Thursday, May 9, 2024

Thursday, May 9, 2024  

   I had a long talk with twenty-six year old's mom the other day. When I texted to say I was ready for my appointment with S, her mom texted me to say S would be right there. I have often asked S if she was still sleeping at 9 or 10 in the morning. She always says no; she was up long ago, which would make sense since she has a three-year-old child.  I have been frustrated with her mom for treating her like a helpless child.  She needed to be weaned from her dependency.  I advised harsh responses. Now, I regret my words. S, her sister, and their children could wind up homeless.  The mom told me she had rescued her older daughter and her grandchild from homelessness. The older daughter has a car and mobility and spends her days at the beach with friends.  Growing up is not an option, but she won't get a job.

   I didn't have S today because she had a dental appointment.

   I had a Zoom meeting with the 80s club.  It's a small group of people from all over the world who meet to chat about issues affecting people over eighty.  One man had brain surgery earlier this month. He didn't have cancer, but he had a problem with the outer lining of his brain. It was swollen.  I told him I felt I was recovering from eight hours under anesthesia in June.  It would take time.  He thanked me for that information.

    The topics revolved around interesting things we were doing with our lives. It was a chatty meeting, not much more, and  I didn't find it particularly gratifying. 

     I had Ulu Wini in the afternoon. I left before 1:30 to stop off at the Civic Center to get my kapuna (senior) card. I was officially grouped with people in my age bracket. This was the first time I felt old and somewhat discarded. I prefer a social environment where all people of all ages are equals. It took more time than I expected to get the card.

    The youngest friend I have had since I moved to Hawaii is Isaac; he is 22, young enough to be my great-grandson. It was somewhat weird, mostly because our personalities were an odd mixture of very much alike and very different in ways that made us both compatible and uncomfortable. Most of my friends are no more than twenty years my junior, and some are older. 

   Because the stop at the Civic Center took longer than expected, I arrived late at Ulu Wini. The objective is to get there before the school bus so I don't have to wait until the bus is completely unloaded before pulling into the parking lot.  

     First-grade JY came right up to me.  She wanted to continue working on memorizing the 1-50 sight word list.  She got 100% on the first 25 words last time, which was already an improvement.  I asked her if I had done something to help. She said yes.  I should be used to this. I've been in the business for over sixty years and always see improvements like this.  Today, she did better with words 26-50 list, too. 

    Fifth-grade RM came next. I noticed she might need some help decoding multisyllabic words. I set out to teach her my six-step procedure.  She did well decoding long words without my instruction. She said her teacher had told her to use the vowels to determine the syllables.  She reported improvement in comprehension when using visualizations.  We read another passage from Barnell-Loft's fifth-grade book.  She needed help with vocabulary words: pests, crops, and hordes.  She needed help understanding the referent of a pronoun. I need to work more on that with her.  Next time I meet with her, I will do a color-coding activity, using a single color for each noun and all alternative references to that noun, either pronouns or other words that describe that object.

   First-grade KJ came to work with me. I hadn't seen her for a while. She didn't need my help. She is working above grade level now and loving every minute of it.

   I had to leave at 3:30 because I had a same-day appointment with Dr. Reed at 4 p.m.  I wanted to check two issues. I wanted her opinion on ketamine for me, and I wanted her to check me for eczema.   Judy sent me two videos on ketamine. She said it is supposed to be good for PTSD.  It's unclear what my problem is these days. It doesn't look like depression, which ketamine is supposed to help.  I'm active and can enjoy things.  My tendency to fall into rumination is as old as I am, as are the negative feelings it brings up. The worst are the feelings of acute loneliness, both familiar and new. I don't know if anyone escapes this pattern without considerable effort. I'm making this effort now.  To deal with the feelings when they come up, with or without rumination. 

   On that note, tonight, we celebrated Gayle's 80th birthday. It was a delight. We had it in my house. Lutz prepared pita sandwiches, and I provided a large slice of chocolate cake. The baker at Safeway wrote Happy Birthday Gail on it. We only discovered afterward that she spelled her name Gayle. Oh, well. I hope the number of candles (80) made up for the faux pas.

    I loved having this crew. It was so healing. Gayle was the first to comment on how well we all got along. Then Lutz said we were all independent, and there were no sociopaths among us. I said no one tried to dominate. It was Darby who commented on how well we worked together putting on this event. The suggestions just flowed, and we all flowed with them. It was easy.  

   Lutz and Darby have more than passed my friendship test: Can we say what we like and don't like to each other and reconcile?  The answer is yes. I suspect I can do it with Gayle, too, because she has told Lutz to stop talking when he speaks about a somewhat cruel practical he pulled on someone.  None of us like that in Lutz. He thinks he's funny. My mom had this trait. Is it just a German thing? It's a bit sadistic.

Thursday, May 9, 2024  

   I had a long talk with twenty-six year old's mom the other day. When I texted to say I was ready for my appointment with S, her mom texted me to say S would be right there. I have often asked S if she was still sleeping at 9 or 10 in the morning. She always says no; she was up long ago, which would make sense since she has a three-year-old child.  I have been frustrated with her mom for treating her like a helpless child.  She needed to be weaned from her dependency.  I advised harsh responses. Now, I regret my words. S, her sister, and their children could wind up homeless.  The mom told me she had rescued her older daughter and her grandchild from homelessness. The older daughter has a car and mobility and spends her days at the beach with friends.  Growing up is not an option, but she won't get a job.

   I didn't have S today because she had a dental appointment.

   I had a Zoom meeting with the 80s club.  It's a small group of people from all over the world who meet to chat about issues affecting people over eighty.  One man had brain surgery earlier this month. He didn't have cancer, but he had a problem with the outer lining of his brain. It was swollen.  I told him I felt I was recovering from eight hours under anesthesia in June.  It would take time.  He thanked me for that information.

    The topics revolved around interesting things we were doing with our lives. It was a chatty meeting, not much more, and  I didn't find it particularly gratifying. 

     I had Ulu Wini in the afternoon. I left before 1:30 to stop off at the Civic Center to get my kapuna (senior) card. I was officially grouped with people in my age bracket. This was the first time I felt old and somewhat discarded. I prefer a social environment where all people of all ages are equals. It took more time than I expected to get the card.

    The youngest friend I have had since I moved to Hawaii is Isaac; he is 22, young enough to be my great-grandson. It was somewhat weird, mostly because our personalities were an odd mixture of very much alike and very different in ways that made us both compatible and uncomfortable. Most of my friends are no more than twenty years my junior, and some are older. 

   Because the stop at the Civic Center took longer than expected, I arrived late at Ulu Wini. The objective is to get there before the school bus so I don't have to wait until the bus is completely unloaded before pulling into the parking lot.  

     First-grade JY came right up to me.  She wanted to continue working on memorizing the 1-50 sight word list.  She got 100% on the first 25 words last time, which was already an improvement.  I asked her if I had done something to help. She said yes.  I should be used to this. I've been in the business for over sixty years and always see improvements like this.  Today, she did better with words 26-50 list, too. 

    Fifth-grade RM came next. I noticed she might need some help decoding multisyllabic words. I set out to teach her my six-step procedure.  She did well decoding long words without my instruction. She said her teacher had told her to use the vowels to determine the syllables.  She reported improvement in comprehension when using visualizations.  We read another passage from Barnell-Loft's fifth-grade book.  She needed help with vocabulary words: pests, crops, and hordes.  She needed help understanding the referent of a pronoun. I need to work more on that with her.  Next time I meet with her, I will do a color-coding activity, using a single color for each noun and all alternative references to that noun, either pronouns or other words that describe that object.

   First-grade KJ came to work with me. I hadn't seen her for a while. She didn't need my help. She is working above grade level now and loving every minute of it.

   I had to leave at 3:30 because I had a same-day appointment with Dr. Reed at 4 p.m.  I wanted to check two issues. I wanted her opinion on ketamine for me, and I wanted her to check me for eczema.   Judy sent me two videos on ketamine. She said it is supposed to be good for PTSD.  It's unclear what my problem is these days. It doesn't look like depression, which ketamine is supposed to help.  I'm active and can enjoy things.  My tendency to fall into rumination is as old as I am, as are the negative feelings it brings up. The worst are the feelings of acute loneliness, both familiar and new. I don't know if anyone escapes this pattern without considerable effort. I'm making this effort now.  To deal with the feelings when they come up, with or without rumination. 

   On that note, tonight, we celebrated Gayle's 80th birthday. It was a delight. We had it in my house. Lutz prepared pita sandwiches, and I provided a large slice of chocolate cake. The baker at Safeway wrote Happy Birthday Gail on it. We only discovered afterward that she spelled her name Gayle. Oh, well. I hope the number of candles (80) made up for the faux pas.

    I loved having this crew. It was so healing. Gayle was the first to comment on how well we all got along. Then Lutz said we were all independent, and there were no sociopaths among us. I said no one tried to dominate. It was Darby who commented on how well we worked together putting on this event. The suggestions just flowed, and we all flowed with them. It was easy.  

   Lutz and Darby have more than passed my friendship test: Can we say what we like and don't like to each other and reconcile?  The answer is yes. I suspect I can do it with Gayle, too, because she has told Lutz to stop talking when he speaks about a somewhat cruel practical he pulled on someone.  None of us like that in Lutz. He thinks he's funny. My mom had this trait. Is it just a German thing? It's a bit sadistic. 

Wednesday, May 8, 2024

 Wednesday, May 8, 2024

   I went to Atlas today to drop off the recyclables I can get money for, glass soda and coffee bottles.  Yvette brought up the glass bottles, and I had several garbage bags full of soda cans. I had $16 worth of stuff.  I donated it to some homeless person.  I collected  tin cans and other glass containers. I don’t know what I was thinking of. Atlas didn’t take either of them, even for general recycling. I brought the glass ware to the transfer station recycling center and the tin cans to the garbage drop off.  There wasn’t a line for either one.  I was in and out in no time.

    I stopped at Target to look for balloons and a birthday cake. They had neither.  I had to ask someone where I could find those items. Safeway.    As I entered the store, I ran into a woman I knew from when I tutored at the local elementary school and from church. I had a bad experience with her at the school. I approached a young teacher and volunteered to tutor her kids. She brought in this woman to talk to me.  The woman offered me a job as a tutor.  I didn’t want to be tied down time-wise, so Mike and I could travel to the mainland when we liked. She also wanted me to use their teaching method.   I refused the job. She said I could volunteer and be free, but I had to use the school’s method of teaching reading.  I said, “Why would I do for free what I’m not willing to do for pay.”  I need to follow my own instincts.  I am very good at discerning the student’s real need and addressing it. Insisting I use someone else’s protocol would be torture. No thanks.

   Besides what this woman did to me, she did something even worse to the teacher who finally allowed me to work with her students. Adriene had two profoundly disturbed children in her class. This woman came to observe and told her she needed to reorganize her class. She shouldn’t isolate those two boys.  Adriene thought one would grow up to be a serial killer. There’s a good chance she’s right. That boy was removed from Adriene’s class and  given a male aide who monitored him every minute. The teacher who took him in made it clear she would tolerate no disruption to her class.  The boy had to be kept under control.  The second boy was also assigned an aide who could only focus on him and nothing else.   I was furious about the trip she laid on Adriene, suggesting she had problems because of some inadequacy on her part.  

   Here, I found that arrogant woman in Safeway picking flowers for herself for Mother’s Day.   She was with her husband.  She looked somewhat discombobulated. She introduced me to her husband. I believe she said he was a doctor.  It reveled in her insecurity.  I’m not usually that vengeful. But boy, I don’t like rigid people.

   Safeway had a wide selection of balloons in various sizes.  My original plan was to buy a helium balloon on a string and tie it around Gayle’s waste while we did our evening walk. The tie on one was ten dollars.  I bought a medium-sized one on a stick. 

   I headed over to the bakery next.  An employee was stacking fresh baked goods on the tables.  I asked her about a small birthday cake. She showed me the selection. 16 dollars.  No. Also, more than the four of us, Gayle, Lutz, Darby, and I, would eat.  I told her I just wanted a good sized slice of cake. She showed me where that display was.  I chose a large piece of chocolate cake. The employee wound up being the baker. She said she would write Happy Birthday Gail on the cake.  (I only found out afterward how she spelled her name.) While she was inscribing the cake, I looked at candles.  The slice was way too small for 80 candles.  I picked out an  8 and a 0.  It would do the job just fine.

   Darby came to pick me up for our evening walk. We hooked up with Lutz and Gayle when we encountered them coming up Kukuna. I had forgotten to grab the balloon on a stick when I left the house. When we passed the house, I ran in to get it. I stuck it down the back of her shirt. It didn’t sit right. She told me to stick it in her bra. Perfect. I took pictures of her with the crown on the balloon showing over the top of her head. 

   We three girls went to my house immediately. Lutz ran home to get the food he’d prepared. Fixings on a flatbread and salad.  We were a wonderful group. Gayle commented on how the foursome had gelled. We all got along with each other. While I have a good relationship with each person individually, something magical happens when the four of us are together. Lutz commented we were all independent and there are no narcissists.  I commented no one had to dominate. The way the plans for the party evolved was heaven for me.  We co-created the event, giving suggestions and rejecting others.  During dinner, I sat quietly so I could enjoy the way I felt in their company. It was a balm for my loneliness.  The evening erased the pain I had been suffering all day.

   Loneliness is an agony. I recognize this pain as something I started experiencing before my sister was born. I remember hoping her birth would be a fix to what was missing.  I had visions of working with my mother and caring for the baby. My parents made it clear the first day I was to have nothing to do with my sister. Her arrival didn’t make things worse, but it did clarify there was no solution. Pictures of me a year later show this sad face. My mother had everyone in their corner doing as little as possible. She needed total control. She couldn’t handle any spontaneity except her own.  

  She also couldn’t handle connection and affection. I heard a podcast on immature parents.  This is a wonderful description of my mother. My sister and I both saw her that way.  She was around 8 months old when I was born and a year and a half when she was born.  My mom kept a good house, cared for us, and loved us passionately. She just couldn’t attune to up and couldn’t tolerate shows of affection.  That latter was particularly frustrating since she was a radiantly joyful woman capable of love, just not for another human being. As far as I can make out, she actually thought something was wrong with showing another person love, not just for herself but for them as well. She ‘protected ‘ us from her intense love for us. It was a sacrifice. Who knows, maybe she was right, given she was off balance to start out with. 

Tuesday, May 7, 2024

 Tuesday, May 7, 2024

    Twenty-six-year-old S was in a bad state of mind again. She reverted to her old strategies of wild guessing based on a few letters.  She read Quick for  Vick, which is an improvement over reading very for Vic; she checked the syllable pattern.  Today, she struggled with the short /e/ vowel sound. When she went to blend it with /l/, she slipped into the long /e/.

   I had nerve testing on my left arm.  My left elbow and pinky fingers are still numb from the elbow reconstruction I had after my fall in June when I  shattered my elbow. Dr. Wong Yi Cheng no! Cheng Wong Yi-! (Her parents had her keep the Chinese way of saying the last name first.) Dr. Cheng stuck needles into me and administered small shocks to determine what nerve paths were blocked. Answer: none.  She showed me the scar, running from the back of my upper arm through the elbow down to the midline of the lower arm. Dr. Cheng praised the stitching. It is truly amazing. The scar was barely visible from the day I left the hospital.  I had never clearly seen the scar from the elbow operation before. Dr. Cheng ran her finger along to highlight it. The doctor said all the nerves along that scar line had been cut.  While nothing was blocking the nerves, they were dysfunctional because of the impact of the incision. It would take years for the nerves to regrow if they ever did. 

    It was a Ulu Wini day.  First-grade JA came to the table for help the moment I sat down. We worked on the 1-25 sight words from the Fry list last time.  Then, she struggled; this time, she got 100% and was ready to work on the next twenty-five words.  She did well on many, only missing, use, by, were, and each.  While it wasn't 100%, it significantly improved over what she did before. She reported improvement in her reading. 

   Fifth-grade RM came over next. We continued working on visualizing the story as it unfolded. She said it had made an immediate difference. I always wonder how much improvement there is in a school objective standard. Any improvement is important. If I've done it right, the students will continue to improve independently.

   Second-grade MV was there. I had to call her over. She was not hostile to working with me but felt too bad about her skill level to initiate a session.  She was still uncertain about identifying the numerals by place value. I discovered today she couldn't count by fives; neither could another child. I was shocked. Is there a problem with pattern recognition among these Marshallese children?  They don't consider patterns. That makes learning by any process other than rote hard. It could be a cultural pattern. There was nothing unfamiliar in their environments.  They knew the foundation of everything they would ever have to learn by age five.   Not anymore. It's not their fault they had to leave their homeland and move to Hawaii.  The USA used the Marshall Islands for bomb testing and made them uninhabitable.

    I finally had second-grade TC. She worked on reading Reading Roots 14. She's still below where she should be. I showed her the VC pattern in three-letter words. She copied every word in the text that conformed to this pattern. She's capable of being a good student because she saw the pattern and explored it. She will be fine.

Monday, May 6, 2024

 Monday, May 6, 2024  

   If I'm early enough, I sometimes run into Tom on my morning walks.  As he turned right onto Kukuna from Holoholo, he stooped and swooped up Tripper. Tripper is a cat who winds himself between walkers' legs, tripping them.  Tom didn't name him. Someone else did; we all call the cat Tripper now. Tom's routine is to pick Tripper up and deposit him a bit further down the road with a handful of food to keep him occupied while Tom gets away. He never bothers me because I walk with Elsa.

   On my way to Chi Qigong this morning, I stopped at Target not just to make a quick trip to the bathroom before the session but also to buy a box of Q-tips that I couldn't get at Costco the day before. I almost walked out empty-handed again. 

   I asked a clerk where I could find it. "On the headers in the cosmetic section." I couldn't find it. "Oh, yes. They moved it. It's in the section beyond the barriers." They were doing some work.  I checked the headers there. Nothing. I asked again.  Someone pointed directly at them. Ah, success! I was beginning to think Q-Tips were not in my future.

   I found both roads leading from Target to Old A closed, where the Chi Qigong class was held. There were workmen on one of the blocked roads. I asked, "How am I supposed to get to Old A?"  "Go by the other roadway."  "It's blocked."  He promised to tell the workmen to open it.  I drove back over to the Makala.  The workman I spoke to was there removing the "Road Closed" sign.  There was no work going on that road. 

    The Chi Qigong participants had started the first exercise, so it was easy to join in. Today's class was very short because Richard wasn't there to start his Hula dance warm-up exercises. When the class was over, I asked Clyde if we could do more exercises. I want an extended class.

    I sat on a bench overlooking the bay for a while, enjoying the view before I went home to catch a quick nap. Then, I had a tutoring session with twenty-six-year-old S.  She read Reading Roots 27. She looked down and distant. I wasn't expecting her to do well. She didn't when she started reading. I stopped her. I told her to relax in her tiredness and see what her automatic processing could do on its own.  It did very well. We were both pleasantly surprised.

   S still wasn't doing crossbody blending. She had one major glitch. She identified the sound of ar as /r-a/. She couldn't hold the sounds in the correct order for love or money. I push the students to work on the problem for a while. It is a golden opportunity to force the brain to change. It's hard for my students to understand the concept of brain plasticity, which is a relatively new concept. 

  I had a dentist appointment later in the afternoon. I dropped my cosmetic snap-on last week for an adjustment. While they covered my unattractive lower teeth, the snap-on substituted one distraction for another.  My natural teeth were badly stained from years of eight cups of coffee and two packs of cigarettes a day; the new ones were whiter than the veneers on all my other teeth and reflected the light as my other teeth did not.  I don't think of people noticing my teeth one way or the other in face-to-face contact.  My teeth are only a problem when I make videos on Zoom.  I unwittingly solved the problem with the two videos I already had on Zoom by filling the screen with images and having my image in a small box, too small to notice a detail like my teeth.  Perhaps most people don't notice other people's teeth. Just those who are self-conscious about theirs, dentists and orthodontists. 

    The dentist thought he could solve the problem by applying a darker color to the snap-on.  That was bound to do something. Currently, they were stark white.  He painted them so they matched the color of the rest of my veneered teeth.  That was an improvement.  He didn't charge me for the service or the office visit. He said it allowed him to be creative. 

    Knowing I tutored, the receptionist, the dentist's sister-in-law, commented on how lucky the kids I worked with were. She talked about one of her nieces, who, at 10, continues to have learning problems. I expected her to say it would be good if I worked with her.  I don't think so.  The girl's mother brought her son to me.  His grandmother, who had worked as the dental receptionist, told me she thought her grandson would love me.  I assumed a compatibility that wasn't there. When I introduced BrainManagementSkills, he freaked out. That type of introspection was just beyond him.  In addition, the girl's mother, the hygienist, talked to me about the girl's speech problems.  She talked about how she and her husband would make fun of her speech problems. Oh, boy.  I said nothing because I perceived a degree of blindness to the impact of that treatment that would make anything I had to say fall on offended ears. I didn't think I could help the girl.  Working with her would be to deal with the negative impact of that hurtful treatment.  The receptionist talked about how the girl sat alone on a rock for hours doing nothing. Hello, Houston. There's a problem!

    I met with  Mama K's Twins. I saw a massive difference in Twin E's word recognition as we went through the 151-175 word list. They were all holding. She got each one correct, although she still had to do conscious decoding on some words. Sometimes, she had to be reminded to start with the vowels. 

   I had a few bad nights. I tried to open the Tapping App to soothe myself.  It said my free sessions were over, and I had to pay to get more.  I emailed the company to find out when I had paid for a year's subscription but heard nothing back. I resolved to pay the annual fee for the tapping solution app again.  I had no sense of time. Perhaps it had been a year since I paid for the subscription.  I pressed the subscribe button.  It announced I was a paid subscriber; my subscription would expire in December 2024. I guess it's not a scam.

   Adolescent D announced he was doing his school assignments.  Had he told his mom? "No big deal!" he'd been doing them for a while. What was a while? One week.  I asked his permission to tell his mom.  He said ok.  I sent her a text message.  I heard nothing from her. It is possible she said nothing to him.  Another avoidant personality.  Not my type.

Sunday, May 5, 2024

 Sunday, May 5, 2024 

   I parked on the strip in front of the church instead of one of the parking spaces in the back or on the front lawn.  I proudly made my New York City parking moves to get a perfect parallel park: pull up, stop, turn the wheel, pull back, stop, and turn the wheel. All these moves get the car as close to the curb in a small space.  When I got out, I found I had ripped up the grass in the strip with my wheel-turning antics.  Oh, dear.  I’ve seen other spots torn up like that. I always wondered what some idiot did to create that mess. Now, I know.

  I gave Judy Darby’s information on the digital organ with a sounding board someone donated to a church south of us. Judy had asked me if Darby could provide the name of someone who could tune it. Darby said, “Have someone haul it to the dump!”  The digital ones are replaced by newer versions within years, but Darby also gave me two names. 

   I stopped at Costco for four items: Q-tips, salad, a tooth-whitening kit, and a battery-powered vacuum/broomstick. I raced around, but the only item I found was the salad. The lines were short, so  I checked out with one item.

  This morning, I had third-grade M. Something was clearly wrong. She was distant and disengaged. I opened a window on Google and talked about it. I hadn’t shared it with her, and she had said nothing. Wow! I didn’t use Stuart Little today. She needed a greater challenge. I was surprised by her poor reading fluency when she started reading. It got better with the second passage. 

  I did the Gating Game with Adolescent D today. In this game, I see the passage, but he doesn’t.  I reveal the following word in the passage, one letter at a time.  I started giving him clues as well as letters. Some clues are unrelated to the context; they are grammatical cues or definitions like synonyms or antonyms.

  Damon called while I was finishing up with D. He told me to call him back, but I knew better. I might miss him, and I love talking to him.

   I wrote about the problems created when someone demands perfection from themselves.  It’s a dead end.  If the goal is perfection, failure is guaranteed.    

   We’re in trouble if we are the perfectionist or we are connected to someone who is.    Whether the latter demands perfection from themselves as well as others is mostly beside the point.  They are brutal to those around them. They blow up easily when things don’t go their way.  They are genuinely distressed. 

   The perfectionist can be confused with the control freak. The control freak just wants to dominate. However, when I talked about surrendering the perfectionist stance, Adolescent D associated it with power. The perfect one had the right to dominate over others. Oh, boy! I wonder where he got that attitude from. 

Saturday, May 4, 2024

 Saturday, May 4, 2024

  I went for my morning walk early this morning and missed Dean and Nina. Dean dropped off a dozen eggs for  Darby, saying they were particularly beautiful. I delivered them later, telling her what Dean said about them.

   I spent some of the day in the yard, trimming the shrubs along the driveway.  To cut the tops, I climbed on a three-step stool.  Since the driveway is on a slope, it can be tricky.  I have to place the step stool so the shrubs support both of us. If it or I tilt over, the shrub will catch us.

   I got to work with the Twins today.  Twin A read on a low third-grade level.  Her fluency improved, and she did a good job articulating the main idea in the passage.  When I asked her a detailed question, she looked up in the air rather than reread the passage. That drives me nuts. Why do the kids do that? Is it because they have a history of poor reading and figure they’ll never find the information that way?  Do they think they’re supposed to know the answer?. 

  I meet with many of my students on Zoom. Twin A drives me nuts. She wanders around the house.  Even though she is improving, she hates working with me. I don’t take it personally. She hates working on reading. I can appreciate her feelings. When I feel I can’t do an adequate job, it is painful to try, too.

Friday, May 3, 2024

 Friday, May 3, 2024  

     This morning, I made it to the hula class Elaine told me about. I parked in the church parking lot and walked to the Ali’I Drive community center. I had been there for church events before the Grace Parish Center was built.  I walked to the back. That’s where I entered for church activities.  All the doors were locked. I didn’t see anyone inside.  Someone came from the waterfront. I thought she was looking for the class, too. I asked her where the entrance might be. “Probably around the front.”  I was anxious and didn’t say thank you. She snarled, “You’re welcome.” Oh, well.

   I found the front entrance clearly visible- in front of the building. The class hadn’t started yet.  Someone told me I had to sign in. When I did, I discovered I needed to sign up and pay at the Civic Center. The hula class was a course offered by the city for the kapunas (seniors).  I could participate today, but I should be signed up and paid by the next class. There were about 50 people in the class, all women, Hawaiian, Filipino, and haoli, white.

   The teacher gave me a shawl to tie around my hips.  Many of the women wore these unattractive skirts.  When I got home, I ordered one on Amazon.

   The teacher taught one move – the figure eight. She often had her back to us.  I followed other dancers who were familiar with the basic moves. Then, she continued leading the class in the dance Lovely Hula Hands.  I got some of the moves. I certainly added to my daily steps.  The dance requires the dancer to raise their arms high, sometimes above their shoulders and heads. Those moves were still a challenge for my left arm.  I was only ten months out from eight hours of surgery for an elbow reconstruction and a reverse shoulder replacement.  I rested my arms when it became too much and then picked it up again.

    I introduced an exercise I developed with Dominik in the 1980s to Adolescent D., the objective was to keep him engaged with the decoding process.  With Adolescent D, the aim is to force him to consider all the letters before concluding what the word is. 

    I learned something new today. When I did the exercise with Dominik, I learned that I make a guess with each letter.  If I give you a seven-letter word and then reveal each letter individually, observe what your mind does.   S- searching through all the words starting with S is daunting. I think my mind waits for the next letter.  Then there are two letters: SP.  Now that it narrows down the field, my mind throws up a bunch of words that start with SP but recognizes that none of them are long enough to fit the bill.  Now there’s a third letter SPE. Again, my mind does a random search for all the possible words. A few of them reach my conscious mind.  Then SPEC.  Hmm! Spectacular.  Too long. Spectacle. Also too long.  SPECI   Species??? Possible.  SPECIA  Ah, SPECIAL.   When working with Dominik, I was astounded when I guessed the word correctly well before I had all the letters.  Then, I realized that our poor readers make those guesses just as I do- a confirmed good reader. The difference is I insist I wait until I’ve seen the whole word.  I don’t impulsively grab at the first word my unconscious mind serves up.  I reject the initial suggestions.  Our poor readers don’t. 

   I meet with Jana on Zoom.  I met Jana through a volunteer tutoring program in LA. She asked me to mentor her.  She had a question about a student she started working with.  I can’t remember what she said about her problem, but I do remember I didn’t have enough information to draw a conclusion.  

   I asked her about a student she worked with last year.  She said his problems cleared up when she started using my methods with him. That was lovely to hear.

       I wondered about Campbell Scott, a lead actor in Royal Pains.   He plays the very powerful, rich, and dignified Boris on Royal Pains. As it turns out, he is the son of George C. Scott and Coleen Dewhurst. How’s that for inheriting a set of acting genes?  

Thursday, May 2, 2024

 Thursday, May 2, 2024

    I scheduled an early appointment with Jean, my friend,  to do the water meditation.  Jean introduced it. We’ve been doing it daily ever since. We knew we would never keep it up on our own. We share when we speak. Another source of wonderful support. Each friend has their own unique contribution. I am one lucky lady.

   Today, we had a limited time in the morning. I called Jean several times. No answer. Then the time expired. We miss it every once in a while.

    Today, I had my appointment with Dr. Reed. It is always good to see her. I made an appointment to check a hard lump in my left armpit. I was pretty sure it wasn’t cancerous, but I appreciated a doctor’s confirmation.

    It started as a sebaceous cyst thirty years ago. It became encapsulated. I rediscovered it periodically. This time, I was concerned because it was hard. By the time I had my appointment today, it was smaller.  I applied MakesNoClaims (Intrasound Gel) daily, and it shrank.  Another doctor once told me, “Cancer never gets smaller.” It was good to have Dr. Reed confirm my diagnosis, but she did have some concerning news for me.       

  “Did I notice my LDH had risen by 50 points?”  No, I hadn’t noticed that.  My LDH count is always high, but so is my HDH.  My ratio is always good.  Had I changed my diet?  Yes. After my accident, when I shattered my shoulder and my elbow in a fall, had eight hours of surgery, two weeks in the hospital, and another three weeks under twenty-four-hour home care, I stopped taking my smoothy drink every morning, where I added ground flax seed to the drink. That had disappeared from my diet. Yep, that could have done it. I must find ways to include flax seed in my diet, with or without the smoothy.

    I worked with twenty-six-year-old S. We worked on a new story. When I worked on one she had already read, she could use her memory to recall the words without decoding. With a new story, she had to rely on the letters alone. She had to decode. She did well except when she hit a blending problem. Again, I can’t get her to use cross-body blending. It occurred to me that maybe she wasn’t resistant because of her ego. Perhaps she was resistant because neurological irritation.  Crossing the midline may be the problem. I will have to check. 

   Today, I arrived at Ulu Wini before the school bus arrived, delivering the children who live in the low-income housing.   I got a bit of work done on the updates before the kids got there. As I was typing away, a man came by. “I’m Chantel’s husband, Josh. She talks about you, saying what a great teacher you are.”  It is good to hear explicit praise.  I don’t need a lot, but a sprinkling of it feels good. 

   Fifth-grade LY came and asked to work with me immediately. She reads with fair fluency on grade level. As we worked, it became apparent she could use some help decoding multi-syllable words. I don’t think this is taught explicitly in schools, but many kids need it.  I could have used explicit instruction when I was young. My reading improved when I learned how to do it as an adult and was already a decent reader.

   I had to call second-grade MI over to work with me.  She benefits from my work but doesn’t initiate it. She had no idea how to determine the value of the numerals from their place, in other words, place value. After two sessions, she could consistently identify the value of a numeral up to the hundreds place.  Then, we proceeded to addition without regrouping. She couldn’t count-on. That’s when you start with the large number and add-on, instead of counting from one, as in 6 + 2 (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8) versus 

(6, 7, 8).  Today, we started with addition with regrouping. Not a clue: 75+ 15= 810. Back to the drawing board.  

   This poor girl has problems going blank when she doesn’t understand what someone is saying. Adolescent D had that problem. His was so bad I thought he should be checked for epilepsy.  But it’s past now. He doesn’t do it with me anymore and reports not doing it at school.

  After working for a while, I asked her if she wanted to stop. She was hesitant to answer. I think the kids think I’m setting a trap for them, and they’re supposed to answer, “No, I’d just love to continue.”  I tell them it is as essential to know when you can’t take in any more information as it is to pay attention for as long as you can.  Ingesting information is much like ingesting food; you can consume only so much in one sitting.

   I met with 2nd grade JTHA.  Wow! I saw a tremendous improvement in her reading. She took her time with each word, decoding it accurately.  I can appreciate how counterintuitive it is to work slowly so you can go faster. But that’s the way it works.

   Third-grade PH asked to work with me as I was packing up. I stopped to read with her. She just wanted to read to me, and she didn’t welcome any instruction. 

  Taisha from Provision Solar called. My under-the-roof and racks were all good and could be used to install the new 400 panels, replacing the 35-300 panels. She also said there was a change in HELCO’s return policy.  Currently, the energy points I garnered expire every month.  With the new policy, they would expire at the end of the year, although the percentage of return per kwh would be less.  Taisha said she thought this would be the better deal.  She said I could add additional panels, too. Before, La’a had told me I couldn’t do that. I was permitted to have a given number of KWHs.I would be higher than the permit allowed if I got twenty-five 400 panels to replace my 25 300.

    On my evening walk tonight, Lutz commented on my improved gait.I have been pushing through more with my right leg.  It means more significant involvement of my right glutes and stretch of my right psoas. I feel stronger with this small mechanical adjustment.

    In the evening, I continued watching Royal Pains on Netflix and uploading my entries to Blogger.com.

Wednesday, May 1, 2024

 Wednesday, May 1, 2024

  I huggled with Elsa before I get out of bed. This routine started with me walking to the other side of the bed and massaging and kissing her. Now, I call her over to lie beside me. We spoon. I rubbed her down, and then we just lay there. It's lovely to have something in my life that tolerates affection. Elsa does more than tolerate it. She's downright promiscuous. She walks up to people we meet when walking and demands to be petted. Nina and Gail depend on it. They greet her joyfully.  Elsa is like her mom, me, friendly.

 Today was Cylin's birthday!! I sent her a voicemail birthday greeting. I said, "You didn't answer because you knew what was in store. Here it comes!" I sang an improvised version of the version Mike and I sang. I sound like an animal in pain, but it's fun. I think some others find it entertaining. But probably not the musically sensitive—like Judy.

   Yesterday was Judy's birthday. I never got a chance to speak to her in person. Today, I asked her if she got my voicemail. She couldn't remember until I reminded her I sang to her. "Oh, yeah. I was so unbearable I turned it off after two bars." Some don't think it's funny. Oh, well. I can't win them all. Note to self: Don't sing Happy Birthday to Judy next year.

    I had trouble last night dealing with my negative voice. When it takes over, it destroys me.   When I woke up around 2 am, it started up. I recognize it now as an addiction. I refused to cooperate with the psychic demand. I grabbed my phone. The Tapping App was up and working again. I put on the sleep tape I like and fell back to sleep. It is so clear that I am deliberately upsetting myself.  This is how I lived when I was a child. I was constantly anticipating not just criticism, but criticism with a percussive delivery. It was like being tasered every time. I have presented my mother's style to people. They all jump and say, "Don't do that to me."  

   I recently criticized Steve Peters's take on the relationship between the prefrontal lobes and the limbic system, identifying humanness strictly with the prefrontal lobe. From his perspective, the limbic system, the chimp brain, is not part of the human being. Nuts to that idea. However, his paradigm helped me to separate myself from the hysteria generated by my limbic system and to control it.  

   People set boundaries in different ways. Some couples live with domains of power. It could be that each has a domain of control and the other has veto rights. I prefer a situation where at least some of the decisions are negotiated at the moment.  

   I thought Mike needed more control than I did.  We'd get out of the car, and I would have to hand him the keys so he was sure I didn't lose them.  I don't think I ever lost the keys. But he needed that to feel better, so I gave them to him. If I treated him like he treated me, he'd take offense. I was treating him like an incompetent. I didn't react badly to his behavior toward me. I knew it was his problem, and he gave me enough love and respect in other contexts that this was a mere blip on the radar. We had a system that honored each others' boundaries, and I knew I could rely on it. We were both raised by mothers who had zero respect for our boundaries. So, being able to ask someone to stop whatever they were doing was paramount for both of us. We could express our needs and have them honored. Honoring them didn't mean giving us what we wanted; it meant treating those needs with respect. 

   What is the opposite of that? When someone criticizes you for wanting something the other person is uncomfortable addressing, that dishonors the need and the person.  Or attacking a person's character; never do that. How's that for a simple rule. Especially don't use character assignation as a response when someone asks you for something you don't want to give. A simple no would suffice. Of course, the nay-sayer has to deal with being a bad person in their own eyes if they buy into the self-sacrifice for others paradigm. Bad paradigm. 

   I prefer a different paradigm. Sacrificing yourself to prove to yourself and others that you're a 'good person' is just as evil as being self-centered. All actions are selfish. Wiping yourself out inevitably backfires. Nah, I can't say that 100%. There are circumstances that demand some form of sacrifice. Usually, they're ones you have to make, or you wouldn't be able to live with yourself.

    I observed some people set boundaries with broad strokes. They never put themselves in a social situation that doesn't afford a quick exit. Suppose they are in a situation where someone makes them uncomfortable. Rather than letting the person know their feelings, they completely cut them out of their life. They can't ask for what they want or say no to what they don't want except through control of the circumstances. It makes intimacy difficult. 

   I finally figured out Adolescent D's problem. He's a perfectionist.  I spoke to him about it today. He said everyone wants to be perfect. He even saw it as a way of making oneself dominant in a social situation. I think perfectionism is a form of mental illness. Anyone who says they should be right at all times will be hoisted on their own petard.  

   If perfect is your goal, you will always be a failure. You'll inevitably fail when you evaluate your accomplishment by the standard of perfection. If your life goals are good enough and better, you can see a positive outcome and success. Perfectionism is always a dead end.

   Remarkably, D listed a number of things he'd handed in lately that were incomplete or not perfect. He also praised himself for the poem he wrote, where the other day, he condemned the people who praised him for doing so over something that was easy.  Wow! Wow! and Wow! If he can make this change, he will be home free. 

  Sandor stopped by. I had his name on my schedule and then forgot about it. He was coming to help me with tech problems, and I had been looking forward to his help. I didn't remember the appointment even when I heard his voice calling from the side door. He said, "Can I come in?"  I actually told him to wait. I wanted to check who it was. Wow! How's that for a mental lapse? This is a new low. 

   However, I see my mind regaining its sharpness when doing the morning puzzles, Wordle, NY Times mini, and Connections. I've heard several times it takes at least a year to recover from anesthesia, and I had eight hours of it.

   Sandor solved my problem on blogger.com. I post last year's update on blogger daily.   I wound up with two blogger sites under the same name. One through Safari has close to 63,000 hits. The one through Chrome has close to 100,000. The one on Safari hasn't had a new entry since June 16, 2022, and people are still reading it. It's one or two here and there and the occasional bot where over 1,000 show up for one day and not again for six months.  The numbers are high because English teachers have discovered it and require their students to read it.  

   The recent updates are on the Chrome site. When I paste the entry into the new post, an image window pops up and doesn't allow me to download the full text. Sandor spent half an hour to an hour trying to figure it out. He found out the problem comes from Microsoft, not Blogger.com. They tried to fix it but couldn't. Sandor found a workaround. I should post the solution on YouTube myself.

   When he finished, he stayed and worked on the church bulletin. We worked together on our own in silence. I love that type of companionship. It is what I miss most about Mike.  

Tuesday, April 30, 2024

 Tuesday, April 30, 2024

  I had a good night's sleep.  I had no agitation, and I slept well until 4:30 a.m.  When I saw Dean and Nina on my morning walk with Elsa, they updated me on the progress of their chickens.  One is definitely a rooster. They wanted to have four of those guys with the rest hens. They expect a shipment of 18 baby chicks by the end of the week. Nine of them are replacements for the ones that died. The rest are a new order. They are going to have quite a flock. 

   It was an Ulu Wini day. When I arrived, they warned me it was 'store day.'  I assumed they meant it was a day for free food distribution. I didn't understand why this would affect my work with the kids, but ok. It wasn't free food day; it was the day the kids could pick out toys. They built up points for service. Fifth-grade Rosemita had the most points. The kids were excited, but a number were anxious to work with me.

   5th grade M was sitting at the table set up for my work when I arrived. She wanted to work with a group of her friends instead of alone. I understood her desire, but the needs of the children were too diverse to make that possible.  As it wound up, I could have included at least one more girl in the class.  I  had M read a grade-level passage and then tell me what it was about. Oh, boy. Way off. She picked a few words from the passage, and that was it.  I asked her if she visualized the meaning of the words as she read. No, of course not.  There are many reasons for this; being unable to visualize was not one for her. When I asked her if she could visualize her room when her mom told her to clean it, she said yes.  The kids work so hard to read the words and cope with the unfamiliar vocabulary and sentence structure that they have no brain power left to focus on the meaning.  

   The vocabulary and sentence structure are unfamiliar for two reasons. First, English is not their parent's native language. Second, they don't hear complex language, even in their parents' native language. They would need help understanding a unique complex sentence in their language, no less in English.   I worked with her on visualizing the meaning of the words in the sentence.   I can do that with at least two or three students at a time.

   Next, I worked with 2nd grade TC. She reported a dramatic improvement in her reading.  Whereas last time she read Reading Roots 11-13, today she read 26.  The text is mostly one-syllable words with a lot of repetition. Her reading was much better. She didn't once guess a word based on its first letter. She took the time to decode each word and read at a fairly good clip.  Did my work really make that difference?  I know I'm good, but I'm even skeptical that the difference could be from something I did. Surely, the teachers at school continued to help her. My gift is to diagnose and address the problem's root cause.

   The last time I worked with third-grade SP, he was so hyper I couldn't get anything done. He was much better today.  He wanted to work on a story he had read before because he could rely on memory. I pushed decoding. He could retain the sound of a phoneme as he blended. His blending skills were good.  He prefers not to decode because he can't read fluently.

   I find third-grade LE challenging to work with. He's defensive to the point of hostile. He will be a troubled teen and trouble for everyone else. However, his word recognition is good at a low level.  He read the material at a third-grade level reasonably well, if somewhat haltingly. When I asked him what he wanted to work on, he said reading louder.  I had him read one of the stories from Reading Roots on a first-grade level. His reading was smooth and loud enough.  I concluded that he mumbles when he reads to the teacher at grade level because he can't read smoothly, and he's covering for his lack. He doesn't have enough practice at grade level with multi-syllabic words. I hope he comes back so I can help him overcome this minor obstacle.

   I was packing up to go home when I spotted second-grade MI. She's the one I've been helping with math. I called her over. She groaned but came.  I reviewed the place values. The last time I worked with her, lining up numbers for addition on the vertical confused her. We solved this problem today. Maybe I'd better say we made substantial improvement. She asked me to give her another addition problem to identify the place value of all the numerals.  Then, at the end of the session, she became confused again. I hope this doesn't turn her off completely.  I discovered today that she didn't know how to use counting-on. I showed her how. She could do it immediately. She may forget it just as fast. We'll see.

   MI has a problem similar to the one Adolescent D used to have; she blanks out and disappears into space.  He did it so frequently that I thought he should be checked for epilepsy.  He denied he was frightened.  MI denies it, too. Neither can handle the discomfort of not knowing what the teacher is talking about. Well, the more they absent themselves, the further behind they fall, the worse they feel.  What a dilemma. 

   I rediscovered Royal Pains on Netflix a week ago.  I saw it a while ago.  I thought it was pretty silly.  It's a story about rich, beautiful people living in luxury. I needed something light to counterbalance my bad moods. I enjoyed it more with each episode rather than less.  I love the addition of Paige's character and the relationship between Evan and her. They look like what I understand a loving couple to be.  The medical stuff is almost silly. No matter the emergency, Hank always pulls the right equipment out of his bag for the occasion or McIvers a solution. I binge on the series when feeling low. 

Monday, April 29, 2024

 Monday, April 29, 2024

  One hell of a night. God, I felt terrible. Grief. Fear. Over-all anxiety. I think this is what Mike felt all the time. That's why he risked his health with the above-prescribed norms of anti-anxiety medication. I was concerned about it.  He said he would rather be dead than live with those feelings.  I understand perfectly. 

   This is the way I felt after my father died in March of 1956 until I left my mother's house for college in September of 1958.  I didn't have one good night's sleep. Fear dominated me. I had lost my protector.

  You might ask why I took her into my home at the end of her life.  Good question. I have good answers.  I loved my mother.  She was crazy but she allowed a select few to love her, my dad, my sister and me- and she was loveable the way a young child is loveable , regardless of what they do. 

  Shortly after Mike and I got together,  I took time off from my relationship with my mom, aware that it might be a permanent separation. I wrote her a letter telling her I had been afraid of her all my life and had tried everything else. This was my last resort. 

   In that letter, I also told her I dreamed of a situation where I would live communally, and she would be living there, too.  I saw her sitting on a slope with children running around her.

   Several months after she received the letter, my mom called to tell me she forgave me for what I said in my letter. She was old and would see me again.  See the problem? Zero concern for my thoughts and feelings. Zero. I told her I wasn't ready yet. That stung. But if I hadn't done that, taking her in the last 18 years of her life would have been out of the question. Mike would never have allowed it. I would never have allowed it.

   Besides impressing upon her that I was an independent agent over which she didn't have control, I did something else.  In my mind, I set a limit to how much criticism or insult I would tolerate. The number was three. If she exceeded the limit, I would make an excuse to leave with plans of coming back again. I learned this from my meditation retreats.  The meditation leader would say, "Start again! Start again!"  

   The final piece, which may have been the most important, was how Mike dealt with her behavior.  On our first visit to her home, when I introduced Mike to her, there was a determining incident. I needed to nap. I went up to my old bedroom to lie down. Mike, knowing exactly what my mom would do (tear me a new one for being rude), came up to the bedroom, pulled out the desk chair, turned it to face the head of the bed, sat in it, opened a book, and read. The message was clear.  My mom didn't attack me when my dad was around, and she wouldn't with Mike there. At some level, she knew it was inappropriate. She was just too damaged to control her worst impulses. Having someone who made it clear he wouldn't accept her behavior protected me and her from her worst impulses.

    I didn't do gentle yoga this morning because I planned to do Turtle Chi Qigong on the beach at Old A at 8 am.  I spoke to Jean, my Hanai sister, and Carol, an old friend, during my morning walk. Jean told me of the first meeting of the political discussion group she organized with a similarly inclined next-door neighbor.   Eight people showed up today. The decision was to table the Israeli/Gaza situation to avoid conflict.  They would start with health care. 

  One of the attendees at the meeting was in the healthcare business and agreed to make a presentation. Two participants were journalists, one was a Nobel Prize winner, and the others all held advanced academic degrees. This high-end retirement community is right outside Princeton. Need I say more? I was thrilled this was working out. Hopefully, they won't fall into the spirit of the zeitgeist; my way is the only way, and I'm prepared to kill or die for it. What a nightmare world we're living in!

   When I got home,  I called the solar warranty company. Could I send in my agreement form via email? Yes. I signed it and sent it in. It will be a good deal. It will at least cover the replacement of the old system that hasn't been working too well. I got a batch of bad panels, and ten of the twenty-five already needed replacement.  It's a great deal since the panels I will be getting will be a newer variety than the ones I originally installed and were replaced with similar ones.  The old ones were 300-something; the newer ones were 400-something. There's only one company currently even making 300s.  I'll get another good ten years out of the new babies.

    I wasn't expecting the Qigong to be good.  The man who had been leading it left for six months. He and his wife are snowbirds in Hawaii.   The fellow who was going to lead it didn't look like he knew what he was doing and didn't do the moves particularly well.  I had a wonderful time!  He did different exercises than the previous leader. The woman beside him could help him when he ran into trouble. She could have led the class.  We did a few movements and repeated them sixty-six times.  It was wonderful. I could get into the movements.

   I got a message from twenty-six-year-old S that she was sick and couldn't meet with me this morning. I got the message before I left the beach. I took advantage of the found time and sat at a picnic bench under a tree and watched the waves for an hour.  

  While I sat there, I called to make a same-day appointment with our beloved Dr. Reed. The woman is a fantastic doctor and person. She is so kind and loving.  She's on reduced hours now because she wants to spend more time with her new baby. It was supposed to be a same-day appointment. When she had nothing available that day, I thought I would 

have to call again on another day. No, the clerk gave me an appointment for Thursday morning at 8:20.  

    I went to Target next. I wanted to buy a loaf of Dave's bread and a cucumber.  I checked out the sales on frozen food and wound up with a $42 bill.  When I went to check out, I looked at each counter, looking for Judy, who works there starting this week. She's doing much better at this job than her job at Costco as a food demo worker. There, she had to stand in one spot with little movement. On the Target checkout line, she is in constant motion. At Costco, she had to woo people to try the wares. At Target, she just enjoys her contact with people as they checkout. This is wonderful.

   I went home after Target and sat down to write the above. Writing helps me. It's not what I say; it's just putting thoughts into words.  I enjoy the craft when I'm not avoiding it concerned, I will never find the words.

Sunday, April 28, 2024

Sunday, April 28, 2024

   Elsa doesn’t have lesions anymore. Since I started using Royal Canine Ultima instead of Science Diet, her skin has been golden. I don’t have to check her for lesions anymore. Now, I just hug her and pet her. I give her a good body rub with plenty of hugs and kisses. It’s good for me, and she seems to enjoy them. 

      I chose Saturday for my weekly application of the renewal lotion to my eyes. My God, this stuff really works. Someone said I looked ten years younger.  The wrinkles under my eyes are much less, even if it does make the black lines more visible. The applicator works with a pumping motion. I pumped and pumped. Nothing. I thought, ”I got a dud. The applicator is empty.” But, just in case, I packed it into my purse to check with Paulette when I saw her at church.

   When I saw her, I told her the problem. Before I got it out of my purse, she asked, “Did you take the lid off?”  Lid??? What lid??  Sure enough. I had left it on. I had a good laugh. I see differences in my mental processing that I hadn’t when I was younger. I don’t consider as many options as I once did.  I don’t consider the impact of an action beyond the immediate as much. When I do, my range is less.  It’s weird. I’ve been someone who makes wild connections and considers the impact to the 10th degree. No more. Well, maybe just less.

   While I sat there laughing, Monica came up to say hello. She asked why I was laughing. I told her. She told me her own story. When she was in her twenties, she had a funny experience. She was filling the gas tank on her parents’ new car. She was standing with the nozzle in the car. Another car that looked like her parents’ car pulled away. She panicked, thinking he was stealing her car.  We both had a good laugh.  

  Third-grade M was in a weird space today. She participated, but she dialed in from a remote location. I would spend several minutes showing her a video to help her understand a vocabulary word without putting the visual image on Share, and she said nothing.

    There was a reference to a ‘tug,’ meaning a tugboat. I figured M wouldn’t have any idea what one was. Again, she let me ramble on, showing videos and explaining what they do. Then she said she was on one. What??!! Her dad’s job has something to do with the port in Hilo. Of course, they use tugs to help bring the boats safely to the docks. She knew more about tugs than I did.

  I had a session with Adolescent D. He chose coding over reading aloud. He did all the coding independently while I just observed. The only mistake he consistently makes is in identifying the Vowel-Consonant—e (VCe) pattern. He’ll split the base word into two syllables and identify the silent e as sounded.

   I asked if I could use him as a reference if I advertised my tutoring service at his school.  He said, “No, thank you.”  I still have never seen his face on Zoom. He is the most hidden person I have ever met. Nah, I think I know some people who are just as bad. It’s just they have a better social face.

Saturday, April 27, 2024

 Saturday, April 27, 2024

 

  When I saw Dean this morning, I asked if there were any big logs from the Shefflera.  No, only skinny branches. The tree had been cut back before. That massive growth was all suckers. Dean only got skinny branches two buckets of twigs with leaves attached. We both thought they would be bigger branches. Instead of killing off the stump, Dean suggested cutting back each year. Have to clear the area around stump so I can walk safely, get to the stump and do what I can to kill it.

   I picked up the empty trash can from Darby and reloaded it immediately. I think I’m caught up. First I had to get rid of all the fronds the gardener had dumped. Now I was working on all the fronds that have fallen since they were last here.

   I spent time checking out all the skin care products I bought.  I have to work out a schedule of application.

   When I spoke to Jean, my friend in Arizona today, she complained about a killer headache. I offered to do healing on her.  I started the pullouts at her forehead. This is the first time I have done a healing since my operations on my elbow and shoulder.  The sensitivity in my left hand is reduced. I couldn’t feel the energy coming out. I thought I might be because of the numbness caused by nerve damage. Then I thought to do a release from the vertebrae just below her cervical spine. Bingo! I felt a lot of energy come out and her headache was gone. My hand was just fine. Now, that was fun.

   The other day, when I offered Dan my cordless electric drill for drilling the holes in the freshly cut trees to apply the Stump Out to kill the remainder of the trees. I brought my recently purchase unused cordless drill to him.  I said, “I can’t get the cord out.”  He said that was the charger, not the battery.  I concluded they hadn’t put a battery in the package. Okay, I found the battery sitting on my counter.  Duh!  I expected the charger to hold the battery and didn’t recognize the charger was that little thing I plugged into it. If it had been just a cord I would have been okay.  I had a good laugh.

   Yvette wasn’t up for a walk this evening. She wasn’t  feeling well. She suspected food poisoning.  On that note:  I popped a frozen dinner in the microwave then opened the frig looking for a kombucha. There I saw the fresh poke I bought at Costco on Thursday. When I opened it, the smell told me it wasn’t so fresh anymore.  It was a $21 impulse buy. I knew I couldn’t eat all of it in one sitting. I figured I’d eat in over a few days and then forgot about it.  I risked eating some of it. While I did, I wondered if I would be down with food poisoning. I was just too cheap to throw it out immediately.  I did throw out after I ate a bit.  It wasn’t going to be in better shape the next day.