Wednesday, February 23, 2022

 Wednesday, February 23, 2022

   I watched the end of the film The Sapphires last night. Unfortunately, I had turned the DVD player off the night before. The film started from the beginning, and I had no way to fast forward through the movie. I hadn’t used the TV in over a year and had no idea where the remotes were or if they’d work if I did find them. While the first half of The Sapphires played, I watched The Artist, a silent film I’d remembered wanting to watch. When The Sapphires got to the point in the movie where I had stopped last night, I turned off The Artist. I will watch the rest of that movie tonight.

     I slept well and dozed easily in the early morning hours. However, I would wake to the unpleasant feeling of shame. I thought of things to be ashamed of. Several minor things in my life haven’t worked out as I hoped. I was disappointed. I felt shame because I wasn’t getting what I wanted. Really! The world isn’t going how I want it to, and my response is shame? I wondered what could have triggered this bout. Ah, the most significant disappointments: the war in Ukraine and the stock market collapse! How’s that for things not working out the way I want them to?

   I do not walk around thinking that these world problems are my fault or a sign that something is wrong with me. I suspect we all respond this way in the depth of our psyche. It’s a healthy response, prodding us to do something about a problem. In primitive times, the issues would be local, and we might do something. In today’s world, that prod is counterproductive. There is nothing I can do about the problems in Ukraine. Believe me, I’ve tried. 

   For the second day in a row, I’ve solved the Wordle problem on the fifth try. My trial words are good ones. Out of the fifteen letters in the three trial words, at least three or either yellow or green, and the rest are eliminated. 

    Mike, the only guy in town who might be available to fix my broken water sprinkler pipes, called to say he wasn’t feeling well. He says he has a few good days and then feels terrible again. He needs to see a doctor. In the meantime, I have no one to fix my sprinkler system, and we’re in a drought. 

   I had appointments with Mama K’s crew today. They came on Zoom promptly and were cooperative. 3rd grade K and Twin E had nothing to write about. I asked K to name an animal and was able to pull a story about a family visit to the zoo, particularly the tiger exhibition. Twin E wrote about a spider her cousin found on the beach in the bushes. It’s easier to pull stories out of them. Twin A had a story in mind about a snow bunny and a fox. It had plot points, and it was well constructed. Her attempts at transitional phrases were awkward at best.

   I’ve asked Judy to be my audience for my Phase III video. I had problems figuring out how to present it. Judy said yes; she would be my muse, but time slipped by. We made an appointment for Friday afternoon. If she had to cancel it, we could make another one.

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Musings:

  I was reading a book on conflict High Conflict. High conflict is defined as a Mexican standoff, a kill-or-be-killed situation. There is an alternative to high conflict- constructive conflict. In constructive conflict, you work for reconciliation. You argue not just to be understood but also to understand. As you present your point of view, you give your ‘opponent’ information. They can use that information to tailor their argument to you. In constructive conflict, people change. In high conflict, people calcify. 

   Mike was conflict-avoidant in most situations. However, he chose me because he saw me as a worthy opponent. Someone advised him to look for that in a prospective partner right before he met me. I know he saw me as someone who would be as interested in his point of view well as my own. Maybe that’s what made me a worthy opponent, a trustworthy opponent. 

    I find people who always avoid conflict frustrating. They don’t want to get to know me better, and they don’t want me to know them better. They are hunkered down. I find that many of them are secret high-conflict people. If not, they are attracted to high-conflict people. 

   On the other hand, we all have areas of calcification or commitment, depending on how you view it. Mike and I had untouchable areas. I could classify areas by degrees of openness. We rarely had screaming fights because Mike couldn’t tolerate them. I asked him several times if he felt controlled by me. I was concerned because I knew about his conflict avoidance. He said no. One reason I asked him was that I didn’t feel controlled. I felt so comfortable. I was concerned about him. I hoped he was equally satisfied. He said he was. There wasn’t much more I could do than that.