Thursday, February 24, 2022

Thursday, February 24, 2022 

  I had a night of disturbed sleep. I was upset by someone's inactions, evasive. They promised me something and can't fulfill the promise. They're just waiting to see if it will all pass. I managed to calm myself and sleep a good part of the night. I amaze myself. So many others my age suffer from insomnia. I can manage to sleep even when I'm in turmoil.  

      I got up before the alarm went off. My feet and legs did very well on this morning's walk. I did a relatively long one. When I got back to the house, I meditated. I should do a lot more of that. I do some if I'm awake in the middle of the night, wrestling with sleep. It is calming.

     Colleen, my house guest, came out while I was sitting. I assured her she could move around freely without bothering me. She said she was just leaving. "Didn't you want to make some coffee?" She had already done that. She must have done that while I was out on my walk. 

    We had driveway yoga today for the first time in two months. First, Yvette was away visiting family on the mainland. Then she needed that time in the morning to film her yoga videos. The light was good at that time. It was too bright later in the morning.

     When I walked out to the driveway, an array of mats greeted me. How many people would be attending today? We never had that many. Yvette explained she was airing them out.  

     Casey had arrived. Yvette had texted that she was unwilling to wrestle with the driveway gate. It is heavy and wooden, the width of the driveway, and needs to be manually rolled aside. In addition, something is blocking the smooth sliding action. Neither Yvette nor I have the strength to deal with it. Scott would come this morning and see what he could do to fix it, but he's down for the count. Elsa couldn't be running around the driveway with the gate opened. She might run out into the street in pursuit of a cat or a car she couldn't resist. Casey was glad to help and had no problem opening the gate. He committed to closing it before he left.

    The yoga was wonderful. It also made me aware of the tightness in my left hip. I couldn't tell if there was any change as a result of all my work. Some of the stretches were better. The hamstring and Achilles stretches felt much better. 

     I got Wordle on the fifth try today. I wondered how many get it on the third try? They speak as if you only have six tries. You have as many as you want. Just delete the incorrect one in slot six and start again. If that doesn't work, close the program and reopen it. The sixth slot will be empty even if you get the correct answer. 

   I had a session with Shelly. I worked on that shaky feeling I have been dealing with. I described it as feeling the cells in my body shaking, not my muscles. It feels like an electrical ripple but not a pinched nerve. She asked me where I felt it. Around my heart. I focused there; my agitation quieted down. I am trying to remember the sequence of images and how I got to an underlying issue. The issue for me is the horror of man's inhumanity to man and anything and everything they can get their hands on.

   My parents were refugees from Nazi Germany. They got to see man's humanity to man in its purest form. They had an emotional knowledge of the horror. My mother only admitted to being traumatized by the events she witnessed in her old age. Years ago, she told me that she never worried about the situation during the war, although her parents and other family members continued to live there. Her parents were in Berlin during the bombing at the end of the war.

     I should clarify that while my father was Jewish, my mother and all her family members were Christian. They were not at risk as the Jewish members of my family were. However, they were living in the middle of a war. Berlin was bombed. My grandmother, my mother's mother, told me stories of her experiences when I was an adolescent. What do you mean you didn't worry about them? Whatever the traumas were, I picked up on them.