the world she was thrust into. I could feel her mind racing to find a solution. It felt like she was in a situation where her teacher told her to go home and solve a math problem without telling her what the problem was. What do you do in that situation? We spent the whole session with me trying to help her find a way to deal with her current circumstances. She would become calmer; her face would be at rest, and then the twitching would start up again.
One of the participants in the grief workshop was a young person, someone in his/her twenties. He/she talked about how hard it was to be young now. I can imagine. How do you envision a life when you have no idea what you're working with? He/she was sobbing. I am so glad I'm old. I believe that I have lived in the best era of any time in human history. I was born in 1940. Nazi Germany wasn't put to rest yet, but my family (except for three) people had all reached safety. Life was not only simpler, but food, housing, and medical care were also at an optimal point, just enough and not too much. We weren't rich; we didn't have a huge home with three bathrooms, but it was all good enough. In my teens, we moved to a three-bedroom house with three bathrooms. That's when my dad died. My mom picked up the ball and ran with it. She did an amazing job. I don't know if she could do that in today's world. How do you dream of a future in such an uncertain world?
Damon commented about worrying about August missing his high school years and the necessary socializing experience. I pointed out that he was in good company. All his peers were in the same boat. He wouldn't be behind them. Next, I told him that his dad and I were social inepts in high school, and we managed to make a life for ourselves. It took effort on our part, but we ultimately did okay.
I finally had my adolescent D after a week's hiatus. I had hoped that he would come back an even better reader than he was at our last session. But no. He struggled. I find he has a problem with his self-condemnation. It makes for an unnecessarily rocky learning path. I told him his reading problems were nothing more than a nuisance. His serious problem was how hard he was on himself. I asked him if he would allow me to help him deal with this problem. He said yes.
I know I'm going to have to be very careful with D. He tends to force himself to do things to be 'cooperative.' It's almost a way of punishing himself for having problems. It makes working with him feel lousy. He must commit to only doing things that feel safe, comfortable, easy, fun, and effective. I think the first four on the list are self-evident. By effective, I mean that the person believes the activity I give them might be effective. Even if I wind up being right, I tell people it is irrelevant. Their resistance says where they are now. It makes clear what they are prepared to deal with at this moment. The best teaching/learning occurs when the person is ready to learn, not when they are forced to do something ahead of their growth and understanding.
More wonderful Endeavor at night. However, there is a problem. Morse had a fling when he visited Venice on vacation. Now, he was befriended by the woman's husband (Morse did not know she was married) and thrown back into her company. No, this is not an accident. The husband must have sought Morse out. I'm sure he had his wife followed. Morse never marries; we know this because we have seen Inspector Morse as an older man. The show we are watching now is a prequel. We also know this is a mystery show. I assume the husband plans to kill his wife for her infidelity. Oh, well. Not good, but not 'edgy' either. I have no taste for edgy.
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