Tuesday, September 24, 2024

 Tuesday, September 24, 2024

   I was feeling much better.  I didn't need more rest.  If anything, I was too rested, which interfered with my good night's rest.  I started the day with a review of the We Both Reached For the Gun dance tutorial.  The choreography is simple and within my physical reach, except for the high kick. Nonetheless, I struggled. 

    I haven't challenged my coordination skills in years except for the Hulu lessons. This is good exercise for my brain as well as my body. If I do it, I want to video it and put it on YouTube with my age—84. How's that for an Internet challenge?

  Last week, I heard from a new client. A therapist on Oahu recommended me. I was in the middle of a Covid episode and was not up to starting with a new client that day. I wrote the mother on Monday morning saying I was feeling better and she should call me.  I had a bad reaction when I didn't hear from her immediately. The schools are making it hard for anyone other than their officially approved tutors to get work. While the change of focus in reading from Whole Language to a more phonics-based approach is good, they will only tolerate their phonics program.  They've flipped from one rigidity to another.

On the other hand, I'm not my own best advocate.  I read ads and see how hard people work to put their information out there.  I shrink from the task. It feels humiliating.  My rational mind understands otherwise, but it doesn't get me over the speed bump of my resistance.  

   I mowed the large lawn this morning. It gets me moving. I don't have enough physical, mental, or social activity. I feel schwa and eh! It's not a good feeling. 

   I started listening to a new Kingsolver novel this morning, Animal Dreams.  I'm a great fan of her work, maybe too much of a fan. I can listen to her compulsively.  I can do exercise, gardening, and housekeeping when I listen to the book on Audible, but I can't write.  I find writing more soothing for my wasted feeling than reading.  Some of my friends are like me; they can't conceive of being happy with a life filled with reading books, listening to music, and watching TV. God, it feels like a total waste. 

   Tonight, I regaled Joseph, my tenant, with my tutoring war stories, my great achievements and conquests.  I do love solving these problems. I like the process of thinking about them as much as I do solving them.  While I get some satisfaction from knowing I help a student, I enjoy finding a solution to the problem more.  I know I worry about a student's suffering when they struggle.

I look forward to helping them out of their current situation. But once I've done what I can and know the child's life is generally better for it, I get little lingering satisfaction. A friend once said that I had already fulfilled any purpose I had in the world, and that was years ago.  

   Joseph asked if I advised parents to get their children tested for dyslexia.  I don't. The average cost for testing varies between $500 and $2000.   I get very little information from the evaluation.  They are standardized tests; the evaluation form is a boilerplate template. I have seen very few that give me additional information. They are not specific enough.  For instance, the evaluation for RH says she has problems processing orthographic information. She has problems with her visual perception. I could have figured that out in five minutes for no additional cost.  The evaluation doesn't give me detailed information on the cause of her problem.  Is she using the wrong part of the brain to process visual information in general or only the wrong part of the brain to process written information?   Is there a disturbance in that part of the brain that causes the letters to shift about either in the student's mind or on the page?  Does the mind offer up more than one image of the word?  Is one distorted, or are both distorted?  Does the student have problems distinguishing between similar letters, confusing n, r, and h? Is the problem with the orientation of the letters confusing letters like b,d, p, and q or u and n versus attending to the details of the letters?  Is the problem with processing speed independent of letter prception?  Is the problem with encoding or decoding the letters, which makes it a problem of memory, not perception? The list is probably longer than this, but that's all that comes to mind.  Each of the issues requires a different solution.  You can see why the $500+ test isn't worth the money. But it's worth it if it gives the parents something they need. 

   There is only one time an evaluation gave me information I wouldn't usually have had. It included two IQ tests. The student scored poorly on both of them.  I believe much of intelligence is taught. The test doesn't tell me what part of this child's brain isn't operating as it should or why, merely that something is wrong.  It doesn't tell me what works and what doesn't work, only that there's something wrong. Even that doesn't give me much information.

   I microwaved a bowl of lentil soup for dinner. I could only eat half of it before I couldn't eat another bite.  I got an ice cream sandwich from the freezer and ate it.  I have to eat whatever I can to keep my body mass up. I can't afford to lose a lot of weight at my age.  Those who are very thin, very fat, or just very out of shape don't survive catastrophic events like a shattered shoulder and elbow requiring eight hours of surgery and a two-week stay in the hospital.