Monday, February 28, 2022

Monday, February 28, 2022

   My leg was perfect this morning. Well, I guess it can’t be my hip. My back and abdominal muscles were too tight and impacted my leg. I assume this is the case because my MELT treatment and application of the massage gun made the difference. Yes, I had no pain in any part of my leg this morning after my walk. There was no throbbing. Amazing. I had been scared and ready to seriously consider THR. This happens over and over.

  When Yvette called this morning, I told her of my encounter with that woman over dinner.   I wish I could have done better, but a friendship with her is out. I have no tolerance for people who constantly find fault with others and don’t see the plank in their own eyes. I learned a lot from the encounter. Hopefully, it will help her too. I can’t imagine it because,so far, I have seen no evidence of introspection or any ability to see herself in the wrong. My new friend is not like a family member who combines her victim status with arrogance. This woman is more deeply wounded. She really has no tolerance for contradictions or criticisms.

    This unpleasant encounter had some interesting consequences. I remembered all the times I complained about others while focused on my pain. That’s what this woman did. I didn’t like it. Time to look at my own behavior. Also, I feel compassion for her. I see her as deeply wounded. I also see her as toxic as they come. Her daughter refuses to talk to her. Her daughter has my sympathy. Nonetheless, this woman touches my heart. That does not mean I should allow her to carry on at will. I’m not sure what the best response would be. To listen to her is to be codependent and allow myself to be victimized. If I thought it did something healthy, I would consider it. But I don’t. Her behavior is unhealthy for her and for me. Can she change? Can she consider another way of being? I doubt it. She is too mired. I will have other encounters with her. I will have to figure out a way to respond that does not include speaking harshly. Walking away? Making some excuse so she can imagine I have something else to do? This is a whole new world for me. I accept Mike’s challenge, demand: Be gentle. I need to figure out how to be gentle.

   This was a productive day. I called the endodontist to make an appointment for a root canal. Dr. Munley is an hour away in Hilo. I had an appointment with a doctor in town, but he appeared unresponsive to input from others. He came off as robotic. Given he was going to work on a back tooth, the prospect of never being able to ask for a break was scary. I had decided to go with him because he excepted insurance. Then I got a letter from the insurance company saying he no longer accepted it. 

   I also called the real estate lawyer Howard recommended. The deed to the house can be modified with a Life Estate, guaranteeing me lifetime possession of my part of the house. If it’s sold, the buyer buys me as a non-rent-paying resident. I own this section of the house. Or at least, this is my understanding of how this works.

   Then I called the engraving company I talked to months ago about engraving the headstones for me and Mike. It will be three years since his death on March 3. Well, better late than never. I hesitated because I wanted to do something somewhat unconventional on my gravestone. My full name, two entwined hearts, and Michael’s Beloved Betty on the bottom. That’s the only identity I want for eternity or for the life of the gravestone.

    Veronica at HLM in Honolulu, the engraving company, told me what I had to do to get the slabs to them. I called Young Brothers, the shipping company. The slabs will travel there by boat. I asked for all the details on what I had to do when I delivered the slabs. 

   Young Brothers said the slabs had to be appropriately packed. I called Texture, the company where I bought the slabs, to ask if they could do the packing. No, I had to call a trucking company. They used Kona Trans.  

     I called the trucking company. I asked for an estimate. The clerk said she couldn’t give me one. She was very nervous that I would hold her to it. I asked, “Could it cost $10,000?” She freaked. No. I didn’t think it would be that much, but I thought it would provoke her to give me an estimate. She said it would take her a minute to figure it out. I calculate the weight of each slab at seventy-five pounds. She came back with an estimate between $150 and $200. She said there was a good chance it could be less.   I declared, “It will be between $100 and $200.”  Yes. 

 I had a 12:45 appointment with my accountant. Before I left, I called to ask if I could bring Elsa. She loves to ride in the car. I received an additional tax package from Raymond James two days ago. I would deliver it to her today. She said there was additional information missing. “Aren’t all tax statements supposed to be delivered by the end of January.?”  Yes. But that’s not what happens with big companies. She had just gotten a statement from Raymond James yesterday. One of them was still missing. Also, a 1099 was missing from another company. I will have to track them down tomorrow.

   I drove back via Ali’i along the shoreline. I heard high surf warnings for the west coast of the Big Island, which usually means big waves. The waves were the smallest I had seen in this area. So much for weather alerts.

    I stopped off at Kona Trans on the way home to drop off the slabs. I pulled up in front of the building. There was a table in front of the doors. Someone finally came and gave me instructions. I had to go all around the building and pull up by a bay marked by a Coca-Cola machine. It was an old one. Elsa and I got out of the car. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Elsa asked to be picked up because the noise of the trucks frightened her.

   Finally, someone came by with a forklift. He said I had to move my car parallel to the bay opening instead of perpendicular. It was to get his forklift in without blocking traffic. However, he changed his tune when I showed him I only had two small slabs. After picking up a palette, he pulled his forklift up to the back of my car. He could lift the slabs out by hand and place them on the palette. He told me to return to the front office and complete the paperwork. They would contact me when they had the estimate.

   When I got home, I called the church. I heard they knew the name of someone who did cement work. The person I spoke to didn’t know for sure. Susan would call me back. She did toward the end of the day. I hoped it was the right name. This guy doesn’t do cement; he does monuments and digs gravesites. I hoped he could help me figure out how to get what I wanted. Susan told me Fr. Lio intends to pay for the under slab. He feels Mike and I shouldn’t have to pay. However, he wants to provide just a flat slab. I want a pillow which to hold the headstone on a slant. I like the look of it. 

   I was supposed to meet with the M &W sisters this afternoon. Their mom texted, asking if we could skip today. She had to drive her dad to the airport. Sure. Three times a week, even if it was half an hour at a time, was overkill, at least for fifth-grade W. I suspected first-grade M was finally doing okay too. She told me she had gotten an A on some reading work the other day.