Saturday, May 6, 2023

 Saturday, May 6, 2023

I slept well until two am; I was restless after that. I thought of things I had done wrong in my life,  mostly of how I have upset others in big and little ways. I found it interesting that no such thoughts occurred to me in my relationships with Mike or my Mom. That's not to say I hadn't done things upsetting for them. It's impossible not to bruise those around us. But those relationships ended on a good note, and we developed ways to reconcile when we bumped into each other. That does not mean we did it perfectly; it was just good enough.

This morning, for the first time, I had a yen for seeing something different than I usually see- a desire for travel. I never had that before. My life has never been smaller than it is now, and it's not okay without the companionship Mike provided. However, for a small world, I couldn't be luckier. I have my work, tons of loose relationships, and a few deeper ones. I have a view of the Pacific Ocean and am surrounded by nature. I didn't and still don't understand the value of running from pillar to post to see sights. Mike loved it. Too bad he was stuck with me. 

Some of my regrets are over relationships I terminated because I couldn't stand how they treated their children. I was attracted to women who had some traits like my mom. It was difficult for me to take. Sometimes, those people did things to me, but none of them rejected me. 

To be comfortable with someone, I need a certain level of connection and reconciliation strategies. I need openness and honesty. My mom and I accommodated each other with open deceit. How does that work? My mother said she needed me not to do something. I told her I wouldn't talk about it and lie to her about it. She was good with that. We laughed together about it. Now, that was a sweet reconciliation.  

I was supposed to have Mama K's crew at nine am. I signed in, but they did not. I called Mama K.  Could we reschedule? The whole family was paddling. 

Paddling is huge in Hawaii. Not just because it's a great workout but because it is part of the cultural heritage of the Hawaiian people. The paddling class for the kids was three hours in the morning, and for the adults, three hours in the afternoon. They would be at the beach the whole day. I get frustrated with Mama K because she doesn't prioritize their education. She has them at the beach as much as she possibly can. I can understand it because there are as many as five adults and five children in a relatively small house. Getting out must be a priority. 

She said we could do the session by phone wherever they are. I didn't want to do it the other day because they were driving in a car full of people. It didn't feel good to me. I need to focus on the student the whole time. It would be harder for me and the student to do the session in front of an audience. Mama K interpreted that to mean I didn't want to do a Zoom session over the phone. No. Just not in a moving car filled with people. We arranged to meet again at three pm when the kids finished their lessons.

I started with fourth grade K, doing Phase I of The Phonics Discovery System. I said the word; he had to determine the number of bounces (syllables) in the word, then say each syllable separately, and finally identify the sounds (phonemes) in the syllable. K struggled with this. He was having more trouble learning it than Kindergarten S was. After completing a sentence with that process, I had him read the passage and tell me what it was about. He needs to learn how to decode meaning from language. If he doesn't have the information in his head already, he's sunk. I have my work cut out for me.

 I also did Phase I with Twin A and Twin E. A is now reading a passage at a high second-grade level. She is still struggling with this, which involves decoding longer words.        Twin E does the best job with Phase I of the three, even though she is still on a pre-primer reading level. She reverses letters.   I asked her if the letters moved around on the page or in her head. First, she said no. Later, she said that whole words move around on the page. I have to pursue this further. 

      I remembered I hadn't charged the car when I got home yesterday because there was so little sun. I like to charge the car when I can get electricity from the solar panels instead of the grid. I couldn't get the door to the port open. Yikes! Another problem. If I couldn't charge the car, it wouldn't function as an electric car and may not be usable for travel across Saddle Road with its steep hills.  

I was supposed to go to Hilo on Sunday with B to see his grandson in a production of Moana Jr at the High School. We were going to take my car because it uses less gas. If I couldn't charge it, there was no way it would make it across Saddle Road with its steep power-guzzling hills. B offered to come up and see what he could do with the door. I was concerned about forcing it and breaking it.  

I went out for my before-dinner walk with Elsa. We ran into Lutz. He offered to take a look at the car. I made it clear to him that I didn't want the door forced. If he broke it, it wouldn't be covered by the warranty. He had it open. He shifted something in the door. He showed me how it moved back and forth. I stuck the charger into the port immediately. I never charge the car at night when all the electricity comes from the grid, but I need it ready to drive on Sunday afternoon.