Wednesday, July 31, 2024

Wednesday, July 31, 2024

 

   I woke up in the middle of the night upset, worrying about who would take care of Elsa if anything happened to me. Since Elsa bit Masha last night, I'm concerned we can't trust the two of them. I don't think Masha attacked back, but it was frightening.

    The plan has always been for Yvette to care for Elsa if I travel, am hospitalized, or die. While Yvette would feed Elsa and walk her twice a day if I was away or hospitalized, Elsa would be alone otherwise and wouldn't do well with that. If I died before Elsa, Yvette couldn't take her in.

   I got up around 3:30, unable to sleep, and looked up how much it would cost to have a pet sitter. At $25 an hour for 24 hours, that is $600 a day. There must be a way to work it out. That's very steep. Of course, my full-time care costs $45 an hour. I also texted a friend who pet-sits. She would do it for free if available when we needed her.

   I modified my morning yoga routine again today. Instead of releasing a full breath while laughing with each yoga move, I make as many moves as possible while releasing a single breath. I maintain a single stretch until I have released all the air, then do the same thing six more times. It was very time-consuming. Now, I do as many as three stretches before I take a breath.

  Elsa and I managed to get over 4,000 steps today. I wasn't supposed to see Damon and Cylin this morning. They had plans to go to Kua Bay on their own. I first assumed I would go with them. Damon made it clear I wasn't welcome. They wanted some alone time. I had mixed feelings. I was sad not to be included since their visit was so short—only four days. But I was happy they wanted to be alone. 

   They called about ten. They hadn't gotten up and out and dropped their plans for Kua Bay.  Instead, they went to the turtle beach and snorkeled. Cylin reported seeing many fish and turtles.

    They invited me to join them for lunch. They would pick up sandwiches at this place Yvette told them about. I order a turkey BLT. They called when they were home. I drove up to their Airbnb. The sandwich was delicious. I brought a Kombucha with me.  I think I'm addicted. Hopefully, it's not bad for me. 

  When I told Damon and Cylin of my concerns, they told me it was their idea for Yvette to bring Masha up for dinner. Yvette probably thought it would be okay. Elsa and Masha had met in the street, and there was no drama. Of course, this was different. It was in Elsa's territory, and I had been alarmed when I first saw Masha in the house. Yvette brought her up, thinking I was okay when she brought Little up. This is different. Little is little, and she was old and clung to Yvette. Masha is four times the size of Elsa, young and exploratory.  I'm certain Masha meant no harm.  She didn't return Elsa's bite with one of her own.  Masha is a good girl. I'm not sure Elsa is quite so forgiving. This 13-pound dog takes on trucks, particularly white ones.

    Damon and Cylin lazed around and watched some of the Olympics. I napped. Cylin napped. Then Damon talked about the late afternoon plans. He spoke of going to the Mauna Kea and hiking one mile to see the sunset.  I assumed he was talking about the hotel. No.  He was talking about the mountain, driving up to the visitors' center. I have been there several times. I've never been impressed. You get to see the sunset from above the clouds. Whoopee.  It does nothing for me. And- it is freezing cold up there after sunset.   I begged off. Learning where they were going, Yvette grabbed a sweatshirt and decent shoes.  

   I did more work in the yard.  It is overwhelming. I need to put in at least an hour a day to keep up with it.  I don't do that. My latest project is cleaning up the green waste from Casey's trim job on the overgrown Plumbago bush.   I stuffed a large pile of Plumbago green waste into three 5-gallon buckets. I walked two over to Darby's.  I had the large, now empty trash barrel in hand, ready to wheel back home when my phone rang. It was Shelly, my therapist/life coach. I forgot about her with my focus on the Damons. I shared my upset about the scene with Elsa and Masha and the drama at and about the skin care shop at Kona Inn Shopping Village. I floundered as I struggled to free myself from the grip of sadness and anger about the incident with Masha and Elsa.

   I wondered if everyone feels physical pain when upset. Shelly said no, not everyone did. She had been recommending I find where the sensation was in my body. She then switched her instructions. She said to focus on my whole body. My mind went to the surface of my aura. That's where I found focus and access to a healing state.

    I went through bouts of anger, not so much about the current situation as in general.  Rage, really. I once led a student through this rage and laughed at his reaction. We each have to confront that infantile rage that never entirely leaves us. It's more on the surface for some than others. My best guess is it's dependent on how responsive the primary caretakers were to the infant. My mom was unresponsive. She marched to the beat of her own drum. Her ability to be in harmony with another was limited. As I followed the anger, it was clearly that infantile rage. My mother wouldn't tolerate that for two hot seconds, even in an infant. I know because I watched her response to her granddaughter. When Karin was two, she had a temper tantrum in my mother's presence.  My mom said, "If you cry like that, you will never have a boyfriend." Pretty bizarre response. Not to worry. Karin is happily married with two kids.

     I got to work with the Twins in the late afternoon. Twin E had problems recognizing the difference between the capital I (I) and the lowercase L in some fonts. They looked the same. She doesn't realize that a capital L would not be a second letter in a word.

   Then, E couldn't read the word plant and wouldn't try to decode it. Instead of following the procedure I taught her repeatedly, she acted like it was an impossible task.  

1.     What's the vowel? 2. What is the letter after the vowel?  She gave me the letter before the vowel.  3. Then she blended the a and n. 4. What's the letter after the n? She blended the an and the t with relative ease. 5. What's the letter before the a? Blend that with ant. 6. What is the letter before the l; blend that with lant.

  We have gone over this procedure time and time again. It's like E's deliberately taking a step backward because school is right around the corner, starting on Monday. Then, the tablet ran out of juice. I texted the older sister to plug it in and put Twin A on. It took a while. I organized myself for the afternoon hike Damon and Cylin planned. I put my walking stick and sun hat by the door, along with a flask for water.

    I decided not to go on the Mauna Kea trip to see the sunset. I've been up there several times. None of them rang my chimes. The first time, Yvette arranged to have a friend drive us up to the top. The goal was to arrive in time to watch the sunset. We were too late. I got out of the jeep. The wind was a brisk 40 mph. I clung to the side of the building, frightened that I would be blown off the mountaintop. The other times, I visited the visitors' center with  Mike. Mike was thrilled to look through the telescopes at the stars. Eh!

  Damon called after an hour. I had convinced them not to go; Yvette helped with that. It's a long drive, and it would be cold and windy. The three of them went for a walk somewhere else. Damon proposed we have dinner at Jackie Rey's. He made a reservation for 7:15. I arrived shortly before Damon, Cylin, and Yvette did. I wore a dress; they were both still dressed for hiking.

   The menu was high-class but little interested me. I had raw ahi with seasoning, elegantly presented. I learned Damon and Cylin planned to go home tomorrow instead of Friday. Damon wanted to ensure he spent time with his son, August, while on vacation. August was supposed to come with them, but he came down with a bug and stayed home.