Friday, May 28, 2021

Friday, May 28, 2021

 

            I slept well, despite napping most of the day. The grief is hitting hard today. I feel weighted. I spent most of the day meditating. 

    There was one good shift. I watched a Gokhale video on meditative walking. It wasn't Esther who made the presentation; it was one of her teachers. She spoke about putting the forward heel down lightly. I realized I did that with the left heel but not the right. I land hard on that one. I had to hold my weight in my left leg to land lightly. It felt surprisingly good. Besides putting both heels down lightly, I  put one foot in front of the other, like a tightrope walker.

            I had some confusion about payments with one of my clients. She assumed fewer hours than I had given. It was not intentional on her part. I think she's as flaky about numbers as I am. And I am flaky. I don't hear numbers. Mike would say I'll be home at such and such time. Then he would come home later, and I'd be curled up in a corner, having already donned my widow's weeds. He developed a practice of taking my face in his hands and saying, "What time did I say I was coming home?" That worked. 

            I got a bank statement from my local bank. Yikes! They charge $17.50 to have funds transferred from Venmo to my account. Really? I have to check the charge is on my Raymond James account for that service. If it's less or nonexistent, I'll switch my account.

            I worked with my adolescent E. He is doing very well. He had wanted to get some work over the summer to earn his own money, and he did. I forgot to ask him how he got the work. I had advised him to tell everyone he met that he was looking for some work to earn money. That's what I did when I was looking for a job. I told every person I met, even after a short conversation, that I was looking for work. You never know from which corner it will come. I got each of my jobs that way except for my first teaching job in 1962. A representative came to our school in Cortland, New York, and recruited teachers.

            As I started working with E, I asked if he was worried about one of his sisters, who is just a few years younger. He said yes. I wondered if he knew why he was worried; he said no. I told him why I was worried about her. She is morbidly shy. She is only comfortable around members of her family. That's a pretty large group; she has five brothers and sisters and many aunties, some probably not blood relatives but considered part of the extended family. Problem: she looks like a woman who will hook up with an abuser. She has no experience judging someone's character upon meeting them. Some dude will come along, tell her she's the sun and the moon, and he wants her all to himself. She will feel 'loved," and then …..  We had no way to work with her; I suggested doing the Ho'oponopono prayer.  

            I told E the story of a psychiatrist who emptied a mental institution by saying this prayer for all the inmates. I said we should say it for his sister. He said we couldn't because she was at the beach. He didn't get that you don't say it to someone's face, except in your imagination.   The prayer is four phrases repeated: "I'm sorry. Forgive me. Thank you. I love you." That's it. We did it. Good God, this kid has the most loving heart; impressive. We both experienced his sister as being alarmed by our prayer for her. She felt invaded. I'm not sure how to deal with this. I will continue the prayer on my own when I feel called. I know that his praying for her will be very significant. 

            In the evening, I looked for a British murder mystery. I came across a movie called The Whistleblower, starring Rachel Weisz. It was too scary. I switched to A Touch of Cloth- forget that. I finally settled on The Gift starring Kate Blanchett. I like everything she does. I only watched half of it before going to bed.