Thursday, September 1, 2022

 Thursday, September 1, 2022

We had our regular driveway yoga. On Tuesday, we had a makeup day. Then, it was only Scott and me. Today, Casey and Elise joined us. Yvette was excited because Elise had gotten a job at Ornish as the stress management instructor, and Yvette would be training her. I noticed greater strength in my leg muscles. It was easier to do leg lifts and hold them in the air.

 My blog numbers were up again. My champion is back to work teaching English. When my numbers are over ten, it is always because some teacher has assigned my blog to his class. I have asked for information about my readers, but I am still waiting for someone to respond.

  It was another day of heavy napping after I had another good night’s sleep. My best guess is grief; it’s exhausting.

  I met with Shelly today. I suspected I was not dealing with my grief since my experience at the bereavement group. A sob escaped when I introduced myself and announced Mike had died on March 3, 2019. That was a surprise. I suspect I never dealt with my dad’s death when I was fifteen. My sister described standing in the playground overwhelmed with loneliness. I was still in high school when he died. I never experienced any of those emotions. I focused on surviving my mom’s attacks without my dad as a buffer and support. I had my first good night’s sleep after he died my first night sleeping in my dorm room. Then, I struggled to free myself from his grasp. I thought of myself as tethered to a ghost.

  How does one overcome grief? Should one sit with it? Is it something to be gotten rid of? One of the participants in the bereavement group wondered why go on. How much grief should we face at any one moment? My focus immediately after his death was on my life without him. Without him, I had to invent a new me, or at least a variation of me. I have no idea how to do this correctly in the most beneficial way. Shelly didn’t have any good ideas either.

   I spent most of the day catching up on my updates. I had been way behind, backed up to the 27th. I got caught up today.

   I read more of Barren Grounds, a book assigned to one of my 6th-grade students. It’s taken a turn I’m not enjoying. The characters have entered a fantasy land in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe tradition. It’s a dystopian world the kids are going to help save. Some gratuitous snarkiness has entered the dialogue. I’ll finish the book. But I’m not enjoying it anymore.