Tuesday, May 31, 2022

 Tuesday, May 31, 2022 

 

  I wasn't particularly tired when I went to bed. It took me a few minutes to fall asleep. I slept well till 2:30, the agitation hour. I had my paperwork under control. That wasn't a worry. Then, I was back to thinking about the surgery. This cause for concern isn't all on me. I had all three of my body workers say something indicating that I would not be happy with a hip replacement because of muscular problems with my body that the surgery won't address. Besides, even the doctor said it would do nothing to relieve any sciatica I might have.

   I spoke to Tammy on my walk this morning. I warned her she wouldn't see me for a few weeks. We all look out for each other and comment when we haven't seen each other for a while. When she discovered I had Kaiser, she said she wished she could have it, but her union didn't cover Kaiser here in Hawaii or in three other states. She had Kaiser, where she came from, and loved it. I agreed. Mike and I loved it. We had good doctors and great service. So far, I am thrilled. Besides good medical care, I haven't had to struggle with the company over insurance issues; it is both the insurer and the provider, 

    I have heard people complain about it. In a car accident, someone got a torn rotator cuff and had to wait three months for surgery. He blamed Kaiser for the delay. I had the same situation in Columbus, Ohio, even though it had major orthopedic centers and several hospitals, and I had BC/BS insurance. That's how it is with elective surgery, meaning non-life or death circumstances. The fault doesn't lie with Kaiser.

  Shivani and Sidney were still in the bedroom when I got home from my walk. Shivani sleeps in if she can, but Sidney is usually at full bore. They came out together, Shivani wearing a mask. It seems Sidney did have a cold. I donned a mask, too, and put on the living room ceiling fans. Oh, well. The cat is out of the bag already. I would either get it or not.

  Alexandra started her childcare duties with Sidney today. She was incredible. She was on the floor with him for hours playing with him. He was a little hyper for about two hours, then quieted down and played beautifully. It was wonderful to watch him play. His focus and creativity, and joy in play.  

   I loaded the cardboard into the car to take to the transfer station and then worked on my papers for the Notary I was meeting at 4:30. At 9:30 am., I headed out. The first stop was the transfer station to drop off the cardboard. Then I headed to Kaiser to get my Covid test in preparation for the surgery. I thought I had to register inside for this. No, I didn't. I just had to drive around to an outdoor tent. I got to Kaiser early, thinking there would be a line. I had to be home by 11:30 for my appointment with adolescent D. I was the only one there. It was quick. 

  Then I went to Costco. Wow! By a quarter after 10, the parking lot was almost full. I heard someone say it was jammed because the tourists were in town now that schools were closed. I was sure they were right. I saw whole families together, even several couples vacationing together. I just wanted dish soap, frozen waffles, blueberries, strawberries, and lemons. I checked if Shivani wanted more Poke or avos at the last minute. We had Poke left but needed more avocados. The line wasn't too bad. I got called to get on the special line for those with only a few items. They do that to speed up things when the store is jammed. The line wasn't too bad yet. That came in another half an hour when all the shoppers were ready to check out with their big loads for their vacation rentals.

  I made it home to unload the car and get stuff in the refrigerator and freezer before my session with adolescent D. I started with the sight word recognition of went versus want, two words D confuses. I wrote the numbers 1 and 2 next to the words. It took him a moment, but he got them correct. I asked him how he got it. He used the trick I taught him. He could figure out went and then say want is not went, and, therefore, it's want. I complimented him on completing his last assignment for school.  

   Then I told him how his behavior in our last session suggested that he didn't do what I suggested, not because he forgot but because it made him feel stupid and humiliated. He agreed. That was a step in the right direction. He wants to just 'know' the correct answer to everything because that's what he sees everyone doing. He wants to avoid being in a position where he has to figure something out or work on memorizing something. It should just pop into his head as it does for everyone else. Of course, he has no idea what happens in everyone else's head. He can be sure it comes up faster than it does in his. I told him he wanted to get to the top of the mountain without climbing it or even flying to it. He just wants to be there. He doesn't accept that everyone has to climb it. Yes, it was easier for some than others, but everyone had to do it. He fights any overt effort to learn. It should all come quickly. I told him to write down three words. He said he didn't need to; he could remember. How's that for denial? I demanded he write them down. Then we discussed the words, comparing their similarities and differences and tricks for keeping them apart.  

  We worked on how badly he felt about his inability to read. I told him that was normal. It was even normal to feel shame. Sadly, as normal as it was, that very feeling worked against him. It prevented him from doing what he needed to do to learn. My way may not solve the problem. But one thing we know for sure; his way definitely didn't work.  

  I went into healing mode. I asked D to imagine hearing a child crying on a roller coaster. He felt a little more relaxed with that image. Good. We were going in the right direction. I heard him say, "Why won't you help me?" When he encountered trouble learning to read, no one helped him. Everyone just told him to make more of an effort, blaming him for his failure. No one knew how to help him. Their only recourse was to tell him to try harder. I told him to put the burden on me. I could carry it as long as he didn't express contempt. I can't handle contempt. I don't think anyone is good at it. At the end of the session, I asked if he felt more relaxed than when we started. He said, "No." then he changed his mind. I wondered if he felt differently or said what he thought I wanted to hear. My money was on some shift.

  Shivani and Sid headed out to the beach today without me. I needed some time alone.