Thursday, December 14, 2023

 Thursday, December 14, 2023 

     This was a high-wind day without rain. It felt like the Mistral. It was scary.

     I had a nightmare vision when working with Shelly today. I faced an abyss. That’s the place we absolutely don’t want to go to. People would prefer to die rather than go there. I know people who have made that choice. 

In my healing work, I devised an image for dealing with the dilemma- a controlled descent preceded by observing the opening from a safe distance. The participant must feel in control and curious rather than scared. I have led people through this process successfully. I don’t think anyone can safely face this on their own. The danger is added fear and trauma, which makes dealing with our demons even more difficult.

   My demons had no name; it was just this big hole in the ground, like a big well. I was terrified. I never did make the descent. I sought a safe distance over the top of a nearby hill to the greener side, down through the valley, and up the other side, nestled in a patch of deep, soft grass. I find waking dream images powerful. We don’t know what they mean, but they speak the way literature and art do to our unconscious.

  Rosie called to tell me Kelly died this morning. The mortician had already picked her up. Jean and Rosie went over to Kelly’s ex to tell the kids. I texted several people, including Yvette, to tell them.   Yvette called to ask how I was. She told me a tree had fallen in the yard. When she mentioned it, I could see it lying there. It was one tall, skinny tree. She would call Erika, her sister, to ask what to do about it. Could it be saved? I called Steve to ask for help. He was more than happy to come over.

  The tree had very shallow roots because it was planted on top of a stone. It would have to be planted deeper. We were lucky the thirty-foot tree fell away from the house instead of toward it. Steve was prepared to break up the stone.   I called Yvette to tell her the plan. Erika said it couldn’t be saved. The roots were too shallow, and the tree too tall. Steve cut up the tree, hauled it away, and helped me pick limes from the bottom of the property.  

    As Steve left, he said if I ever needed anything, he would be happy to help. This neighborhood is filled with people who I can rely on. It is a remarkable set of circumstances. I don’t know if it’s Hawaiian Aloha or just this neighborhood. I feel fortunate. While all these generous people don’t make up for the absence of someone I can live with comfortably and trust as I did Mike, it is great to have.

     I had an eleven o’clock date with Shannon and Darby to watch the Barbie movie. 

None of us had seen it. Steve, Shannon’s husband, had come over yesterday to wire the TV set in the library so we could hook it up to the computer. 

There shouldn’t have been a problem, but there was. The movie would start and stop, start and stop.

   Shannon called Steve and asked him to come over and help us. Steve arrived dressed like Ken, coming to rescue the girls. We all thought it was the WIFI connection. Steve tried moving the computer close to the router. When he saw that the transmission on the computer was sound, he realized the problem was with the TV. It was too old. Mike and I brought it with us when we moved to Hawaii in June 2015. I don’t know how long we had it before that.

   Shannon, Darby, and I watched the movie on the computer screen set up on a coffee table. It was hard on my eyes. It was also hard for Darby, who is still recovering from the stroke she had four years ago.  

   We finished watching Barbie at just three, in time for me to Zoom with Mama K’s crew. I worked on a passage about hippos with Twin A. The passage said hippos weigh as much as three automobiles. She didn’t know what an automobile was no less understand the comparison. “Do you weigh as much as your twin?” No, she weighs more. She got on the scale and showed me her weight. 105.0 lbs. She got Twin E to get on the scale, too. 96. lbs. It was worth the time. I asked Twin A if she weighed as much as her mother. She said she didn’t know. I asked if she was as big as her mother. She could say no to that and seemed to understand that if her mother was bigger, she probably weighed more.

      When I told Judy, I thought the Barbie movie was remarkable. She asked if it was hostile toward men. It couldn’t escape the Barbie conceit. Ken is superfluous in Barbie’s world. He’s just arm candy. He has no power; he barely has a function. Gerwig uses Ken’s dilemma to highlight how marginalized people feel. I saw it as a metaphor for all marginalized people. They all want power. Weak people generally want more than their fair share of power. The rich and ‘powerful’ who want more are still weak. Something is missing that they need that much to feel safe.

    I told Judy about the limes Steve and I picked. Judy has been asking me if there were any available. I hadn’t been down to the bottom of the property where the tree was in months. Judy complained Safeway was charging $1.80 per lime.

   I planned to call Kia on the nineteenth to check if the part was in. On a whim, I called today. They told me the part came in three days ago. I have a car I can’t drive. I need service as quickly as possible. They were supposed to call when the part came in so I could schedule an appointment. I called the service department to schedule an appointment. No response. I would have to go down tomorrow to schedule an appointment.

   While on Zoom with Dash, Sears called. The service man was on his way. This is the fourth appointment I had. The other three were canceled because they didn’t have a technician. I was expecting a fourth cancellation.