Friday, May 20, 2022

 Friday, May 20, 2022

 

       Oh, boy. I woke up at 12:30, fully rested after going to bed at 10. I assumed it was close to 3 am. Anxiety hit hard. I wrestled with it for several hours, dozing on and off. At three, I got up to go to my old-lady chair to meditate. After an hour of meditation, I took my blood pressure, 174/101. Oh, boy, again. That was higher than it was yesterday. I texted Dr. Reed to report it. Should she increase my dosage of Losartan? I fell asleep when I went back to bed. I woke up with the dawn. The birds serve as an alarm these days. I lay in bed for a while and did an exercise Terry recommended to increase my hip flexibility. She tied a strap around my thighs and had me relax into it, creating as much opening as possible in a relaxed manner. I used my bedsheets for support, anchoring them with my hands.  

     While I have people in my life, I have no one who I can sit with without conversation. Each contact I have with another human being involves conversation. I desperately needed nonactive contact, and I had no way of getting it. Even thinking of active communication felt like torture at that moment. I didn't think I would be better with no contact with other people; I just needed this relaxed way to be in someone else's company.

   As I walked Elsa, I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I didn't know if the high blood pressure was causing the anxiety or the anxiety was causing the high blood pressure. I knew I felt weird.    

     After I fed Elsa, I spent another hour meditating after taking my one morning blood pressure pill and two CDB pills. I retook my bp at the end of the hour, 125/73. I was unsure if the dramatic fluctuation, even down, was a good sign. 

      I worked on the updates and blog. The visitors on the public blog site are way down. There were only three yesterday. So far, the numbers haven't hit zero, but I anticipate that as a possibility. I will keep writing because it is the only thing that keeps me going. There were no new visitors to my YouTube videos on my reading method either.  

     My leg finally felt strong enough to carry the large spray container with vinegar to attack the weeds in the front yard. I was out there for a few minutes when it started to rain. I went back inside. I went out again later. The driveway was bone dry. As I sprayed, the rain started up again. This happened twice more. Should I be taking this personally?  

      Digging through a drawer for an eyeglass cleaning cloth, I found the battery-powered Oral B I remembered buying. When I came across a regular toothbrush, I assumed I had bought the wrong one and stopped at Long's to buy another one. They didn't have the battery-powered Oral B. Because of this error, I found Spinbrush; it's amazing. I was in love. Never before have I been so enthralled with any product.  

     I finally went over the Phase III PowerPoint presentation- briefly. I have no idea how to communicate how effective this method is.  

     I watched a sweet movie, Toscana, last night. It's a rom-com, of sorts, without stupid dialogue.