Thursday, April 1, 2021

 Thursday, April 1, 2021

      Elsa has been barking and running toward cars for quite a while. Now she has started doing this with pedestrians. I’m wondering if something is wrong with her, like a brain tumor. Her behavior is getting weird. It is also getting weird in good ways, from my point of view. She started cuddling with me. It’s taken her two years to fully accept me as a Mike replacement. Boy, she missed him.

        It’s interesting. Just as Elsa recovers, I go into the worst phase of my grief. The second anniversary of his death was on March 3. I heard a theory that the third year is the worst. It’s like a slow detox – only of something good, love, and security.  

         Mike always greeted me joyfully. I don’t think he ever looked at me and had that “Oh, it’s her again” look. He was always delighted. There are a few people who greet me that way now. I am so grateful for them. They aren’t in touch with me every day, but I can hold the delight I think I hear in their voices. Then some people make me feel tolerated when they look at me. And then some look at me and communicate, “Oh, shit. Here she comes.”  I thank God daily for those in my life who show enthusiasm for my existence. 

        Yvette canceled yoga for today, anticipating a 3 o’clock appointment with the vet for Liner, who threw up some pretty yucky-looking stuff yesterday.

         I upload a blog entry a year behind the current date. I always check the stats when I do. The average number is slowly rising—no more zeroes, some ones, but more threes and fours and fives and sixes. Sometimes there’s a surprisingly large number, like 150. I have no idea how that happens. It’s fun to watch the numbers increase.

           I usually have a small bowl of pretzels for breakfast with two cups of water before I have my miso soup with tofu. This morning, I finished off a large container of pretzels. I practice replacing items I regularly use when I start using the last one. I have been completely reliable. I went to get a new jar. There wasn’t one. This was the second time I found myself completely out of something, having forgotten to order it when I opened that last. My short-term memory is slipping. I thought of how to compensate for this lack. I will set the empty container near my computer and not throw it out until I have placed the next order.

        At 10 am, Judy arrived, as we had arranged. She watched the recording of my Zoom presentation to the Step-Up group. Judy said I didn’t look like a daft, hyper lady, just animated. She had questions about the process. Her questions made it clear that I hadn’t explained a step clearly enough. I have to do more demonstrating before I can expect someone to do it on their own. To experiment with Phase I, she wrote Hail, Guardian. She asked how the student would know to keep ai together to represent the long a.  If I’m working with a student who doesn’t know, I will tell them. More likely, I’m writing the transcription while I pull the sounds out of them, so they will see it modeled and not have to ‘know’ it.  

         E, the adolescent, canceled again for today. I finally asked him if he would like to stop our sessions. He canceled three weeks in a row. What’s going on? He finally said that he wanted to continue the sessions, but Thursdays have been busy. Later in the day, I also got a cancelation for A. His older brother broke his arm, and his mom had to take him to the doctor.