Tuesday, March 25, 2025

Tuesday, March 25, 2025

 

   As I awoke, I dreamt about a friend I hadn't been in contact with for years.  She was someone who seemed like a good match for me. Friends who observed us together couldn't figure it out. Several people wondered why we were friends when I was a free spirit, and she was so uptight.  I never saw that side of her until she exploded. She had befriended me so her husband could be friends with Mike. He had no other friends. He had to manifest one before she agreed to marry him. Oh, well. I enjoyed the friendship while it lasted.  She had many fine qualities. She doesn't want anything to do with me now because she has dementia.  

    I had a session with Rob. So far, most of our sessions involve exposition. I tell him about whatever comes into my mind. Unlike a Freudian psychologist, he responds.  So far, his responses have been comfortable for me. He shows interest or makes an observation. Today, he observed how my energy changed when I spoke of my parents. My parents did plenty of harm, but they were amazing people. I loved them both, and they loved me.  My mother's love for me was obscured by her damaged psyche and perverse ideas on child-rearing. It made a perfect storm.   My childhood and those aspects of me that are still heavily impacted by childhood traumas were dominated by fear.   I managed to wriggle out from under the worst of her impact on me to have an adult relationship with her, which was dominated by love and joy.  Was it perfect?  Absolutely not. There were serious snags, but we managed to navigate around them to sustain a loving and joyful relationship. I consider it one of the great successes of my life. 

   I once told my mother how I felt about our relationship. She said something amazing. Sadly, I don't remember the exact words. It was like, "Did I think I did it all alone?" What made it remarkable was that it was an honest question. It wasn't a rhetorical barb. It meant she thought about our relationship and made an effort. Wow!

  In the session with Rob, I described my protocol for helping students overcome their fears because they can't function appropriately for their age group: they can't read or do math. I've described this several times in the updates, but it's a good one and deserves repeated mention.

   I tell the student I'm going to ask a silly question. (Most of my students are in elementary school). I ask them if they think anyone is going to kill them if they never learn to read. I point to the forehead and tell them they should ask that question of that part of the brain, not the brain at the back of the head.  Hopefully, they look at me as if I've lost at least one marble.  I will also ask if their parents will stop loving them if they never learn to read well.  Again, I'm looking for a secure no. (Sadly, some parents do not do that. Just ask Henry Winkler.)

     Suppose both those answers are a secure "no." In that case, I can go ahead and proceed (If a student is hesitant, I don't override their perception. That's something to discuss on another day. I don't proceed.)  If I get the all-clear, I tell the student to see a little 'them' under the fontanel, the soft spot at the top of the head. They have the little 'them' turn around and address all the cells in the back of the head and repeatedly announce that they will not be killed, and nor will their parents stop loving them if they never learn to read.   Without fail, students report they feel more relaxed. 

   The fear they feel is an ancient one built into our brains. We are designed to be as much like the people in our age group as possible.  When our brains were under construction 2 million years ago, our lives depended on this ability. If not, we were considered a burden by our group, and we were left behind.  The survival of everyone else depended on it. 

    After describing this protocol, I told Rob it didn't work with me.  I had sugar plum Nazis dancing in my head.  I knew at a deep level what people are capable of if they don't like what you are. I know if that aspect of our psyches is unleashed and someone's discomfort with diversity rules, I will be in danger. We will all be in danger.

    Rob commented about dropping this tidbit of information just before the session ended. I didn't mean to open a can of worms at that moment. It was just something to consider for our next session. 

  After the session, I went out and did more work on the plumbagos, weeding the pathway between the fence and the shrub so I could get in there to trim it. If I don't, it will grow ten feet high or higher, taking over my neighbor's rock wall and compromising it. It is a monster plant. 

  I thought I had an appointment with Tomi, the woman I started doing cranial sacral work with. She does excellent work. After each session, I experience changes in my body, if not my psyche. It's all good.  

   I started late because I had ignored my alarm clock. I had fifteen minutes to get there. I managed to drive calmly I was very proud of myself.  When I arrived, no shoes were on the shoe stand outside the door. I knocked and tried the door. It was locked. I checked my email announcement.  Ah, the appointment was for next week. I had skimmed the email, saw 25, and assumed it was March 25 when it was for April 1, 2025.  I headed back home. I would have time to eat my lunch before going to Ulu Wini.

   Only two students wanted to work with me today at Ulu Wini.  The last time I worked with first-grade AM, she wanted to write. I had printed three copies of her story. She gave one to Shauntel and took the other two home. She asked if she could stop. I hadn't brought the slime with me today. I had left it in the car. Okay, I've learned my lesson. A bit of bribery goes a long way.

    Second-grade SL was the only other student who wanted to work with me.  She wanted to write a story.  She didn't know about what but decided to learn math at school.  In the process, I asked her to give me details about what she learned. That was like pulling nails.  I suspect the teacher was introducing double-digit addition. However, ST was still having problems adding two single-digit numbers together.  She had a system for doing it.  She made marks and counted them.  If she added 11 + 6=, she would make ten lines for the one in the tens place and circles to represent the one's place. She knew to count the lines and circles separately.  She had no idea how to add without using these marks or how to count-on. I introduced her to the number line and counting-on. It took repetition, but she got it. In the end, she had fun with it.

      I had a thought. As Mike would say, "Oh, oh.  She's had a thought."  At the end of his life, this was said with humor, warmth, and even interest. A pet peeve of mine is the  comment, "It's not personal." God, do I hate that comment. It suggests you shouldn't respond negatively to something someone did to you because it arose from their problem, not something about you. Indeed, that happens. But why am I not supposed to take it personally? 

   Here's my analogy: If a pyromaniac burns down a house three miles away from me, I don't take it personally.  I assume he didn't select the house because of some personal feelings against the homeowner. It was a randomly convenient house. However, if the same pyromaniac, with the same indifference to me, burns down my house, I take it very personally.  Likewise, if someone's behavior triggers me, the impact is personal. They hit my trigger.  Just as I'm devasted if someone burns down my house, I'm devastated when someone triggers me.