Saturday, May 11, 2024

Saturday, May 11, 2024  

Boy, I had a terrible night’s sleep. I worried about regrets, eczema, and the possible consequences of the scam.  

    It was a gorgeous ocean view through an unscreened regular-sized double-hung wood window in the back of a small shop in the Kona Inn Shopping Village that seduced me into talking to the saleswoman.  This mall must be the original shopping strip in Kona. Perhaps it once had shops that served the residents. Now, it is a tourist trap.  I got lured into a shop selling skin care.

   There was that incredible view, and then there was this long white tube-like object. What was it for? Two of my weaknesses were framed views and unknowns to be investigated. Paulette had walked away and reappeared as I talked to the saleslady. We both sat down for demonstrations.  

 The saleswoman applied something to the bags under one of each of our eyes. Wow!  Then she used an exfoliant on my right inner forearm.  Wow again!! We both dropped $300 for 5 products supposedly costing several thousand dollars.  We got this great deal because of the wonderful people we were. Right!  Both of us knew it was hustle, but it felt good.   I added up the ‘full’ cost of the Truffoire products we got: $3,056 worth for $300. Sounds good, no?  I found a critic of the company. The products are considered good, but the prices . . . .!! Oy vey!

   We were promised a free facial as a bonus. We continued our walk through the ‘village.’  The colleague of the woman who sold us the $300 worth of products greeted us as we passed the door to the second shop. He told us he was looking forward to our facial appointments next Monday. Paulette was getting just a facial. I was getting a full body red light treatment along with the facial.  

    Paulette and I were in the same room when we went for our facials. I started in this space-age container with a sauna/red light treatment, which I hoped would help me heal from the surgeries.

   Giovani gave us facials and a song-and-dance about the products. He told me I had eczema.  He said it was inherited. That made sense. My uncle had psoriasis. In my twenties, I developed a type of acne that was supposed to be a variant of psoriasis. In other words, psoriasis and my current skin condition had the same cause. Because I had this acne variant, I wouldn’t get the psoriasis. Sounded like a good deal to me. Now, I had an explanation for my peeling skin. Every time I shower, I scrap my arms and legs with industrial plastic steel wool to make the skin smooth. I never had this problem before.  I was glad to get an explanation for all that dead skin.  I thought it might be connected to old age.

   That diagnosis won me over.  The product was good, and this expert gave me new information about my skin. I bought the two-year supply of five products. He threw a blue light/red light thingies to treat skin, one for Paulette and one for me; the Space Touch Jupiter gadget is listed online for a mere $7,200.  It didn’t look like it was worth that much. Who gives away an object costing that much for free?  I looked it up when I got home; another brand sold in the two hundred dollar range. That sounded more like it.  I’m not going to tell you how much I paid. It was less than any of the prices I’ve quoted so far.  I’ve had to forgive myself for indulging. 

   On my way home, I stopped at the vet to exchange Daisy’s deworming pills for Elsa’s ear medication. I didn’t have to wait too long. The receptionist was new and very young. I didn’t give her too much grief for putting me out of my way.

    When I got home from the vet, I was still in that lousy state of mind from the night before. Whatever triggered that bad mood,  two CBD pills and a meditation session fixed the problem.  I had one of those amazing sleeps that happen when you’re meditating. I woke up two hours later in a much-improved mood.        

    I’ve fallen into a podcast rabbit hole. The more I watch, the more I find. Some of them are interesting, and some resonate with me emotionally.  I came across one with Dr. Lindsay Gibson talking about the impact of the immature parent. This resonated with me six ways from Sunday in my relationship with my parents and myself. I much prefer talking about my mother’s arrested development than categorizing her as a narcissist or a sociopathic or, as some of my therapists wanted to categorize her, as just plain evil.  Judging her that way made me rise up to defend her. The sessions were occupied with doing that, and the therapist arguing my doing so was a sign of how sick I was. Many therapists just plain suck. But I learned something from each one.  Maybe I just had dumb luck. Perhaps I managed to find those who were just like my mother.  Much of their behavior resembled hers- just without her constant state of panic and her deep commitment to and love for me. I find comfort in talking about immature people suffering from arrested development.  I have been following the trauma-caused theme for a while, but this is new.  As I view many people I know, including myself, through this lens, I find it downright comforting. If it’s immaturity, there’s a solution. We can grow up. Toward the end of her life, my mom said, “The only thing I regret is that Daddy never got to see me grow up.”  He had died a good thirty years before. I doubt she would have grown up if he had lived. The second question is, would he have liked the grown-up version, or was he attracted to the child? 

   I must repeat, I do love this perspective.  It is so much more forgiving.  That doesn’t mean I’m interested in subjecting myself to someone whose immaturity manifests as personal hostility.

   My friend Jean, whose daughter died recently, leaving two young children behind, hosted a commemoration on Saturday for friends of Kelly’s who couldn’t attend services in Hawaii. I remember a number like seventy people showed up. While the event was satisfying as it showed how valued her daughter was, she is suffering now. This was the last event related to her daughter. Celebrations of her life are over. Now, real life begins without her.  

   Fortunately, we’re usually too busy with activity right after someone dies to have time to register the loss. That gives us a little time to discover that life goes on. Then, the noise stops, and the silence begins.  Oh, boy!  That’s the not-fun part.  There’s nowhere to go but straight through it.

   I watched The Judge on Netflix with Robert Downey Jr., Robert Duvall,  and Vincent D’Onofrio. What a cast!! What a treat!

  

Friday, May 10, 2024

 Friday, May 10, 2024

 I decided to use the dishwasher to rinse the dishes from last night's dinner celebration for Gayle's 80th birthday. I cleaned the dishes with soap and put them in the dishwasher to rinse. It's a good idea to run the dishwasher periodically so the seals don't dry out, and I hadn't done that in a while. 

   I noticed some water next to the counter. Hmm! I must have spilled some when I was washing the dishes. Then I got a call from Yvette; water leaked through her ceiling. She thought it was because I was washing the floor. No, it was the dishwasher leaking. I turned it off and drained it. This mess was going to be much worse than when I poured too much water on the floor before vacuuming it.  This leak would soak the whole length of the ceiling between the dishwasher and the point where it broke through her ceiling.

   I was surprised when water leaked through the ceiling when I washed the tiled floor. Wasn't it waterproof?  I learned that while the water couldn't penetrate the tiles, it did through the space between them. The grout was not waterproof.

   Dealing with the leak delayed my departure for the hula class, but I made it before the class started. It would have been okay either way.  While the Hawaiian Pa'u Hula skirt had arrived in the mail, I wasn't up for trying it on.  It was still sitting in the package it arrived in.  I would rather wear something less dramatic.  I brought a shawl to wrap around my hips. The one I grabbed was a solid magenta.  Those women wearing shawls wore ones with a Hawaiian pattern. I planned to buy a patterned one at Costco on my next visit. 

   The  kumu, teacher, introduced a new dance that was easy to follow.  The setting is part of the joy of the class. The side of the building facing the ocean is open, and you feel the breeze and hear the waves the whole time. Of course, it also makes It more difficult to hear the teacher.

   I went home directly after the class to eat and nap, forgetting the text from the vet telling me Elsa's ear medication was available.  I remembered a while later and jumped in the car without checking the time. I arrived at 12:30.  Their office is closed from 12 to 1 for lunch.  I pushed back the seat of the car and meditated till 1.

   I took Elsa with me, expecting her to enjoy the ride. She loves to ride in the car.  However, She knew we were at the vet and sat in my lap shaking the whole time. I won't take her next time. I picked up the meds. I had a credit. I only had to pay $4. 

   Just as I pulled into the driveway, the sky opened, and it poured, one of those downpours that leaves you soaked in a minute.  And then it poured harder.  After ten minutes, it let up enough to run for the side door. 

  When I opened the bag, I was surprised to find a container of pills.  Last time, the vet prescribed ear drops.   I checked the instructions. "2.5 pills once a day for deworming.." uh? The pills were for Daisy, not Elsa. The receptionist had given me the wrong meds. I called to tell her partially because I was pissed she had done that and partially to let her know she had to prep another order for Daisy for her worms.

  I got a call from Giovanni from the skincare shop.  He got the results back from the lab; my eczema was severe, and it was going to get worse. He wanted to 'give me' a whole body redlight/sauna unit for my personal care. He got the results from the Mayo Clinic. Hmmm!  I said an immediate no, not because he sounded bogus but because I didn't want a large object like that in my house. I knew already I'd never use it. I told him I would check with my doctor.

   I called Mama K to confirm a Saturday morning appointment session with the Twins. She told me they were participating in a paddling race on the island's west side. They had to leave at 4:30 in the morning; I guess that session was out. They couldn't do it now because they had no electricity. Hilo was hit by a bad storm. Mama K called me back fifteen minutes later to say it was back on, and the girls were good to go.

   I worked with Twin A first. I hadn't seen her in over a week.  Every time I scheduled a session, she was asleep, or was she 'asleep.'  It could have been real. Those girls get up super early and come home exhausted from school.  I asked Twin A outright if she was faking.  I was stonewalled.  The girl's older brother ratted on her to their mom.

   Twin A had a rough start reading a passage on a low third-grade level. Her comprehension was surprisingly good. The only hitch was holding a sound in her head when she had to blend it. She had trouble identifying the I  in mile as a long /i/. Then, she had trouble holding the sound when she blended /i/ with /l/. She kept converting the long /i/ sound to an /aw/. She couldn't control it. I lectured her on brain plasticity; if she wanted to get better, she had to battle with her brain. If she did that, she could master any skill. Each time she made an effort, her brain would change. When she made that effort often enough, she would never have to do it again. It would come easily.  Twin A read the following two passages smoothly and articulately described the basic idea of the passage, including all the relevant information and no more.  Impressive.

   Twin E's work for today was even more impressive.  She zoomed through the sight words on list 176 through 200.  I opened up the following list: 201-225.  She recognized many words on that list as on list 226-250.  As I hoped, if we worked on the skill of memorizing, she would remember words she had seen in other contexts.  This was very good news.

Thursday, May 9, 2024

Thursday, May 9, 2024  

   I had a long talk with twenty-six year old's mom the other day. When I texted to say I was ready for my appointment with S, her mom texted me to say S would be right there. I have often asked S if she was still sleeping at 9 or 10 in the morning. She always says no; she was up long ago, which would make sense since she has a three-year-old child.  I have been frustrated with her mom for treating her like a helpless child.  She needed to be weaned from her dependency.  I advised harsh responses. Now, I regret my words. S, her sister, and their children could wind up homeless.  The mom told me she had rescued her older daughter and her grandchild from homelessness. The older daughter has a car and mobility and spends her days at the beach with friends.  Growing up is not an option, but she won't get a job.

   I didn't have S today because she had a dental appointment.

   I had a Zoom meeting with the 80s club.  It's a small group of people from all over the world who meet to chat about issues affecting people over eighty.  One man had brain surgery earlier this month. He didn't have cancer, but he had a problem with the outer lining of his brain. It was swollen.  I told him I felt I was recovering from eight hours under anesthesia in June.  It would take time.  He thanked me for that information.

    The topics revolved around interesting things we were doing with our lives. It was a chatty meeting, not much more, and  I didn't find it particularly gratifying. 

     I had Ulu Wini in the afternoon. I left before 1:30 to stop off at the Civic Center to get my kapuna (senior) card. I was officially grouped with people in my age bracket. This was the first time I felt old and somewhat discarded. I prefer a social environment where all people of all ages are equals. It took more time than I expected to get the card.

    The youngest friend I have had since I moved to Hawaii is Isaac; he is 22, young enough to be my great-grandson. It was somewhat weird, mostly because our personalities were an odd mixture of very much alike and very different in ways that made us both compatible and uncomfortable. Most of my friends are no more than twenty years my junior, and some are older. 

   Because the stop at the Civic Center took longer than expected, I arrived late at Ulu Wini. The objective is to get there before the school bus so I don't have to wait until the bus is completely unloaded before pulling into the parking lot.  

     First-grade JY came right up to me.  She wanted to continue working on memorizing the 1-50 sight word list.  She got 100% on the first 25 words last time, which was already an improvement.  I asked her if I had done something to help. She said yes.  I should be used to this. I've been in the business for over sixty years and always see improvements like this.  Today, she did better with words 26-50 list, too. 

    Fifth-grade RM came next. I noticed she might need some help decoding multisyllabic words. I set out to teach her my six-step procedure.  She did well decoding long words without my instruction. She said her teacher had told her to use the vowels to determine the syllables.  She reported improvement in comprehension when using visualizations.  We read another passage from Barnell-Loft's fifth-grade book.  She needed help with vocabulary words: pests, crops, and hordes.  She needed help understanding the referent of a pronoun. I need to work more on that with her.  Next time I meet with her, I will do a color-coding activity, using a single color for each noun and all alternative references to that noun, either pronouns or other words that describe that object.

   First-grade KJ came to work with me. I hadn't seen her for a while. She didn't need my help. She is working above grade level now and loving every minute of it.

   I had to leave at 3:30 because I had a same-day appointment with Dr. Reed at 4 p.m.  I wanted to check two issues. I wanted her opinion on ketamine for me, and I wanted her to check me for eczema.   Judy sent me two videos on ketamine. She said it is supposed to be good for PTSD.  It's unclear what my problem is these days. It doesn't look like depression, which ketamine is supposed to help.  I'm active and can enjoy things.  My tendency to fall into rumination is as old as I am, as are the negative feelings it brings up. The worst are the feelings of acute loneliness, both familiar and new. I don't know if anyone escapes this pattern without considerable effort. I'm making this effort now.  To deal with the feelings when they come up, with or without rumination. 

   On that note, tonight, we celebrated Gayle's 80th birthday. It was a delight. We had it in my house. Lutz prepared pita sandwiches, and I provided a large slice of chocolate cake. The baker at Safeway wrote Happy Birthday Gail on it. We only discovered afterward that she spelled her name Gayle. Oh, well. I hope the number of candles (80) made up for the faux pas.

    I loved having this crew. It was so healing. Gayle was the first to comment on how well we all got along. Then Lutz said we were all independent, and there were no sociopaths among us. I said no one tried to dominate. It was Darby who commented on how well we worked together putting on this event. The suggestions just flowed, and we all flowed with them. It was easy.  

   Lutz and Darby have more than passed my friendship test: Can we say what we like and don't like to each other and reconcile?  The answer is yes. I suspect I can do it with Gayle, too, because she has told Lutz to stop talking when he speaks about a somewhat cruel practical he pulled on someone.  None of us like that in Lutz. He thinks he's funny. My mom had this trait. Is it just a German thing? It's a bit sadistic.

Thursday, May 9, 2024  

   I had a long talk with twenty-six year old's mom the other day. When I texted to say I was ready for my appointment with S, her mom texted me to say S would be right there. I have often asked S if she was still sleeping at 9 or 10 in the morning. She always says no; she was up long ago, which would make sense since she has a three-year-old child.  I have been frustrated with her mom for treating her like a helpless child.  She needed to be weaned from her dependency.  I advised harsh responses. Now, I regret my words. S, her sister, and their children could wind up homeless.  The mom told me she had rescued her older daughter and her grandchild from homelessness. The older daughter has a car and mobility and spends her days at the beach with friends.  Growing up is not an option, but she won't get a job.

   I didn't have S today because she had a dental appointment.

   I had a Zoom meeting with the 80s club.  It's a small group of people from all over the world who meet to chat about issues affecting people over eighty.  One man had brain surgery earlier this month. He didn't have cancer, but he had a problem with the outer lining of his brain. It was swollen.  I told him I felt I was recovering from eight hours under anesthesia in June.  It would take time.  He thanked me for that information.

    The topics revolved around interesting things we were doing with our lives. It was a chatty meeting, not much more, and  I didn't find it particularly gratifying. 

     I had Ulu Wini in the afternoon. I left before 1:30 to stop off at the Civic Center to get my kapuna (senior) card. I was officially grouped with people in my age bracket. This was the first time I felt old and somewhat discarded. I prefer a social environment where all people of all ages are equals. It took more time than I expected to get the card.

    The youngest friend I have had since I moved to Hawaii is Isaac; he is 22, young enough to be my great-grandson. It was somewhat weird, mostly because our personalities were an odd mixture of very much alike and very different in ways that made us both compatible and uncomfortable. Most of my friends are no more than twenty years my junior, and some are older. 

   Because the stop at the Civic Center took longer than expected, I arrived late at Ulu Wini. The objective is to get there before the school bus so I don't have to wait until the bus is completely unloaded before pulling into the parking lot.  

     First-grade JY came right up to me.  She wanted to continue working on memorizing the 1-50 sight word list.  She got 100% on the first 25 words last time, which was already an improvement.  I asked her if I had done something to help. She said yes.  I should be used to this. I've been in the business for over sixty years and always see improvements like this.  Today, she did better with words 26-50 list, too. 

    Fifth-grade RM came next. I noticed she might need some help decoding multisyllabic words. I set out to teach her my six-step procedure.  She did well decoding long words without my instruction. She said her teacher had told her to use the vowels to determine the syllables.  She reported improvement in comprehension when using visualizations.  We read another passage from Barnell-Loft's fifth-grade book.  She needed help with vocabulary words: pests, crops, and hordes.  She needed help understanding the referent of a pronoun. I need to work more on that with her.  Next time I meet with her, I will do a color-coding activity, using a single color for each noun and all alternative references to that noun, either pronouns or other words that describe that object.

   First-grade KJ came to work with me. I hadn't seen her for a while. She didn't need my help. She is working above grade level now and loving every minute of it.

   I had to leave at 3:30 because I had a same-day appointment with Dr. Reed at 4 p.m.  I wanted to check two issues. I wanted her opinion on ketamine for me, and I wanted her to check me for eczema.   Judy sent me two videos on ketamine. She said it is supposed to be good for PTSD.  It's unclear what my problem is these days. It doesn't look like depression, which ketamine is supposed to help.  I'm active and can enjoy things.  My tendency to fall into rumination is as old as I am, as are the negative feelings it brings up. The worst are the feelings of acute loneliness, both familiar and new. I don't know if anyone escapes this pattern without considerable effort. I'm making this effort now.  To deal with the feelings when they come up, with or without rumination. 

   On that note, tonight, we celebrated Gayle's 80th birthday. It was a delight. We had it in my house. Lutz prepared pita sandwiches, and I provided a large slice of chocolate cake. The baker at Safeway wrote Happy Birthday Gail on it. We only discovered afterward that she spelled her name Gayle. Oh, well. I hope the number of candles (80) made up for the faux pas.

    I loved having this crew. It was so healing. Gayle was the first to comment on how well we all got along. Then Lutz said we were all independent, and there were no sociopaths among us. I said no one tried to dominate. It was Darby who commented on how well we worked together putting on this event. The suggestions just flowed, and we all flowed with them. It was easy.  

   Lutz and Darby have more than passed my friendship test: Can we say what we like and don't like to each other and reconcile?  The answer is yes. I suspect I can do it with Gayle, too, because she has told Lutz to stop talking when he speaks about a somewhat cruel practical he pulled on someone.  None of us like that in Lutz. He thinks he's funny. My mom had this trait. Is it just a German thing? It's a bit sadistic. 

Wednesday, May 8, 2024

 Wednesday, May 8, 2024

   I went to Atlas today to drop off the recyclables I can get money for, glass soda and coffee bottles.  Yvette brought up the glass bottles, and I had several garbage bags full of soda cans. I had $16 worth of stuff.  I donated it to some homeless person.  I collected  tin cans and other glass containers. I don’t know what I was thinking of. Atlas didn’t take either of them, even for general recycling. I brought the glass ware to the transfer station recycling center and the tin cans to the garbage drop off.  There wasn’t a line for either one.  I was in and out in no time.

    I stopped at Target to look for balloons and a birthday cake. They had neither.  I had to ask someone where I could find those items. Safeway.    As I entered the store, I ran into a woman I knew from when I tutored at the local elementary school and from church. I had a bad experience with her at the school. I approached a young teacher and volunteered to tutor her kids. She brought in this woman to talk to me.  The woman offered me a job as a tutor.  I didn’t want to be tied down time-wise, so Mike and I could travel to the mainland when we liked. She also wanted me to use their teaching method.   I refused the job. She said I could volunteer and be free, but I had to use the school’s method of teaching reading.  I said, “Why would I do for free what I’m not willing to do for pay.”  I need to follow my own instincts.  I am very good at discerning the student’s real need and addressing it. Insisting I use someone else’s protocol would be torture. No thanks.

   Besides what this woman did to me, she did something even worse to the teacher who finally allowed me to work with her students. Adriene had two profoundly disturbed children in her class. This woman came to observe and told her she needed to reorganize her class. She shouldn’t isolate those two boys.  Adriene thought one would grow up to be a serial killer. There’s a good chance she’s right. That boy was removed from Adriene’s class and  given a male aide who monitored him every minute. The teacher who took him in made it clear she would tolerate no disruption to her class.  The boy had to be kept under control.  The second boy was also assigned an aide who could only focus on him and nothing else.   I was furious about the trip she laid on Adriene, suggesting she had problems because of some inadequacy on her part.  

   Here, I found that arrogant woman in Safeway picking flowers for herself for Mother’s Day.   She was with her husband.  She looked somewhat discombobulated. She introduced me to her husband. I believe she said he was a doctor.  It reveled in her insecurity.  I’m not usually that vengeful. But boy, I don’t like rigid people.

   Safeway had a wide selection of balloons in various sizes.  My original plan was to buy a helium balloon on a string and tie it around Gayle’s waste while we did our evening walk. The tie on one was ten dollars.  I bought a medium-sized one on a stick. 

   I headed over to the bakery next.  An employee was stacking fresh baked goods on the tables.  I asked her about a small birthday cake. She showed me the selection. 16 dollars.  No. Also, more than the four of us, Gayle, Lutz, Darby, and I, would eat.  I told her I just wanted a good sized slice of cake. She showed me where that display was.  I chose a large piece of chocolate cake. The employee wound up being the baker. She said she would write Happy Birthday Gail on the cake.  (I only found out afterward how she spelled her name.) While she was inscribing the cake, I looked at candles.  The slice was way too small for 80 candles.  I picked out an  8 and a 0.  It would do the job just fine.

   Darby came to pick me up for our evening walk. We hooked up with Lutz and Gayle when we encountered them coming up Kukuna. I had forgotten to grab the balloon on a stick when I left the house. When we passed the house, I ran in to get it. I stuck it down the back of her shirt. It didn’t sit right. She told me to stick it in her bra. Perfect. I took pictures of her with the crown on the balloon showing over the top of her head. 

   We three girls went to my house immediately. Lutz ran home to get the food he’d prepared. Fixings on a flatbread and salad.  We were a wonderful group. Gayle commented on how the foursome had gelled. We all got along with each other. While I have a good relationship with each person individually, something magical happens when the four of us are together. Lutz commented we were all independent and there are no narcissists.  I commented no one had to dominate. The way the plans for the party evolved was heaven for me.  We co-created the event, giving suggestions and rejecting others.  During dinner, I sat quietly so I could enjoy the way I felt in their company. It was a balm for my loneliness.  The evening erased the pain I had been suffering all day.

   Loneliness is an agony. I recognize this pain as something I started experiencing before my sister was born. I remember hoping her birth would be a fix to what was missing.  I had visions of working with my mother and caring for the baby. My parents made it clear the first day I was to have nothing to do with my sister. Her arrival didn’t make things worse, but it did clarify there was no solution. Pictures of me a year later show this sad face. My mother had everyone in their corner doing as little as possible. She needed total control. She couldn’t handle any spontaneity except her own.  

  She also couldn’t handle connection and affection. I heard a podcast on immature parents.  This is a wonderful description of my mother. My sister and I both saw her that way.  She was around 8 months old when I was born and a year and a half when she was born.  My mom kept a good house, cared for us, and loved us passionately. She just couldn’t attune to up and couldn’t tolerate shows of affection.  That latter was particularly frustrating since she was a radiantly joyful woman capable of love, just not for another human being. As far as I can make out, she actually thought something was wrong with showing another person love, not just for herself but for them as well. She ‘protected ‘ us from her intense love for us. It was a sacrifice. Who knows, maybe she was right, given she was off balance to start out with. 

Tuesday, May 7, 2024

 Tuesday, May 7, 2024

    Twenty-six-year-old S was in a bad state of mind again. She reverted to her old strategies of wild guessing based on a few letters.  She read Quick for  Vick, which is an improvement over reading very for Vic; she checked the syllable pattern.  Today, she struggled with the short /e/ vowel sound. When she went to blend it with /l/, she slipped into the long /e/.

   I had nerve testing on my left arm.  My left elbow and pinky fingers are still numb from the elbow reconstruction I had after my fall in June when I  shattered my elbow. Dr. Wong Yi Cheng no! Cheng Wong Yi-! (Her parents had her keep the Chinese way of saying the last name first.) Dr. Cheng stuck needles into me and administered small shocks to determine what nerve paths were blocked. Answer: none.  She showed me the scar, running from the back of my upper arm through the elbow down to the midline of the lower arm. Dr. Cheng praised the stitching. It is truly amazing. The scar was barely visible from the day I left the hospital.  I had never clearly seen the scar from the elbow operation before. Dr. Cheng ran her finger along to highlight it. The doctor said all the nerves along that scar line had been cut.  While nothing was blocking the nerves, they were dysfunctional because of the impact of the incision. It would take years for the nerves to regrow if they ever did. 

    It was a Ulu Wini day.  First-grade JA came to the table for help the moment I sat down. We worked on the 1-25 sight words from the Fry list last time.  Then, she struggled; this time, she got 100% and was ready to work on the next twenty-five words.  She did well on many, only missing, use, by, were, and each.  While it wasn't 100%, it significantly improved over what she did before. She reported improvement in her reading. 

   Fifth-grade RM came over next. We continued working on visualizing the story as it unfolded. She said it had made an immediate difference. I always wonder how much improvement there is in a school objective standard. Any improvement is important. If I've done it right, the students will continue to improve independently.

   Second-grade MV was there. I had to call her over. She was not hostile to working with me but felt too bad about her skill level to initiate a session.  She was still uncertain about identifying the numerals by place value. I discovered today she couldn't count by fives; neither could another child. I was shocked. Is there a problem with pattern recognition among these Marshallese children?  They don't consider patterns. That makes learning by any process other than rote hard. It could be a cultural pattern. There was nothing unfamiliar in their environments.  They knew the foundation of everything they would ever have to learn by age five.   Not anymore. It's not their fault they had to leave their homeland and move to Hawaii.  The USA used the Marshall Islands for bomb testing and made them uninhabitable.

    I finally had second-grade TC. She worked on reading Reading Roots 14. She's still below where she should be. I showed her the VC pattern in three-letter words. She copied every word in the text that conformed to this pattern. She's capable of being a good student because she saw the pattern and explored it. She will be fine.

Monday, May 6, 2024

 Monday, May 6, 2024  

   If I'm early enough, I sometimes run into Tom on my morning walks.  As he turned right onto Kukuna from Holoholo, he stooped and swooped up Tripper. Tripper is a cat who winds himself between walkers' legs, tripping them.  Tom didn't name him. Someone else did; we all call the cat Tripper now. Tom's routine is to pick Tripper up and deposit him a bit further down the road with a handful of food to keep him occupied while Tom gets away. He never bothers me because I walk with Elsa.

   On my way to Chi Qigong this morning, I stopped at Target not just to make a quick trip to the bathroom before the session but also to buy a box of Q-tips that I couldn't get at Costco the day before. I almost walked out empty-handed again. 

   I asked a clerk where I could find it. "On the headers in the cosmetic section." I couldn't find it. "Oh, yes. They moved it. It's in the section beyond the barriers." They were doing some work.  I checked the headers there. Nothing. I asked again.  Someone pointed directly at them. Ah, success! I was beginning to think Q-Tips were not in my future.

   I found both roads leading from Target to Old A closed, where the Chi Qigong class was held. There were workmen on one of the blocked roads. I asked, "How am I supposed to get to Old A?"  "Go by the other roadway."  "It's blocked."  He promised to tell the workmen to open it.  I drove back over to the Makala.  The workman I spoke to was there removing the "Road Closed" sign.  There was no work going on that road. 

    The Chi Qigong participants had started the first exercise, so it was easy to join in. Today's class was very short because Richard wasn't there to start his Hula dance warm-up exercises. When the class was over, I asked Clyde if we could do more exercises. I want an extended class.

    I sat on a bench overlooking the bay for a while, enjoying the view before I went home to catch a quick nap. Then, I had a tutoring session with twenty-six-year-old S.  She read Reading Roots 27. She looked down and distant. I wasn't expecting her to do well. She didn't when she started reading. I stopped her. I told her to relax in her tiredness and see what her automatic processing could do on its own.  It did very well. We were both pleasantly surprised.

   S still wasn't doing crossbody blending. She had one major glitch. She identified the sound of ar as /r-a/. She couldn't hold the sounds in the correct order for love or money. I push the students to work on the problem for a while. It is a golden opportunity to force the brain to change. It's hard for my students to understand the concept of brain plasticity, which is a relatively new concept. 

  I had a dentist appointment later in the afternoon. I dropped my cosmetic snap-on last week for an adjustment. While they covered my unattractive lower teeth, the snap-on substituted one distraction for another.  My natural teeth were badly stained from years of eight cups of coffee and two packs of cigarettes a day; the new ones were whiter than the veneers on all my other teeth and reflected the light as my other teeth did not.  I don't think of people noticing my teeth one way or the other in face-to-face contact.  My teeth are only a problem when I make videos on Zoom.  I unwittingly solved the problem with the two videos I already had on Zoom by filling the screen with images and having my image in a small box, too small to notice a detail like my teeth.  Perhaps most people don't notice other people's teeth. Just those who are self-conscious about theirs, dentists and orthodontists. 

    The dentist thought he could solve the problem by applying a darker color to the snap-on.  That was bound to do something. Currently, they were stark white.  He painted them so they matched the color of the rest of my veneered teeth.  That was an improvement.  He didn't charge me for the service or the office visit. He said it allowed him to be creative. 

    Knowing I tutored, the receptionist, the dentist's sister-in-law, commented on how lucky the kids I worked with were. She talked about one of her nieces, who, at 10, continues to have learning problems. I expected her to say it would be good if I worked with her.  I don't think so.  The girl's mother brought her son to me.  His grandmother, who had worked as the dental receptionist, told me she thought her grandson would love me.  I assumed a compatibility that wasn't there. When I introduced BrainManagementSkills, he freaked out. That type of introspection was just beyond him.  In addition, the girl's mother, the hygienist, talked to me about the girl's speech problems.  She talked about how she and her husband would make fun of her speech problems. Oh, boy.  I said nothing because I perceived a degree of blindness to the impact of that treatment that would make anything I had to say fall on offended ears. I didn't think I could help the girl.  Working with her would be to deal with the negative impact of that hurtful treatment.  The receptionist talked about how the girl sat alone on a rock for hours doing nothing. Hello, Houston. There's a problem!

    I met with  Mama K's Twins. I saw a massive difference in Twin E's word recognition as we went through the 151-175 word list. They were all holding. She got each one correct, although she still had to do conscious decoding on some words. Sometimes, she had to be reminded to start with the vowels. 

   I had a few bad nights. I tried to open the Tapping App to soothe myself.  It said my free sessions were over, and I had to pay to get more.  I emailed the company to find out when I had paid for a year's subscription but heard nothing back. I resolved to pay the annual fee for the tapping solution app again.  I had no sense of time. Perhaps it had been a year since I paid for the subscription.  I pressed the subscribe button.  It announced I was a paid subscriber; my subscription would expire in December 2024. I guess it's not a scam.

   Adolescent D announced he was doing his school assignments.  Had he told his mom? "No big deal!" he'd been doing them for a while. What was a while? One week.  I asked his permission to tell his mom.  He said ok.  I sent her a text message.  I heard nothing from her. It is possible she said nothing to him.  Another avoidant personality.  Not my type.

Sunday, May 5, 2024

 Sunday, May 5, 2024 

   I parked on the strip in front of the church instead of one of the parking spaces in the back or on the front lawn.  I proudly made my New York City parking moves to get a perfect parallel park: pull up, stop, turn the wheel, pull back, stop, and turn the wheel. All these moves get the car as close to the curb in a small space.  When I got out, I found I had ripped up the grass in the strip with my wheel-turning antics.  Oh, dear.  I’ve seen other spots torn up like that. I always wondered what some idiot did to create that mess. Now, I know.

  I gave Judy Darby’s information on the digital organ with a sounding board someone donated to a church south of us. Judy had asked me if Darby could provide the name of someone who could tune it. Darby said, “Have someone haul it to the dump!”  The digital ones are replaced by newer versions within years, but Darby also gave me two names. 

   I stopped at Costco for four items: Q-tips, salad, a tooth-whitening kit, and a battery-powered vacuum/broomstick. I raced around, but the only item I found was the salad. The lines were short, so  I checked out with one item.

  This morning, I had third-grade M. Something was clearly wrong. She was distant and disengaged. I opened a window on Google and talked about it. I hadn’t shared it with her, and she had said nothing. Wow! I didn’t use Stuart Little today. She needed a greater challenge. I was surprised by her poor reading fluency when she started reading. It got better with the second passage. 

  I did the Gating Game with Adolescent D today. In this game, I see the passage, but he doesn’t.  I reveal the following word in the passage, one letter at a time.  I started giving him clues as well as letters. Some clues are unrelated to the context; they are grammatical cues or definitions like synonyms or antonyms.

  Damon called while I was finishing up with D. He told me to call him back, but I knew better. I might miss him, and I love talking to him.

   I wrote about the problems created when someone demands perfection from themselves.  It’s a dead end.  If the goal is perfection, failure is guaranteed.    

   We’re in trouble if we are the perfectionist or we are connected to someone who is.    Whether the latter demands perfection from themselves as well as others is mostly beside the point.  They are brutal to those around them. They blow up easily when things don’t go their way.  They are genuinely distressed. 

   The perfectionist can be confused with the control freak. The control freak just wants to dominate. However, when I talked about surrendering the perfectionist stance, Adolescent D associated it with power. The perfect one had the right to dominate over others. Oh, boy! I wonder where he got that attitude from. 

Saturday, May 4, 2024

 Saturday, May 4, 2024

  I went for my morning walk early this morning and missed Dean and Nina. Dean dropped off a dozen eggs for  Darby, saying they were particularly beautiful. I delivered them later, telling her what Dean said about them.

   I spent some of the day in the yard, trimming the shrubs along the driveway.  To cut the tops, I climbed on a three-step stool.  Since the driveway is on a slope, it can be tricky.  I have to place the step stool so the shrubs support both of us. If it or I tilt over, the shrub will catch us.

   I got to work with the Twins today.  Twin A read on a low third-grade level.  Her fluency improved, and she did a good job articulating the main idea in the passage.  When I asked her a detailed question, she looked up in the air rather than reread the passage. That drives me nuts. Why do the kids do that? Is it because they have a history of poor reading and figure they’ll never find the information that way?  Do they think they’re supposed to know the answer?. 

  I meet with many of my students on Zoom. Twin A drives me nuts. She wanders around the house.  Even though she is improving, she hates working with me. I don’t take it personally. She hates working on reading. I can appreciate her feelings. When I feel I can’t do an adequate job, it is painful to try, too.

Friday, May 3, 2024

 Friday, May 3, 2024  

     This morning, I made it to the hula class Elaine told me about. I parked in the church parking lot and walked to the Ali’I Drive community center. I had been there for church events before the Grace Parish Center was built.  I walked to the back. That’s where I entered for church activities.  All the doors were locked. I didn’t see anyone inside.  Someone came from the waterfront. I thought she was looking for the class, too. I asked her where the entrance might be. “Probably around the front.”  I was anxious and didn’t say thank you. She snarled, “You’re welcome.” Oh, well.

   I found the front entrance clearly visible- in front of the building. The class hadn’t started yet.  Someone told me I had to sign in. When I did, I discovered I needed to sign up and pay at the Civic Center. The hula class was a course offered by the city for the kapunas (seniors).  I could participate today, but I should be signed up and paid by the next class. There were about 50 people in the class, all women, Hawaiian, Filipino, and haoli, white.

   The teacher gave me a shawl to tie around my hips.  Many of the women wore these unattractive skirts.  When I got home, I ordered one on Amazon.

   The teacher taught one move – the figure eight. She often had her back to us.  I followed other dancers who were familiar with the basic moves. Then, she continued leading the class in the dance Lovely Hula Hands.  I got some of the moves. I certainly added to my daily steps.  The dance requires the dancer to raise their arms high, sometimes above their shoulders and heads. Those moves were still a challenge for my left arm.  I was only ten months out from eight hours of surgery for an elbow reconstruction and a reverse shoulder replacement.  I rested my arms when it became too much and then picked it up again.

    I introduced an exercise I developed with Dominik in the 1980s to Adolescent D., the objective was to keep him engaged with the decoding process.  With Adolescent D, the aim is to force him to consider all the letters before concluding what the word is. 

    I learned something new today. When I did the exercise with Dominik, I learned that I make a guess with each letter.  If I give you a seven-letter word and then reveal each letter individually, observe what your mind does.   S- searching through all the words starting with S is daunting. I think my mind waits for the next letter.  Then there are two letters: SP.  Now that it narrows down the field, my mind throws up a bunch of words that start with SP but recognizes that none of them are long enough to fit the bill.  Now there’s a third letter SPE. Again, my mind does a random search for all the possible words. A few of them reach my conscious mind.  Then SPEC.  Hmm! Spectacular.  Too long. Spectacle. Also too long.  SPECI   Species??? Possible.  SPECIA  Ah, SPECIAL.   When working with Dominik, I was astounded when I guessed the word correctly well before I had all the letters.  Then, I realized that our poor readers make those guesses just as I do- a confirmed good reader. The difference is I insist I wait until I’ve seen the whole word.  I don’t impulsively grab at the first word my unconscious mind serves up.  I reject the initial suggestions.  Our poor readers don’t. 

   I meet with Jana on Zoom.  I met Jana through a volunteer tutoring program in LA. She asked me to mentor her.  She had a question about a student she started working with.  I can’t remember what she said about her problem, but I do remember I didn’t have enough information to draw a conclusion.  

   I asked her about a student she worked with last year.  She said his problems cleared up when she started using my methods with him. That was lovely to hear.

       I wondered about Campbell Scott, a lead actor in Royal Pains.   He plays the very powerful, rich, and dignified Boris on Royal Pains. As it turns out, he is the son of George C. Scott and Coleen Dewhurst. How’s that for inheriting a set of acting genes?  

Thursday, May 2, 2024

 Thursday, May 2, 2024

    I scheduled an early appointment with Jean, my friend,  to do the water meditation.  Jean introduced it. We’ve been doing it daily ever since. We knew we would never keep it up on our own. We share when we speak. Another source of wonderful support. Each friend has their own unique contribution. I am one lucky lady.

   Today, we had a limited time in the morning. I called Jean several times. No answer. Then the time expired. We miss it every once in a while.

    Today, I had my appointment with Dr. Reed. It is always good to see her. I made an appointment to check a hard lump in my left armpit. I was pretty sure it wasn’t cancerous, but I appreciated a doctor’s confirmation.

    It started as a sebaceous cyst thirty years ago. It became encapsulated. I rediscovered it periodically. This time, I was concerned because it was hard. By the time I had my appointment today, it was smaller.  I applied MakesNoClaims (Intrasound Gel) daily, and it shrank.  Another doctor once told me, “Cancer never gets smaller.” It was good to have Dr. Reed confirm my diagnosis, but she did have some concerning news for me.       

  “Did I notice my LDH had risen by 50 points?”  No, I hadn’t noticed that.  My LDH count is always high, but so is my HDH.  My ratio is always good.  Had I changed my diet?  Yes. After my accident, when I shattered my shoulder and my elbow in a fall, had eight hours of surgery, two weeks in the hospital, and another three weeks under twenty-four-hour home care, I stopped taking my smoothy drink every morning, where I added ground flax seed to the drink. That had disappeared from my diet. Yep, that could have done it. I must find ways to include flax seed in my diet, with or without the smoothy.

    I worked with twenty-six-year-old S. We worked on a new story. When I worked on one she had already read, she could use her memory to recall the words without decoding. With a new story, she had to rely on the letters alone. She had to decode. She did well except when she hit a blending problem. Again, I can’t get her to use cross-body blending. It occurred to me that maybe she wasn’t resistant because of her ego. Perhaps she was resistant because neurological irritation.  Crossing the midline may be the problem. I will have to check. 

   Today, I arrived at Ulu Wini before the school bus arrived, delivering the children who live in the low-income housing.   I got a bit of work done on the updates before the kids got there. As I was typing away, a man came by. “I’m Chantel’s husband, Josh. She talks about you, saying what a great teacher you are.”  It is good to hear explicit praise.  I don’t need a lot, but a sprinkling of it feels good. 

   Fifth-grade LY came and asked to work with me immediately. She reads with fair fluency on grade level. As we worked, it became apparent she could use some help decoding multi-syllable words. I don’t think this is taught explicitly in schools, but many kids need it.  I could have used explicit instruction when I was young. My reading improved when I learned how to do it as an adult and was already a decent reader.

   I had to call second-grade MI over to work with me.  She benefits from my work but doesn’t initiate it. She had no idea how to determine the value of the numerals from their place, in other words, place value. After two sessions, she could consistently identify the value of a numeral up to the hundreds place.  Then, we proceeded to addition without regrouping. She couldn’t count-on. That’s when you start with the large number and add-on, instead of counting from one, as in 6 + 2 (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8) versus 

(6, 7, 8).  Today, we started with addition with regrouping. Not a clue: 75+ 15= 810. Back to the drawing board.  

   This poor girl has problems going blank when she doesn’t understand what someone is saying. Adolescent D had that problem. His was so bad I thought he should be checked for epilepsy.  But it’s past now. He doesn’t do it with me anymore and reports not doing it at school.

  After working for a while, I asked her if she wanted to stop. She was hesitant to answer. I think the kids think I’m setting a trap for them, and they’re supposed to answer, “No, I’d just love to continue.”  I tell them it is as essential to know when you can’t take in any more information as it is to pay attention for as long as you can.  Ingesting information is much like ingesting food; you can consume only so much in one sitting.

   I met with 2nd grade JTHA.  Wow! I saw a tremendous improvement in her reading. She took her time with each word, decoding it accurately.  I can appreciate how counterintuitive it is to work slowly so you can go faster. But that’s the way it works.

   Third-grade PH asked to work with me as I was packing up. I stopped to read with her. She just wanted to read to me, and she didn’t welcome any instruction. 

  Taisha from Provision Solar called. My under-the-roof and racks were all good and could be used to install the new 400 panels, replacing the 35-300 panels. She also said there was a change in HELCO’s return policy.  Currently, the energy points I garnered expire every month.  With the new policy, they would expire at the end of the year, although the percentage of return per kwh would be less.  Taisha said she thought this would be the better deal.  She said I could add additional panels, too. Before, La’a had told me I couldn’t do that. I was permitted to have a given number of KWHs.I would be higher than the permit allowed if I got twenty-five 400 panels to replace my 25 300.

    On my evening walk tonight, Lutz commented on my improved gait.I have been pushing through more with my right leg.  It means more significant involvement of my right glutes and stretch of my right psoas. I feel stronger with this small mechanical adjustment.

    In the evening, I continued watching Royal Pains on Netflix and uploading my entries to Blogger.com.

Wednesday, May 1, 2024

 Wednesday, May 1, 2024

  I huggled with Elsa before I get out of bed. This routine started with me walking to the other side of the bed and massaging and kissing her. Now, I call her over to lie beside me. We spoon. I rubbed her down, and then we just lay there. It's lovely to have something in my life that tolerates affection. Elsa does more than tolerate it. She's downright promiscuous. She walks up to people we meet when walking and demands to be petted. Nina and Gail depend on it. They greet her joyfully.  Elsa is like her mom, me, friendly.

 Today was Cylin's birthday!! I sent her a voicemail birthday greeting. I said, "You didn't answer because you knew what was in store. Here it comes!" I sang an improvised version of the version Mike and I sang. I sound like an animal in pain, but it's fun. I think some others find it entertaining. But probably not the musically sensitive—like Judy.

   Yesterday was Judy's birthday. I never got a chance to speak to her in person. Today, I asked her if she got my voicemail. She couldn't remember until I reminded her I sang to her. "Oh, yeah. I was so unbearable I turned it off after two bars." Some don't think it's funny. Oh, well. I can't win them all. Note to self: Don't sing Happy Birthday to Judy next year.

    I had trouble last night dealing with my negative voice. When it takes over, it destroys me.   When I woke up around 2 am, it started up. I recognize it now as an addiction. I refused to cooperate with the psychic demand. I grabbed my phone. The Tapping App was up and working again. I put on the sleep tape I like and fell back to sleep. It is so clear that I am deliberately upsetting myself.  This is how I lived when I was a child. I was constantly anticipating not just criticism, but criticism with a percussive delivery. It was like being tasered every time. I have presented my mother's style to people. They all jump and say, "Don't do that to me."  

   I recently criticized Steve Peters's take on the relationship between the prefrontal lobes and the limbic system, identifying humanness strictly with the prefrontal lobe. From his perspective, the limbic system, the chimp brain, is not part of the human being. Nuts to that idea. However, his paradigm helped me to separate myself from the hysteria generated by my limbic system and to control it.  

   People set boundaries in different ways. Some couples live with domains of power. It could be that each has a domain of control and the other has veto rights. I prefer a situation where at least some of the decisions are negotiated at the moment.  

   I thought Mike needed more control than I did.  We'd get out of the car, and I would have to hand him the keys so he was sure I didn't lose them.  I don't think I ever lost the keys. But he needed that to feel better, so I gave them to him. If I treated him like he treated me, he'd take offense. I was treating him like an incompetent. I didn't react badly to his behavior toward me. I knew it was his problem, and he gave me enough love and respect in other contexts that this was a mere blip on the radar. We had a system that honored each others' boundaries, and I knew I could rely on it. We were both raised by mothers who had zero respect for our boundaries. So, being able to ask someone to stop whatever they were doing was paramount for both of us. We could express our needs and have them honored. Honoring them didn't mean giving us what we wanted; it meant treating those needs with respect. 

   What is the opposite of that? When someone criticizes you for wanting something the other person is uncomfortable addressing, that dishonors the need and the person.  Or attacking a person's character; never do that. How's that for a simple rule. Especially don't use character assignation as a response when someone asks you for something you don't want to give. A simple no would suffice. Of course, the nay-sayer has to deal with being a bad person in their own eyes if they buy into the self-sacrifice for others paradigm. Bad paradigm. 

   I prefer a different paradigm. Sacrificing yourself to prove to yourself and others that you're a 'good person' is just as evil as being self-centered. All actions are selfish. Wiping yourself out inevitably backfires. Nah, I can't say that 100%. There are circumstances that demand some form of sacrifice. Usually, they're ones you have to make, or you wouldn't be able to live with yourself.

    I observed some people set boundaries with broad strokes. They never put themselves in a social situation that doesn't afford a quick exit. Suppose they are in a situation where someone makes them uncomfortable. Rather than letting the person know their feelings, they completely cut them out of their life. They can't ask for what they want or say no to what they don't want except through control of the circumstances. It makes intimacy difficult. 

   I finally figured out Adolescent D's problem. He's a perfectionist.  I spoke to him about it today. He said everyone wants to be perfect. He even saw it as a way of making oneself dominant in a social situation. I think perfectionism is a form of mental illness. Anyone who says they should be right at all times will be hoisted on their own petard.  

   If perfect is your goal, you will always be a failure. You'll inevitably fail when you evaluate your accomplishment by the standard of perfection. If your life goals are good enough and better, you can see a positive outcome and success. Perfectionism is always a dead end.

   Remarkably, D listed a number of things he'd handed in lately that were incomplete or not perfect. He also praised himself for the poem he wrote, where the other day, he condemned the people who praised him for doing so over something that was easy.  Wow! Wow! and Wow! If he can make this change, he will be home free. 

  Sandor stopped by. I had his name on my schedule and then forgot about it. He was coming to help me with tech problems, and I had been looking forward to his help. I didn't remember the appointment even when I heard his voice calling from the side door. He said, "Can I come in?"  I actually told him to wait. I wanted to check who it was. Wow! How's that for a mental lapse? This is a new low. 

   However, I see my mind regaining its sharpness when doing the morning puzzles, Wordle, NY Times mini, and Connections. I've heard several times it takes at least a year to recover from anesthesia, and I had eight hours of it.

   Sandor solved my problem on blogger.com. I post last year's update on blogger daily.   I wound up with two blogger sites under the same name. One through Safari has close to 63,000 hits. The one through Chrome has close to 100,000. The one on Safari hasn't had a new entry since June 16, 2022, and people are still reading it. It's one or two here and there and the occasional bot where over 1,000 show up for one day and not again for six months.  The numbers are high because English teachers have discovered it and require their students to read it.  

   The recent updates are on the Chrome site. When I paste the entry into the new post, an image window pops up and doesn't allow me to download the full text. Sandor spent half an hour to an hour trying to figure it out. He found out the problem comes from Microsoft, not Blogger.com. They tried to fix it but couldn't. Sandor found a workaround. I should post the solution on YouTube myself.

   When he finished, he stayed and worked on the church bulletin. We worked together on our own in silence. I love that type of companionship. It is what I miss most about Mike.  

Tuesday, April 30, 2024

 Tuesday, April 30, 2024

  I had a good night's sleep.  I had no agitation, and I slept well until 4:30 a.m.  When I saw Dean and Nina on my morning walk with Elsa, they updated me on the progress of their chickens.  One is definitely a rooster. They wanted to have four of those guys with the rest hens. They expect a shipment of 18 baby chicks by the end of the week. Nine of them are replacements for the ones that died. The rest are a new order. They are going to have quite a flock. 

   It was an Ulu Wini day. When I arrived, they warned me it was 'store day.'  I assumed they meant it was a day for free food distribution. I didn't understand why this would affect my work with the kids, but ok. It wasn't free food day; it was the day the kids could pick out toys. They built up points for service. Fifth-grade Rosemita had the most points. The kids were excited, but a number were anxious to work with me.

   5th grade M was sitting at the table set up for my work when I arrived. She wanted to work with a group of her friends instead of alone. I understood her desire, but the needs of the children were too diverse to make that possible.  As it wound up, I could have included at least one more girl in the class.  I  had M read a grade-level passage and then tell me what it was about. Oh, boy. Way off. She picked a few words from the passage, and that was it.  I asked her if she visualized the meaning of the words as she read. No, of course not.  There are many reasons for this; being unable to visualize was not one for her. When I asked her if she could visualize her room when her mom told her to clean it, she said yes.  The kids work so hard to read the words and cope with the unfamiliar vocabulary and sentence structure that they have no brain power left to focus on the meaning.  

   The vocabulary and sentence structure are unfamiliar for two reasons. First, English is not their parent's native language. Second, they don't hear complex language, even in their parents' native language. They would need help understanding a unique complex sentence in their language, no less in English.   I worked with her on visualizing the meaning of the words in the sentence.   I can do that with at least two or three students at a time.

   Next, I worked with 2nd grade TC. She reported a dramatic improvement in her reading.  Whereas last time she read Reading Roots 11-13, today she read 26.  The text is mostly one-syllable words with a lot of repetition. Her reading was much better. She didn't once guess a word based on its first letter. She took the time to decode each word and read at a fairly good clip.  Did my work really make that difference?  I know I'm good, but I'm even skeptical that the difference could be from something I did. Surely, the teachers at school continued to help her. My gift is to diagnose and address the problem's root cause.

   The last time I worked with third-grade SP, he was so hyper I couldn't get anything done. He was much better today.  He wanted to work on a story he had read before because he could rely on memory. I pushed decoding. He could retain the sound of a phoneme as he blended. His blending skills were good.  He prefers not to decode because he can't read fluently.

   I find third-grade LE challenging to work with. He's defensive to the point of hostile. He will be a troubled teen and trouble for everyone else. However, his word recognition is good at a low level.  He read the material at a third-grade level reasonably well, if somewhat haltingly. When I asked him what he wanted to work on, he said reading louder.  I had him read one of the stories from Reading Roots on a first-grade level. His reading was smooth and loud enough.  I concluded that he mumbles when he reads to the teacher at grade level because he can't read smoothly, and he's covering for his lack. He doesn't have enough practice at grade level with multi-syllabic words. I hope he comes back so I can help him overcome this minor obstacle.

   I was packing up to go home when I spotted second-grade MI. She's the one I've been helping with math. I called her over. She groaned but came.  I reviewed the place values. The last time I worked with her, lining up numbers for addition on the vertical confused her. We solved this problem today. Maybe I'd better say we made substantial improvement. She asked me to give her another addition problem to identify the place value of all the numerals.  Then, at the end of the session, she became confused again. I hope this doesn't turn her off completely.  I discovered today that she didn't know how to use counting-on. I showed her how. She could do it immediately. She may forget it just as fast. We'll see.

   MI has a problem similar to the one Adolescent D used to have; she blanks out and disappears into space.  He did it so frequently that I thought he should be checked for epilepsy.  He denied he was frightened.  MI denies it, too. Neither can handle the discomfort of not knowing what the teacher is talking about. Well, the more they absent themselves, the further behind they fall, the worse they feel.  What a dilemma. 

   I rediscovered Royal Pains on Netflix a week ago.  I saw it a while ago.  I thought it was pretty silly.  It's a story about rich, beautiful people living in luxury. I needed something light to counterbalance my bad moods. I enjoyed it more with each episode rather than less.  I love the addition of Paige's character and the relationship between Evan and her. They look like what I understand a loving couple to be.  The medical stuff is almost silly. No matter the emergency, Hank always pulls the right equipment out of his bag for the occasion or McIvers a solution. I binge on the series when feeling low.