Saturday, September 18, 2022

Saturday, September 18, 2022

 

  I spent most of the day sleeping. It felt great. It was these deep satisfying periods of sleep. It may have been a reaction to the two shots I got yesterday. It may be grief as well. I stopped talking to someone I had known as a child about a year ago. I thought they would be nothing other than relieved. They have repeatedly told me that they don’t like me and think I am a terrible person. Whatever the problems are between us, it is clear they are all my problems. 

 Maybe someone else could do okay with this; I’m not. My mother constantly told me everything I did was wrong or bad, no one liked me, and I was a terrible person. “You, you, you. Leave it to you!”  “You’re nobody!”  But she never told me what I was doing wrong or how to do it correctly. It was Kafkaesque. (Kafka wrote “The Penal Colony,” a story about a prisoner who is constantly told he’s guilty but not what he is guilty of.) This is the situation I’m in with this person. I have gotten some information over the years. “Never talk about feelings or personal history. Only talk on intellectual topics.”  I guess it’s a little like the conversation between men: - only sports or politics.

       We both have developed coping systems that have gotten us through life. We both have gotten some of what we considered most important. That’s the purpose of any person’s life choices: getting as much as we could for ourselves while doing the least damage to others. Unfortunately, our respective styles are as incompatible as can be. Unfortunately, her strategy in dealing with me is like my mother’s: I’m wrong and a fundamentally bad person. I can’t do this again. I just can’t. It hurts too much. Maybe I could ignore it if it weren’t Deja Vu all over again. I’m not wired that way. Too bad for both of us.

   I found my set of yoga toe gems sitting next to my old-lady chair. Yvette must have put them there. She had them with the yoga class equipment—what a great idea. I tried them on my right foot with the wandering second toe, resting uninvited on the first. It made a difference. If I put them on every day for a few hours, I may be able to control my toe’s progress to the left. 

   I’d been hearing anger at the monarchy for their colonialism. I can appreciate the anger about it. It was evil. It is responsible for many of the problems those countries have today. What I don’t get is how dismantling the monarchy will accomplish anything. We in the USA don’t have a monarchy, an icon representing hundreds of years of political decisions. However, we have done immeasurable damage to the world. What do we tear down?  

   The monarchy does represent the institutionalized social hierarchy. Will dismantling the monarchy bring down that hierarchy? India’s Hindu religion institutionalized a social hierarchy. It has no icon comparable to the English monarchy. 

    Elizabeth functioned as the perfect icon. She was as inscrutable as the Mona Lisa. You could see in her what you wished. She was stable, constant, humble -and devoted to her job. I don’t know if Charles can follow suit. The most stable elements in the current crowd are Princess Ann and Camila. The latter is underappreciated. 

     Charles looked devastated. Yes, he lost his mother. My money says that part of his grief is the loss of his life as the prince in waiting, shielded by his mother from having to assume the role of king. I don’t think he ever wanted that role. William will do a better job if the monarchy continues until he assumes power. Hopefully, Charles doesn’t abdicate and dump the job on his shoulders now. Let him enjoy his family life.