Saturday, April 12, 2025

 Saturday, April 12, 2025 

      I didn’t work with the Twins again this morning. I signed on to Zoom at 8 am, and nothing.  Mama K called to say she couldn’t wake her older daughter to get her to sign the girls into the Zoom meeting.  I do not know why they don’t teach the girls to do it independently.  There’s a good chance they will ‘forget’ to do it if left to their own devices, but how’s that different from them missing their appointment because their sister slept in.

   I woke up in a down mood, qualifying for depression, except all I needed to get my mood to shift was half an hour of contact with another human being. I’m a true extrovert. My vision of hell is being surrounded by introverts who object to my behavior and don’t think they should have to tell me why.  It’s the “something’s wrong with you if you don’t give me what I want” philosophy of life. My mother held that vision.  I couldn’t imagine anyone actually believing that until she finally convinced me toward the end of her life. 

   Now, there are circumstances where the assumption of absolute authority is an appropriate position in military combat.  In preparation for that, personnel are trained to say “Yes, Sir,” or “Yes, Ma’am” to everything. The highest ranking person says, “The moon is made out of blue cheese,” the only appropriate response is “Yes, sir!” Everyone is cannon fodder. What they know, think, or feel is irrelevant. Their inner life is as irrelevant as the inner life of a car. The only question is whether it will serve to forward a military action. You have to love it when people hold that they are entitled to that degree of self-abnegation from others.  

    As you can see, this is an issue I have been subjected to.  I’m delighted to say I didn’t return the favor when it was my turn to be the one with the power.  You’re not to confuse that with the thought that I made no errors. Of course, I did.  I don’t even have to know what they were. I’m human; I made mistakes. But I didn’t hold it as a concept that my mother was supposed to do everything my way.

   Dean and Nina came today as usual for our game of Sorry. I won handily. Nina, who usually wins, only had two pawns on the board. It was a weird game.

   Dean told the story of his early school experience he had told before.  When he was in second grade, his teacher sent him for special help in reading. When it came time for him to read, he would stammer or not read.  Dean didn’t have a speech problem; he was painfully shy. The teacher who evaluated him discovered he read on a 6th-grade level. 

    Dean said that when his class went to the library, his teacher tried to direct him to grade-level books. In the meantime, he was reading the encyclopedia at home, even checking out references to other entries.  

    Dean’s experience brings me back to the conflict we have about wanting to be seen and not wanting to be seen.  Shy people hide and don’t want to be seen. However, he wanted the teacher to treat him as someone who read the encyclopedia even though he looked like someone who was below grade level.