Sunday, December 1, 2024

Sunday, December 1, 2024

 

    I left the house for my morning walk shortly after 5, finishing my morning exercises. I texted Joseph, saying I would be ready to leave for church by 8 a.m. I laid out my clothes and organized the things I would need to attend the sound bath event at the Unity Church. 

   I originally planned to hitch a ride with Paulette to Unity in the old industrial area, but I decided to walk. I had a hat and thought I should be fine, but it was more taxing than I thought.

    It was 10:30 when I set out. The sun was already bearing down. I wore the shawl I brought over my shoulders for some protection.  I sought shaded areas as much as I could. I found some shortcuts. It was still stressful.  My right thigh started hurting the way the left leg used to before the hip replacement. It didn't usually bother me.  I think it was in response to the stress I felt rather than it being a turning point signaling it was time to get my second hip replacement.  I completed over 5,000 steps getting there, a good two-mile walk. It took about an hour.

   I made it there in time to get something to eat as Diane was clearing up from the potluck contributions.  I had two servings of a homemade salad and one good-sized slice of guava cake from Costco. It was all delicious.

    I caught sight of Clyde and asked if he was still prepared to give me a lift home. He said yes. When Diane learned I lived in the Palisades, she said she would drive me home. It was on her way.  She was the last one out the door.  She spent time after everyone else left, moving a few things. She explained she was preparing the space for the Marshallese church service.  Attendance to the Unity Church had dropped. They welcomed the additional income their church brought in. It meant Diane had to return at four to open the church and then close it after they were through. Sometimes, she stayed during the service. She said it was a lively event.

    While I waited for Diane, I asked one of the women who served as a volunteer healer during the sound bath event to do some healing on me.  Her energy was good. While she worked on me, she spoke to a young woman, telling her she had good healing energy, and she provided healing wherever she went, whatever she did. She apologized to me for the distraction. I was okay with it.

Given that I am a trained healer who has charged money for it, I was pleased with myself that I had no reaction when she praised someone else's gift and didn't acknowledge mine.  So far, I had said nothing to anyone about being a trained healer.  However, the woman working on me possibly sensed my energy. People in the field often do.

   Not only did she say nothing about it, she wound up slamming me. She said I was really cool, did I know I was?  Yes. I've been told often enough in my close to 84 years that I was different. Sometimes, it's a compliment, and sometimes, not so much.  Cool and unique are positive comments; excentric is neutral, and weird is negative. Being outstanding, for either good or bad reasons, has its downside.  I thought she was referring to my strengths. Ha! Not at all. She was referring to the ease with which I say what's on my mind. She made it clear that while some took offense, some liked this trait in me. it seemed pretty clear to me she wasn't one of my fans.  The irony was I had plenty of thoughts I didn't share with her.

    The weird thing was I felt comfortable with a low profile in this community. I was comfortable with the most mundane of exchanges. I had a few moments where I stood out.  The first time I participated in the Chi Qigong session, Roger, the dedicated Chi Qigong instructor, introduced a more complicated set of moves than he had done before. I focused on doing them. He came up to me afterward and commented on how well I did.  With my dance background, it would come more easily.

    Then, I did a reading session with his wife. She was also a healer.  I do not know what she thought of me, but it was more intimate contact than others. Then, there were the conversations I had with Clyde.  We were usually the only two at the beach for the Chi Qigong and spent some time chatting. He often lavished me with praise.  I wasn't particularly invested in it. Instead, it made me somewhat uncomfortable.  I like it when people enjoy what I am. They can even state they like this or that about me. But I don't care for it when that evaluation sounds like a comparison to others. That's where judgment comes in. 

    I wondered why that healer picked up on my directness. I had only once manifested that trait with this group of people.  I was in conversation with one of the participants, who was a massage therapist. I told her about my shoulder replacement. She assured me she could get the full range of motion. That alarmed me. I've been told by the doctor and the PT that would never happen. The mechanism could shift if the arm was forced, and I'd be in big trouble. I told her I didn't feel comfortable being forced. She said she never pushed. I told her she was pushing me right now. She finally backed off.  Others would have found a way to escape or tolerate that situation without being direct.  Maybe someday, I'll learn how to do it, too. That was the only occasion where my directness showed up.  It is possible the healer actually sensed something in me.  I don't know what it is that people see in me that alerts them to this trait when I've done nothing yet.  I had never had a conversation with that woman.  Did she overhear something? Worse yet, had Clyde been singing my praises, alienating me from everyone.

   Clyde is vulnerable to admiration.  I can imagine he thinks it's a good thing when people admire you.  A modicum of admiration is nice. But when it's more than mild seasoning in a relationship, I have only had bad experiences with it. it stirs up envy and negative self-evaluation in others. Someone who induces that feeling is not someone anyone likes.  We all like to hang with people who are merely human like the rest of us. Fr. Boyle says the greatest gift we can give to someone is kinship, knowing we are all in it together, each with his strengths and weaknesses. 

   While I felt okay during the healing session with everything, I felt very sad later on, not only did the healer not recognize my gifts, she only saw me in a negative light. However, I did get benefits from the session. She fixed my discomfort in my right leg. I observed myself as unreactive when she lavishly praised someone else and ignored my similar gifts. I felt good about that.