Friday, July 10th, 2020

       I stayed in bed when the alarm went off, even though I was up.  I just snoozed for a while. I weigh myself every morning. For the last two days, the scale has reported 144 lbs. Where did they come from? I don’t eat that much, except for my chocolates at night.  This has to stop.  I can’t continue packing on the pounds. 

The day was overcast, so it remained cool as I walked.  I meditated when I got home. I had a Zoom tutoring meeting with D at 10:30 am.  We had trouble connecting the auditory. Everything looked okay on my end, but what do I know? Finally, his mother figured out how to fix the problem.

      In our last session, he demonstrated he still had problems recognizing the consonant digraphs sh, ch, and th.  Today, I asked him if he thought English had one letter for each sound. He said yes.  Good luck! This is English.  I told him that while there are twenty-six letters in the English alphabet, there are forty-four sounds. Too many sounds for the letters, so we have to make up other symbols for those sounds. Therefore, we have digraphs.  

     Good explanation, but only partially true. If we have the letter f to represent the sound /f/, why do we need ph to represent the sound too? How do you explain this nonsense to a child who has trouble remembering as much as D. does? He doesn’t only have trouble with his associative memory, remembering 7 x 9=63; he has a problem with his procedural memory: the steps he has to take to accomplish something, like division or word decoding. I have been covering the procedure for decoding words since last August. I still have to start from scratch.  He is not a ‘stupid’ boy.  He has a reasonable vocabulary.  He does seem to be getting a little better at reading for meaning; he substitutes words that make sense into a sentence when he doesn’t know the word—a step in the right direction, for sure. 

After I got off the Zoom with D., Marissa called from Progressive. She was going to introduce me to someone in a managerial position.  She has been wonderful. She calls me back promptly, speaks to me with more than just courtesy, gives good explanations, or says she doesn’t know and passes me on to someone who might know better.  She arranged for me to speak to a supervisor so I could get the best service.  I was connected to Tom, who was an underling.  He was going to connect me to his supervisor. He announced that Rob would handle the matter with me.

Rob asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted to challenge the premium rate. He said I received notification of my rates whenever the policy was renewed. He told me the matter was closed.  When I told him I wanted to pursue it, he told me to get a lawyer.  It wasn’t just what he said; it was his tone of voice that was suspicious. He sounded temperamental, defensive, and irritable.  He didn’t sound like someone in a supervisory position requiring dealing with the public.  I asked him if he was the supervisor. He said no; he was a Resolution Consultant. I have some questions about his suitability for this job. I said, “Thank you. Goodbye,” and hung up. 

I called Marissa to let her know what had happened. She didn’t get back to me right away, as she usually did. It was during lunch hour.  A few hours later, she did call. I told her my experience with Rob. She apologized. She asked me if I wanted to connect with someone right away. I told her that the first fellow I talked to sounded okay except that we got disconnected, and he never called me back. I thought that since he had started the process, he might be better equipped to finish it. 

I went down for my midday nap. I do love those naps. Scott called my name as I was waking up.  He had bought the fertilizer for my lime tree.  He told me how to apply it. 

     When I did my before-dinner walk,  Mariana, a neighbor, drove past. She was on her way to Matsuyama’s to buy a tub of ice cream.  She sells coffee from her farm out of her car at Costco. I see her car there, but often not her. She’s got the seat leaning way back, and she’s snoozing, waiting for her customers to come by.  I asked her how she managed to tolerate the heat during the day. She said, Oh, she’s used to it. 

     Marianna always has a great smile on her face. It was a delight to speak to someone who smiled at me. My facial muscles are forgetting how to smile. I bet it makes me look a good ten years older.  Given how I am doing with the lack of social stimulation, I can only imagine how it is for others who are isolated than I am. I also feel more empathy for those confined in prison cells with a lack of physical and social stimulation. I have been limiting my walks to the road I live on lately.  I think I’m going to have to mix it up, so I have more visual stimulation.  Of course, I’m limiting it because of the physical problems I’m having. I may have to wait until they clear up. How much of this limitation can I still overcome?

Dorothy recommended a new mystery series, The Frankie Drake Mysteries.  I didn’t find it very satisfying.  A little too lightweight. 

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Musings. 

This one is about perception in the context of education, a subject that fascinates me. 

      In the reading profession, the big debate has been whether we recognize a word as a whole or break it down as we read it. Competent readers experience reading as something that happens without needing to analyze each word.  We have complete knowledge of the word after a brief glimpse. Obviously, we are not doing a laborious analysis of the word. However, when we describe our experience when reading that way, we only describe what our conscious minds are doing. 

Our nonconscious minds do a very detailed analysis of everything we see in split-second timing, once we have trained them to do their job.  That training can be labor-intensive and hard work. It entails forcing neurons that are asleep to wake up and perform their intended function, connecting with other neurons. 

     The conscious mind gets an easy ride once the unconscious mind is adequately trained. The unconscious mind breaks down perception into minute details: the curved lines versus the straight ones, the tall ones versus the short ones. After the neurons send their specific information to the right place, something combines all that information into a whole again. That reconstituted image is what the conscious mind gets to see and then claims it did all the work. Not. Automatic processing does not become automatic automatically. It always takes some conscious input.  For some, that learning phase is short; for others, it is long; for others, it is very long. This is related to the development of our brains. There are multiple causes.

Thursday, July 9, 2020

I woke up before my alarm went off.  Waking up before my alarm after a good night's rest gave me confidence that I wasn't depressed.  I have been somewhat concerned.  I feel sluggish. Today, my hair stopped looking and feeling good. My mom always said you can tell how people feel by the way their hair sits.  If it seems like it can't be managed, they are not doing well.  My hair is not sitting right. It suggests I'm out of sorts.

It was a two-sweatshirt morning again.  It was a bit warmer by 7, but still a gorgeous, cool day.  I focused as much on the sky and the landscape as I did the postures this morning in our driveway yoga class. There were only four students today. One student called Yvette to tell her she had overslept; another fell going to the bathroom and possibly broke a rib. There was one returning student.  He thought he had been exposed to someone with the virus. As it turned out, both he and his contact tested negative. It was most considerate of him to wait until he was cleared.

Yvette took a picture of me and Elsa during savasana. I was lying down with my knees bent. The image revealed how out of whack my body is. I wrote Yvette about it. She said it wasn't a surprise. Surprise! It was to me. I had focused on my back, not my lower legs. 

After yoga, I meditated.  I have been doing that more regularly. After I meditated, I was tired and slept for a while.  I do love to sleep, and fortunately, I sleep very well. 

At 10:30, I had a Zoom tutoring session with D. He is doing a better job of remembering his multiplication facts. He doesn't always come up with the correct answer, but he does come up with the numbers we have been working on. He will remember that 7x9= 62, and 7 x 6= 46, and 9x4=34.  I can imagine people asking, "Where's the improvement?" Admittedly, I am being optimistic.  He is getting all the numbers in the tens place correct and mixing up the numbers in the ones place. We're only working with five multiplication facts because the objective is to embed the neural pathway for associative recall. 

His reading varies from one minute to the next. He can read difficult words correctly and then read he'd as had, even though it makes no sense in the sentence. On the other hand, he does catch his mistakes more often, and when he does make mistakes, they are substitutions that support the meaning of the text. I am frustrated because he prioritizes getting through the text quickly and sounding good over accuracy.  I can't convince him that he will make better progress toward his goal if he moves slowly.  It is frustrating. 

I spent a good part of the day dealing with Progressive about the insurance premiums.  I initially contacted them to confirm the date I added Adam to the insurance.  I received that information on February 27, 2019.  I also asked for the dates when I dropped Mike from the car insurance policy. I had asked that once before; I was told March 4.  When I asked this time, I got a different date, March 27. This company is driving me around the bend.  While I was on the phone, I asked who to contact if I wanted to challenge the premiums. I obtained the contact information of a higher-level service provider.

Wow! What a difference! I had left a message saying that I wanted to challenge the premiums. Marissa, the Progressive agent,  got back to me later that day. She listened carefully and told me she had to pass me on to someone in the Policy Department. I spoke to Brandon, who was also attentive. Then, we were disconnected.  I don't think he hung up on me, but he also didn't call me back. I have no idea what happened. I called Marissa back after several hours to let her know what had happened.  She suggested that I speak to a manager. I told her I would rather wait until the next day.

I headed out to Home Depot to pick up the pole pruner that Scott recommended.  They come in three sizes: 12 ft, 14 ft, and 16 ft. I was wondering which would be most suitable for my needs. I called B. He said the 12-foot would be perfect.  Great, it was the least expensive. 

I also picked up a house plant to replace the one that died the other day.  I believe the one I got now is the same plant as the one Mike brought home. Let's see if I can keep it alive.

--- --- --- --

Musings:

White privilege: I've been hearing a lot about it. Again, I think the term is a misnomer for most whites. White privilege means that I can assume a police officer will be polite to me when he stops me for speeding or crossing a lane inappropriately.  To me,  white privilege means that I can lie in my bed at night and be confident that the police will not break into my home.  It means that I was entitled to a good education. 

When I hear the above described as white privilege, I don't want to give it up.  I don't want to be treated rudely or brutally by people in power.  I don't want to give up "white privilege'; I want everyone to have the same privilege. 

Privilege becomes that only when we have unfair advantages and when our 'privilege' makes us feel entitled to abuse others.  Watching Chauvin's face as he sat on George Floyd is an example of toxic 'white privilege.' He executed a man on his own initiative as calmly as I stepped on an ant.  I have reviewed Floyd's own criminal record, which is publicly available online. The question is, is there anything he did that warranted a death sentence? 

Most white people are like me; we do not use our privilege to actively abuse someone. But we do have the opportunity to overlook the constant threat that people of color live with that colors their every minute and every interaction, probably with every human being. We can forget about it.  We are not 'guilty." The question is, what do we do or not do that allows that form of 'white privilege' to stretch to such an extent that Chauvin could believe he was doing nothing wrong. 

I recommend that whenever we approve of the abuse of people of color before we justify it, ask," What if they were white? Would I have thought that was okay?" Anyone who says, "This is different," says you can assume brown people are guilty. You can assume light-skinned people are innocent. Really?  

Dylan Roof? Suppose he had been a person of color shooting up a prayer group in a predominantly white church. Would those police officers have dealt with the situation the same way? Would he have made it to the police station alive, no less, without a bruise? Would someone have been sent out to buy him a Burger King because he was hungry?  

Wednesday, July 8th, 2020

             I slept well and was up before the alarm went off.  In June, it was light at 5:30, but now, it is not so much.  Being close to the equator, the swing between sunrise and sunset isn't as great as it is further north. There is about an hour difference in the sun's schedule between the dead of winter and summer height.  Paulette, who moved here from Detroit, misses those late sunsets. It is often still light in Detroit at 9 pm in the summer. Not here.

            Elsa and I went for our walk. I'm still walking up and down our street. While my leg is 'improving,' doing that puts a strain on my hip joint. When I came in, I meditated. Then, I went outside to do some gardening. I had a 10 a.m. appointment with my therapist. I had an interesting observation during my meditation, which I worked on in the session.

            Out of the blue, I thought of a friend who enjoys the admiration of men.  It occurred to me that she interprets that as having power. On the other hand, I see that kind of attention as an expectation I can't or don't want to fulfill.  It makes me feel powerless.  I realized that is what is going on with my work.  I want the work out there, appreciated and used, but I don't want the attention. My fear of being unable to fulfill someone's expectations is one factor that made me decide against having children. Where do I get this burden from? Let me see.  I had a father who hoped I would solve the problem of world conflict, and a mother who was afraid of everyone and expected me to protect her. I'm lucky I have any marbles left. I had only two choices: have no boundaries or keep everyone out.  My relationship with Mike worked because he wanted me to take care of myself and not satisfy his demands without regard for myself.

            I left for the DMV to file Josh's title. This was the last piece in getting the car out of my name and into his. Done! When I arrived, there was no one there. At first, I thought they were closed.  But the greeter's window was open.  I got my number and sat down, waiting to be called. I must have taken half an hour. No one's number was called.  No one came out of the office.  No, they were not at lunch.  I can't begin to imagine what they were doing.  When it was called, it took two minutes to get to speak to an agent. Then I headed home, plugged in the car, and lay down for a nap.

            I have been struggling with figuring out how to deal with the Tree man who massacred my lime tree, cutting a one-story tree down to shoulder height.  When I was dealing with the car purchase, Scott told me that he could help me if I needed him.  I called him and asked him if he would help me deal with this guy.  I figured if I called and complained, his only response would be, "Stupid bitch!"

            Fortunately, Scott came down to look at the tree before we made that call.  He told me the guy probably cut it down that far so I could pick the limes more easily, cutting it to the height of the keiki, kids. I should think of trimming the tree like a bonsai.   There is no way I can safely reach the top of the tree.  He told me to buy a pole pruner. B. said Elijah can easily do that work under my direction.  He also said he would contact a friend of his and determine the best fertilizer for a lime tree. He'll pick it up for me. 

            Judy called while Scott and I were at the bottom of the property.  When I called her back, I told her what was going on with the tree. I feel much better knowing that my wonderful lime tree isn't a lost cause.

            However, I am a gardener's worst nightmare. Nothing I plant, nothing I ask to have planted, grows well. It's absurd.  Now, that isn't quite true.  I planted some lavender in a tub, and it is doing beautifully.  Judy said she would help me distribute the fertilizer to deflect my curse.  She said she didn't know if she could do much better. I proposed that Paulette, the good gardener, be the one to put down the fertilizer, and Judy and I stand by singing hymns and shout Hallelujah! 

            Yvette came up bearing gifts: sourdough baguettes, two muffins, and a Ziploc bag with popcorn.  She had made a Costco run and was sharing the haul.

_  _   _ __ __ -__ __

Musings:

  I am reading Spiritual Bypassing by Robert Masters.  Spiritual bypassing results from using spiritual practices to avoid the negative aspects of self rather than facing them in constructive ways to heal. The goal of spiritual practice should always be to be a better person for oneself and others.

            I just read his chapter on Spiritual Gullibility and Cultism. This results from people looking for a shortcut, bypassing the problematic aspects of spiritual growth. (As I write this, I can picture people who wallow in their dark side, punishing themselves always for not being perfect- another form of spiritual bypassing.)  Masters defines a cult as any situation where beliefs cannot be challenged.  There can be a cult of one, where a person believes that their point of view cannot be contested.  Or a group with a charismatic leader who insists that their point of view is beyond question. 

            At the same time, I am reading a Very Short Introduction to Hobbes.  I knew something about his theories.  I knew he argued for strong central leadership, but I had no idea how far it went.  His theory is that human beings are impulse-driven and are incapable of making decisions that benefit the whole community. The solution is for a leader to determine what people should think and believe.  He argued for state control except in the case of religious beliefs.  He argued that religious leaders should determine what people should think or feel. Huh? Do these leaders transcend the human limitations the rest of us suffer from?

            We need to find a balance between a monolithic social structure that guarantees protection from others and thinking for ourselves. It's the argument being acted out now on a national level, if not a worldwide one. It's which group gets to be the controlling voice, defining reality for one and all.  If that voice can't be contested, it's a cult. As we all know, when a state becomes a total dictator, dissenting voices are eliminated by rather brutal means.    

Tuesday, July 7th, 2020

 Again, I woke up before 4 a.m. and had trouble falling asleep. I figured out I was cold. I put on a shirt and doubled up on my covers. I was out like a light. I have no idea why our mornings have been cold, actually cold, in July. This isn't our hottest month of the year. No, that is August, September, through mid-October. It always breaks right after Iron Man, around Yvette's birthday on October 10th. 

 I put on two sweatshirts for my morning walk. I only did 3,000 steps because my left hip was achy. It was not miserable, but it was not comfortable either. I am straighter, but that means putting more weight on that left leg. Again, we're at a juncture. 

 I called a clinic on Oahu that does stem cell transplants shortly after the pandemic started. They never got back to me.  I want to go through with that when it becomes possible. I will have to pay out of pocket, but I would much prefer that over surgery.

 I went out to check the items on the laundry line.  It had poured, really poured, the other day. The towel was dry, but the wee-wee pad I had hung up after use wasn't.

 Why do I hang out a dirty wee-wee pad? Oh, a multitude of reasons. I don't have that many.  When we first got Elsa, we had wee-wee pads. She never used them; they finally disintegrated.  As a result, it didn't seem worthwhile buying fifty pads for $45. Instead, I bought the ten-pack for $12.  The ones I bought are also biodegradable.  Neat. 

 Next, I hate to throw anything into the garbage. The county ended paper and plastic recycling because China refused our trash. Broke my heart. Then, I learned that the sun bleaches out pee, or at least human pee, out of pillows and mattresses. Here, parents just put soiled items in the sun and let it do its work.  I figured it could do the same job on the wee-wee pads. So far, that has worked fine. Only one problem: it takes forever for them to dry.

 These wee-wee pads are designed to hold liquid, and they do. Boy, do they ever. While a towel is dry after a severe soaking, the pad is still quite wet. This becomes an interesting question for me: how long will it take to dry?  I regularly check during the day to see the progress.  Today is a bright, sunny day with no threat of rain. Let's see if the sun wins or the pad does. Who wants that moisture more?

 There were only four students today for driveway yoga—four students and four dogs. One of the students informed Yvette that he had been exposed to someone who tested positive for the virus. He would be quarantined for the next two weeks. I also discovered that the server at Gertrude's tested positive for the virus and got it from her mother, who was visiting her from the mainland. Let's see if we can squelch this surge. 

 I spoke to Scott about selling the Prius.  He has been handling the sale online.  I want to be rid of it by the end of the month. I must keep it on my insurance as long as I own it. That costs a pretty penny. I told Scott to reduce the price. Then he told me he had many responses to the ad, even without the car's pictures. Wow! 

_____-_____-_____

 Musings:

 There's been talk of late of eliminating terms that remind us of racial discrimination. The terms black and white are two of them.  The terms black and white have cross-cultural significance as words describing good versus evil. The problem is that they have been misappropriated to depict skin color.

 'Whites' are not white, and 'blacks' are not black. 'Whites' are a shade of tan, and 'blacks' are a shade of brown. Even the darkest 'black' is only a very deep shade of brown.  

 These terms were imposed on the races by whites to reinforce their belief in their racial superiority. "Whites' were good, and 'blacks' were bad. It is the application of these terms that should be banned. The terms' white' and 'black' to describe racial differences should go the way of the word 'nigger.'  

 I did some cursory research on the history of white/black symbolism for good versus evil. I did find a reference to it in Homer's writings in ancient Greece. However, it strikes me that the symbolism runs deeper than that. It's the light of day versus the dark of night. A pitch-black night is more dangerous because it limits sight. You can't see your enemy. 

 Black is associated with death, not one of man's favored outcomes. We slip into darkness when we sleep.  When we faint, everything goes black.  Black has many frightening associations, having nothing to do with race.

 White and black also represent clean versus dirty.  A pure white garment without a stain represents purity.  A stain so bad that it blackens the garment is major. 

 I think eliminating the terms white and black from our use presents a huge challenge. We would have to overcome our associations with day versus night, clean versus dirty, and life versus death.  Instead, eliminate the use of these terms to describe racial differences.  We are all shades of brown.     

Monday, July 6th, 2020

             I went to bed early and was awake at 4:30, struggling to fall asleep again. I got up and 5:30 and went out for my walk with Elsa.  My left leg has been bothering me. When I get up from sitting or lying on my back, there is pinching in the hip area. It goes away after taking a few steps, and it doesn't even show up if I have been lying on my side.  Elsa wasn't up for the whole walk. 

            It was uncomfortably cold this morning.  I wondered if it was the weather or if I was getting sick.  I ran into one of my fellow morning walkers; she confirmed it was the weather.  It was cold enough that I stopped off at the house to put on a second sweatshirt.  This made for excellent weeding weather. I did more weeding in the yard area outside my bedroom door.  After I finished that, I meditated for half an hour. I must do more of this.  It helps me feel better.

            I had a 10:30 Zoom tutoring appointment. I was very frustrated with D. during the last session. Part of it was that he was working on a tablet, and I had the hard copy of the book; it was hard to help him find his place. I asked him to find the other books Mrs. B. had given him, which were on a lower reading level, but I had hard copies of them. 

            He read more words accurately today in the easier book, but he still made mistakes. 

D. is making slow progress in applying what I do teach him to do. He doesn't apply the decoding strategies I have taught him.  I have to remind him each time.  While he self-corrects more than he used to, he still slides over mistakes rendering the sentence nonsense. 

            I decided I was going to try a different strategy.  I was going to reduce the cueing when D. made a mistake. To begin with, I was going to use a sound to signal if he made an error.  I was going to use my voice only to praise him.  I had bought a dog clicker.  It wound up not being loud enough for him to hear as he read.  Instead, I banged on the side of my cup with a spoon when he made an error.  That worked better, but he still sometimes ignored the signal. It makes me think, does he ignore his internal signal when he makes an error?  Well, if that's what's going on, he's doing it less. 

            After I finished with him, it was off to the DMV to get the title for Mike's car put in my name to sign it over to Josh.  The line wasn't bad. Today I had to go inside the office.  Even that wait wasn't bad.  The whole process was easy.

            I brought a container of Clorox wipes with me to clean the counters at the DMV. We have had an increase in virus cases on the Big Island. We have jumped from zero to six.  Even scarier, one of the servers at a local bar was diagnosed with the disease. The bar was closed down. How many people did she have contact with before the closure? 

            The clerk at the DMV  was a lovely, intelligent lady. I wanted to ask her what I could do, so the courts put up a menu of possible forms and what they did so people wouldn't make the same mistake I had made.  I told her I had asked the greeter at the DMV what form I needed to get a list of accidents I had had.  She said, "Driver's abstract," without missing a beat.  I told her that was not the case. It is called a driver's history and costs only $9.00 rather than $20.00.  The Driver's Abstract provides information on traffic violations.  Maybe most people who get into accidents where they are responsible have violated some traffic ordinance.  This has not been the case with any of Mike's or my accidents.  

            As I left, I nearly ran over a woman.  It was a freak situation that I have repeatedly experienced. I didn't see her because the support beam on the car's left side window blocked her view. It was a 'freak' situation because of how often it happens.  I have had it happen several times. My way is clear; I pull out, and Yikes! There's a car, or in this case, a person, in my path.  Fortunately, I saw the other person she was walking with.  I braked to allow him to cross.  It was only then that I saw her.  He gave me a dirty look. I thought, What's his problem? I stopped. Little did I realize how close I came to doing damage. But all's well that ends well.

            On the other hand, I love the safety features on my car.  I have a backup camera.  Mike had one on his 2010 Ford, but I didn't on my 2007 Prius. The car beeps when someone's at my side, or I go out of my lane without putting on my signal.  But best of all, it brakes for me if I get too close to the car in front of me.  I love it. I need all the help I can get. 

            I went to Safeway afterward to pick up eggs, bread, and apples. I did some impulse shopping, California rolls, and an Amy's frozen food.  I like her stuff. Then I went to Costco to pick up salad and lemons.  The parking lot was jammed; almost every space was taken. I have no idea what was going on. Did people get paychecks, or was it the beginning of a new month for discounts and sales? I went home. I didn't need anything immediately. When I got home, I unpacked the car. I confess to having a slice of the in-house baked bread I bought at Safeway with some butter. 

            Paulette called when I lay down to tell me she had dropped off my face shields.  I had bought two at Ace Hardware. Judy and Paulette were painting the headbands, so they were more attractive. I had given them two; they painted one purple and one blue. 

            I didn't call the State insurance regulatory agency to complain about Progressive charging me for Adam's accident today.  It would only be two hundred dollars  I have to see if it's worth the aggravation. 

            I worked with K. on the phone today on comprehension. She's going into sixth grade and asked for help. She selected a book that was on grade level. As I always do, I start with sentence comprehension, which is the comprehension of a single sentence. 

            I have found that sentence comprehension isn't taught. You would think it is obvious, but it's not. This basic level of comprehension is skipped over. As a student said many years ago, "Oh, language is a puzzle." You'd better believe it.  

            Here's the first sentence we worked on.

            "Rachael lay in bed, reading, waiting until the last possible minute when she absolutely had to put down her book and get out of bed." The first step in sentence comprehension is answering questions about the sentence.  For example, 'Who lay in bed reading, waiting until the last possible minute when she absolutely had to put down her book and get out of bed," or "What was Rachael waiting for?" This sentence is jammed with information. I'd detail what I do, but it would be a whole chapter in my book on comprehension. It's basic sentence diagramming, identifying the relationship between the words, phrases, and clauses in the sentence by asking questions instead of making a chart.

            As with most people, it was confusing for K. at first. However, I could feel her brain changing after we had worked for fifteen minutes. For students who do not have clear-cut neurological problems, this is a quick fix. 

            I showed this to a Somali high school student many years ago whose word recognition was excellent, but comprehension was poor.  I asked detailed questions about a single sentence and told him to work on this at home.  He responded that the process took too much time. I told him to do one sentence a day, and his subconscious mind would quickly take over the process, and he would no longer have to think about it consciously. He came back to me a few weeks later and said, "Thank you."

 

   - - - - - - - - - -

  Musings:

        There was a lot of talk about defunding police. I can't imagine that anyone except for the most militant believes that the police force's guns-ablazing approach is the best.  There has been talk about redistributing the funding to other professions who would then respond to calls where mental illness or domestic situations were involved. 

The police departments currently have meter maids—or at least that's what they were called when I was young. It says a lot. The job of checking meters to ticket expired ones was delegated to 'maids,' 'women's work.' This has a lot to do with the macho image of the police department rushing into 'dangerous' situations. What we are seeing now is that if you approach a situation anticipating danger, it becomes dangerous.  

         Someone said it would be too expensive to have such a division of labor.  Well, there would be fewer police officers armed to the teeth going into 'battle.'  That's certainly true.  They would be reserved for situations that truly call for that. 

           In medicine, we have PAs, physician assistants, and trained people who don't have the training to be doctors. Why can't people be trained to deal with situations with the mentally ill? Hospitals have non-medical staff who deal with mentally ill patients all the time. They're not trained in long-term therapy like a social worker. They just respond to the immediate situation with empathy and kindness to calm an excited person.

Sunday, July 5th, 2020

             Elsa and I spent the whole evening of the fourth in the library with the doors and windows shut. She spent a fair amount of time clinging to my neck. Those firecrackers.  But she took her place on the floor peacefully before the evening was over.  She seemed to get used to the sounds.  I went to bed before midnight. There weren't too many firecrackers, probably because there were only small gatherings, and it rained.  Elsa and I didn't do our before dinner or our before bedtime walks. I found she had used the wee-wee pad. This system is working.

            I woke up a 7 am.  Because I wanted to do some gardening, I decided I wouldn't go to church but spend the morning hours ripping out weeds before it got too hot. It took a while for me to get myself out there. My reluctance is based on how difficult it is for me to get down on my knees and then back up again. I managed and got a fair amount done. I was pretty pleased with myself.  I have been looking at those weeds in the backyard out of my bedroom door, or should I say they have been accusing me.  I didn't get them all, but I did pull up all the knee-high grass. 

            While I weeded, I listened to a TED talk by Michael Merzenich on brain plasticity. I was particularly interested in his comments about a program that actually altered the brains of the learning disabled.  Since he is a neuroscientist, I assumed his remarks are made as a result of fMRI results. He referred to a program that took 30 hours that did that job.  I suspected it might be Fast Forward. When I checked it out on the Internet, sure enough, that's what it was.  I got badly upset.  The audio file I produced has a similar effect. Of course, I have no scientific evidence, but my audio file is free. Fast Forward costs $1100 for a computer program for thirty hours of exercises and $3500 for work with a tutor.  No program can guarantee success for everyone. I have had a lot of success with my audio file. 

            While I don't have scientific evidence, I do have anecdotal evidence. I had one case with a seven-year-old whose speech was unintelligible to his older brother and sister.  I got his older brother to play the audio file for him while he slept. No, I didn't note how many times. I would say at least fourteen. The older brother told me he noticed his younger brother understood what was said to him more, and his speech became more intelligible.  Shortly, his speech became normal. 

            I started working with him on reading. He was still at a low kindergarten level in the middle of first grade. I applied my method of teaching reading, and he rapidly progressed.  Because my focus is on teaching and not proving anything, I never make notes. However, my audio file is free, and I have never had it do any damage, not even to someone's pocketbook.  Why not try it? You may like it. 

            Since the seven-year-old and the older brother shared a room, I thought to ask the older brother if he experienced any differences. The older brother was getting As and Bs in high school. At first, he said no. But I had seen something in his eyes, less fear. That made me ask him, "Do you understand what you're teachers are saying better?" Surprise came to his eyes, "Yes." Making this ninety-minute audio file improved my listening skills as well as my speech, and my reading speed increased. I was fifty-four when I first made a copy. I had completed my master's with straight As. Oh, yes.  I had a 760 out of 800 on the verbal section of the GRE.  This audio file will impact anyone. It may make a great difference for those with auditory processing problems that interfere with their reading.

            I don't listen to the audio file now, but I use the work's approach with students when teaching reading.  I don't know if it continues to develop my processing skills. Perhaps it delays their decline. I am almost eighty now. 

            Since January, I have been trying to get my grandson to help me get the audio files on YouTube. There was one problem after another with his schedule and formatting the file to work on YouTube. We had put it on bandcamp.com, but something went wrong, and it only played one track at a time instead of all the tracks for a single story in one sitting. Maddening. That's why I wound up looking for other sites to post it on. 

            After listening to the TED talk this morning, I was angry to the point of tears that that audio file wasn't out there.  I think it can help people. I'm not looking for people to contact me, but I do know what impact this audio file can have. That I can't get someone to help me is driving me nuts. 

            I called Adam the other day to ask for Brian's number. Brian works for a computer company. I hoped he could help me find someone I could pay.  My sixteen-year-old grandson is not committed to the task.  Judy called to say that Brian was busy, Adam would call me. Not really. My frustration level was over the top. I was ready to cry. I called Judy to vent. She said Adam thought Brian was too busy to help me.  All I needed was a recommendation; I needed to know what kind of help I was looking for.  

            I finally thought to ask August. He got back to me and let me know that there is an online clearinghouse for people who do all sorts of computer work piecemeal, fiverr. They do small jobs, which is what this is.  Judy said she would get Brian's number from Adam when she went down to his house to pick up Luke after getting home from church. Adam and Jazzy are expecting guests. It's his brother and his family.

Given that Jazzy just had a baby a few days ago, I suspect they will be more helpful than a hindrance once they arrive.  Judy said Adam can help me. I am concerned about relying on him because he has so much on his plate already.  Judy said this coming week was out because of the guests. We'll see.  I have to get this out on as many sites as I can. No, this audio file can't help everyone, but it can help many people, children, and adults. If it changed my brain, it could help improve people who are functioning at grade level or above. 

            I did some more vacuuming and worked on the updates and reading the NY Times.  I read about Pomodoro, a time management technique.  I had tried something like that because it is too easy to get involved in monotonous activities with the shutdown.   I couldn't stick to it.  I will try again.

            Because it was pouring most of the day, I didn't get around to trimming Elsa.  It was clear enough in the late afternoon to do the job out in the yard.  She wound up with a very uneven cut.  This is because Elsa clings to me like saran wrap while I'm working on her. I can't see what I'm doing. It's good enough. The bald spots grow in fast enough.

Saturday, July 4th, 2020

            Got up at 5:30 without my alarm.  Who needs one at this time of the year? The birds make such a racket; we’re lucky we can sleep through it. Not. I sleep just fine if I’m tired. I can sleep through my alarm clock. The bird noises are a delight.

            Elsa and I headed out.  She pulled back.  I pointed out that I was the larger of the two of us and made the decisions.  She came along.  I only completed 2,500 steps before I went in. My leg was bothering me.  I sat down to meditate after laying out my mat for the morning’s driveway yoga.  I knew I would hear people when they arrived and join them.  Yvette called my name. She said no one had come today; did I want to do yoga with her? I told her to take the day off.  I guess no one wanted to come because it was the holiday. 

            Damon set up a Zoom meeting with his mom, me, and himself.  We started this on Father’s Day, three people, all highly invested in Mike, two wives, and one son.  It’s a new format, and it’s a little bumpy.  I enjoy speaking to them independently more.  However, I get to see their faces. Damon sits under a pergola at the side of his pool.  His skin looks great, glowing, luminous. It’s a great background, greens, flowing fabric draping down from the pergola.  

            I went to do a light vacuuming of the kitchen.  I had walked on it barefoot after I allowed ice cubes to melt to fall on the floor and get it dirty again.  My Bissell is great. It allows me to wash the floor with minimal effort.

            I called Progressive to check my premiums over time: January 2018, January 2019, and July 2019.  I have not been able to get information from Progressive as to why my premiums have been so high.  They claimed Mike’s accident in November 2018, Adam’s accident in February in 2019, and mine in November in 2019.  I wanted the three dates because Mike’s penalty should have been dropped in April of 2019. Our premiums should have fallen to the original price until November of 2019, when Shivani and I volunteered information about my accident, not realizing that the insurance company would have been recorded as an accident even if I never made a claim.  Every time I asked someone at Progressive why things are the way they are, I get a different answer. Today I was told that Adam’s accident would have counted against him even if he wasn’t responsible – no fault.  This would mean that if my car is parked in a shopping parking lot, sitting empty while I was in the store, and it was hit, and the other driver took responsibility, it would still count against me on my insurance. Yikes!

            I called Geico to get confirmation.  I spoke to someone in the claims department. He told me that he didn’t know, but he would connect me to service. Did you get this? Unlike progressive, Geico referred me to an expert rather than giving me a bullshit answer. Then it came out there is a state board that oversees the insurance companies.  If I have a complaint, I can have them look into it. The fellow in service gave me the name of the department in Hawaii and the telephone number. The difference between Geico and Progressive is legion. 

            I took another nap. When I got up, I gave poor Elsa a bath. She is poor Elsa because I gave her a bath.  She hates them.  Afterward, I washed the bathroom floor. Dinner was in the library with the tv on. It’s July 4th- firecrackers. This is not Elsa’s favorite day of the year. We closeted ourselves in that room, closed the door and all the windows, and hid out. When the noise is bad, Elsa jumps in my arms and clings to me rather more like a monkey than a dog. She grips me with her arms.  

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Musings:

            What constitutes a learning disability?  I have written that it mostly means “no one knows how to fix it,” except by offering compensatory strategies.   Since I have been giving the matter more thought.  If a person is described as learning disabled or disabled in general, they do have a limitation. However, that limitation is only about a societal standard.

            When we roamed the savanna, no one would be considered learning disabled because they couldn’t read. It wasn’t a skill anyone was expected to have. I suspect that expectation is a relatively recent convention. 

            My husband couldn’t carry a tune. It was not considered a disability. If our culture found singing well a social requirement, it would have been.

            While cultural expectations are one of the parameters for considering something a learning disabled, the other is the availability of services to remedy or minimalize the lack.  I need to wear glasses for all activities.  Before glasses were developed and perfected, I would be considered disabled.  I wouldn’t have been able to see well enough to perform many tasks.  I don’t think anyone considers vision impairment a problem up to a certain point. The certain point is our inability to correct the vision.  If we can’t correct it,  then it becomes a disability.

            I just learned that people with cleft palates were once considered mentally impaired. That was the case until someone discovered a tube filled with fluid. That fluid distorted their speech sounds.  Once a doctor figured out that when the liquid was drained, they no longer had problems learning speech and reading.  People with cleft palates were never cognitively impaired.  

            There are two factors: 1) societal expectations and 2) our ability to help those with ‘learning disabilities’ overcome them, determining whether or not we consider someone to have a learning disability.  There is no absolute measure.