Monday, November 6, 2023

 Monday, November 6, 2023 

    I have been keeping up with my gardening schedule. Today was the front of the house where a large magnificent blue-silver palm resides. I’ve taken up pulling the weeds instead of knocking them out with boiling water or vinegar. It’s great exercise. I have to squat down. I think I’m getting down lower with practice.

 I made a similar schedule for housekeeping. I don’t know that I have much less to do than I did before Mike died, but it sure feels that way. I have to keep busy to stave off the grief.

   Grief is cumulative. There was my grief over my mother’s rejection of affection and her constant criticisms of me. Then, there was my father’s death when I was fifteen. My sister told me about standing in her elementary school playground and feeling lonely. All I was was terrified. I was left to deal with my mother alone. My dad had afforded me some protection. I think she toned down when he was around. He also offered me a safe haven. I knew I wasn’t feeling the loss as I should at the time. I didn’t have the luxury. I’ve never dealt with my grief over his loss. Now, I have to deal with a lifetime of unresolved grief. It’s hard. I don’t wish it on anyone.

   Yesterday, I took on my kitchen. The refrigerator needed a thorough cleaning. I took out shelves and drawers. I knew the Sears repairman was scheduled to come today. He could help me reassemble it. For the second time, they canceled. They didn’t have a serviceman available. Like every other operation, they can’t find employees. I called Darby and asked if she or Patrick could help me replace the large shelf.

I got the frame in myself. When I tried to put the glass plate in, I couldn’t manage it. I should put the glass and the frame in as a piece. My left arm isn’t good enough yet to pull that off. Darby took on the chore like a champ. She is used to fitting large pieces back together in her piano tuning work. I’ve never seen a piano tuner take a piano apart. Darby is trained in repair as well as tuning. She offered to let me watch her tune her piano one day. Can’t wait.

   It was a Darby night for my evening walk. We passed Shannon on the way. She offered to join us. Shannon asked if either of us had seen the Barbie movie. None of us had. I would love to share it with them. I called Darby. She was on. I have a TV set. I can connect to the computer and the internet.