Wednesday, January 12, 2022

 Wednesday, January 12, 2022

 

   I took all the supports off my ankle. I tried to reapply the KT tape before I went to bed. It was all messed up in the morning. I can walk fairly well if I hold the walking stick in my left hand, supporting the full range of motion in my right hip and leg. That allows me to keep my body symmetrical and put my ankle through more range of motion.

   I felt a little lost in the morning. This has been coming for a while. I have experience with it being the darkest before dawn. If I can sit with it peacefully, I can make it to the other side in better shape than ever. 

     Yesterday, poor Damon had to ask me not to complain about something going wrong in my life. I agreed with him. I have said something to him before about having to draw a halt to something that makes him uncomfortable. Now that I know how he feels, I have to make more effort to not go on and on. It’s too much for him. I told him he could say, “Hey, Betts, remember our agreement,” with a rise in pitch. I will probably get scared if he says, “B-e-t-t-y,” with a lowered tone. 

  In the 70s, when Mike and I were first together, I was having difficulty with a commune member. I was going on and on. One morning Wednesday, Mike said, “I love you dearly. You have till Friday to fix it. After that, I don’t want to hear about it.” I found it a great relief. 

   Damon pointed out that my complaints were circular; they didn’t go anywhere. Unfortunately, or fortunately, sometimes I have found a solution in doing this. However, it requires a great deal of mental and emotional energy. I love to work things out. It drives me nuts when I deal with people who don’t relish the activity. I love my method. A problem between people is an opportunity to deepen the relationship, and learn more about the other person and myself. 

   I can’t fault those who do not want to operate this way. I see many who manage to have perfectly good lives. The function of anyone’s way of dealing with life is how well it works for them, not everyone else. Of course, if you’re dealing with downright immoral, if not illegal, behavior for others, that’s another matter. If someone’s behavior is harmful or hurtful for themselves or others, it’s time to change. 

   I finally managed to wash Elsa for the second time this week. Her skin condition improves with more medicinal baths.

   I had a haircut appointment. I was good and ready. My mom used to say that hair doesn’t sit well if we’re not doing well, either physically or emotionally. Mine has not been looking so good. 

     Randee was very welcoming. I feel loved there. We all prefer to be somewhere where we’re welcome. I told her I was feeling down. I asked her about her parents. Her mom had just left her dad the last time I was in. Apparently, this separation has been forty years in the making. They’re still separated, but her mom isn’t ready to take any more action, like divorce or moving her stuff out of their shared home. Her dad sounds like he’s ready to move on.   Randee’s oldest boy will turn 18 in two days. She said, “I did it. I kept someone alive for 18 years.”  That is a parent’s primary goal with their child. Randee seems to have good kids.

  The check from one of my clients arrived last night. I went to the bank to cash two checks, some for deposit and for cash in hand. I had this overly friendly teller. He was probably inappropriate for most people, but he was a joy to me. He talked about himself and made extra efforts to help me. I was confused. My low spirits leave me mentally not as sharp. Has there been some systemic change, or is this just a momentary dip? Being physically, mentally, or emotionally in a bad place has always impacted my sharpness ratio. Hopefully, this, too will pass.

   I did some work on the Phase III video, tweaking the slides. It’s not a lot, but it’s more than nothing.