Wednesday, January 8th, 2020

    When I arrived at yoga, everyone asked how I was doing. It was a dancing day. I was in A1 condition.

    I was exhausted after Bikram. Even though I was lying down, I worked very hard. Many of the moves feel like reverse pushups; I’m lying on my back pushing against the floor with every part of my body that makes contact: heels, hips, shoulders, head, arms, and hands.  It provides an intense workout.  After class, Heather said my alignment was the best she had seen so far.

    Heather has been standing over me, making small corrections, particularly with my head, which tilts to one side. Usually, the head tilt correction is only a minor correction in my head. It also feels weird; I made a face at Heather, indicating my doubt about the validity of her correction.  We laughed.  Over the last two days, there has been a difference.  I can now initiate a spinal change with a change in my neck and head position. When I move it, I can feel a change go down to my shoulders and then down to the very bottom of my spine.  It means something has opened up. Fantastic! 

    I went home immediately to get ready for my appointment with Shelly, my therapist. We talked about the world situation. I am actively frightened by the prospect of war.  I think some of that fear is because I disagree with Trump’s action, which I don’t. (I wouldn’t trust the man to pick out toilet paper for me. I think there is something seriously wrong with him.) But I’m frightened because I believe that the war can have a direct impact on my life. Very selfish, I know.  I worry about the Iranians and Iraqis too, but my first concern is for myself.  I anticipate real trouble out here in the mid-Pacific, far from any other body of land, completely dependent on imported food.  We may all be starving to death soon.  

    I had a long talk with Dorothy.  We were still looking at the antique linens from my mom, including linen napkins from her trousseau. She decided she didn’t want any more.  The stuff is amazing, but she says she’ll never use the things. I understand perfectly.  My next stop was Karin and David, asking them if they want any of this.  Having read that these linens are available, Shivani wrote to say that she would like to look at whatever is left over after Dorothy and Karin have had their pickings.  Wonderful!  I am so happy I wrote about this. Maybe others out there would like some of it after Shivani has taken what she wants. I didn’t think anyone who didn’t have a connection to my mom would care about the stuff. See, what do I know?

    Now war hasn’t been fought on American soil since the Civil War. Many Americans think it is impossible. But my parents lived through WWI in Germany, and my maternal grandparents lived through WWII there.  I have a more definite sense of what war means.  I was alive during WWII.  We had enough to eat to keep us alive. No one needs all we have now to survive or even be content with their daily life. 

    I had some plans to go to school between twelve and one since I missed yesterday. Instead, I lay down for a nap, bundled up in sweat pants and a sweatshirt, and slept the afternoon away.  A few days ago, I started washing the kitchen floor.  One third is done. The other two-thirds are waiting patiently.

    Damon wrote me the other day that he is planning to come out from February 12th- 17th. He asked me to check with Fr. Lio if that would be an excellent time to inter Mike.  I called Brenda this morning to ask her to speak to Fr. Lio.  I will know by tomorrow.

    The first anniversary of Mike’s collapse is rapidly approaching.  Besides being hard to face that moment again, I want to launch the blog publicly by then.  It seems if I wait much longer, there won’t be much point. A friend has offered to help me and did help me set up a blog name, but he is vastly overcommitted and really couldn’t find the additional time to help me launch it.  I am asking my grandson if he can do it for me.  He’ll be coming out in February with his dad and mom, but I want it done before January 24th, the date of his pancreatic attack. 

    I tried to find “The Good Place” on the TV tonight. No luck! I wound up with a Netflix show called “Virgin River.”  When I went to bed, I lay in bed with my body pounding with anxiety and anger.  I did all sorts of meditations, and nothing worked.  I prayed and asked Jesus to remove this anger from me.  I finally fell asleep.